Yesterday we said goodbye to our dog. He was never an easy dog, but he was my best friend and constant companion for the 17 years that we had together. I've had him since I was a teenager and he's been through every life event with me, and got me through the dark times.
Euthanasia was the right decision, I have no doubts about that. He was getting frail, he could easily have had another 3, 6, 9, 12, however many months but I'm heavily pregnant and having a baby in the house would have ruined his life, he never would have coped with the stress so I decided not to put him through that upheaval for whatever time he had left. This decision was backed by 2 independent behaviourists I've worked with over the years and my veterinary colleagues.
I'm on maternity leave so he's had a lovely two weeks at home with me, and this week he's done all his favourite walks and they've been totally stress and incident free (which is rare at best!). Yesterday he had his final walk in his favourite park, sniffed every tree, peed on every bush and was loving life. Then he went to McDonald's for his tea (nuggets and milkshake!)
The euthanasia process itself was probably the smoothest (particularly given his temperament in such situations) I've ever seen. He was sedated, fell asleep in my arms and the injection was given and that was that.
What I'm really struggling with is the aftermath. I haven't slept, I can't eat and I feel like part of me is missing. The space on the sofa next to me is huge. It's so quiet without his gentle snoring. I know his bed will be empty but it's the first place I look when I enter the room. I still anticipate his tippy tappy toes across the floor when I enter the room. There's no little face to pop up from the boot in the rear view mirror of the car when I pull up on the drive. I just don't know what to do with myself.
There's zero point to this, just wanted to get it out.
If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.
The doghouse
I never realised it would be this hard
ABC1234DEF · 16/11/2018 11:12
You must feel bereft. After that length of time undoubtedly your dear dog must have truly felt like part of the family. You are entitled to grieve and feel the huge gap. You can comfort yourself that he had a long and happy life and that you made the right decision to say goodbye before he started to suffer.
You obviously have a new arrival to look forward to and I'm sure in time you'll remember the good times without sadness. When you're ready you can bring a new dog into your family and your DC can grow up with him/her and make new memories.
I'm at the opposite end of this journey with a 6 month old pup (my first) and can't imagine how hard it's going to be to say goodbye even now.
to you
I lost my old girl just after having my baby. The appointment was booked and he decided to turn up early, so I had to delay long enough to be able to get her to the vet. That destroyed me, having reached the decision, then having to put it off, knowing she was suffering. The guilt of feeling I was PTS because I was nearly 9 months pregnant, rather than because she had no quality of life left. I felt like everyone would be judging me, even though rationally I knew it was the right time (she couldn’t get up unaided any more, had to be helped outside, coaxed to eat, her world had shrunk to the size of her bed). So, I completely empathise with how you are feeling.
I had a drawer with old collars and leads that I wasn’t able to part with for months. I might even still have one over 8 years later. I did get rid of her bowls and bed as it ripped me apart to keep seeing them. I gave her food to a neighbour.
So sorry, OP. I did this journey almost two years ago when my best friend was just 5.
I would highly, highly recommend a private cremation for him. I was lucky and found a wonderful cremation service. We got to spend time and say goodbye to her before she went through. We got the urn etc.
Speak about him as much as you need to! Look at photos, laugh about the funny things he used to do. You’ll probably end up in tears but it’s good to cry
I found it so difficult. Even little things like going for a wee and not having her sit outside the door waiting for me.
Thinking of you
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