“Will you get another one?”

(12 Posts)
SummersB Mon 15-Oct-18 01:12:17

So our poor old boy doesn’t have long. Most evenings he is in a lot of pain and we have now exhausted most avenues of analgesia available. I know that the heartbreaking decision is just around the corner.
The amount of people who when this comes up in conversation will ask me “So, are you going to get another one?”, usually with a bright smile on their faces absolutely baffles me! Who in the name of god would think this is an appropriate question under these circumstances??
Now I realise that it comes from a good place, or at least a place of ignorance, rather than malice, which is why I usually just bite my tongue and say that we are not even thinking about anything like that at the moment. But honestly, don’t people realise what they are saying? This is not like an old sofa I am getting rid of, or a car that is finally scrapped before I can get a shiny new one! He has been part of our family for years and years! Two out of 3 DCs have never known their lives without him!
Honestly, if you are one of those people, please think next time before opening your mouth. As I said I know it is usually meant to put a positive spin on this devastating episode of our lives, but honestly, it really isn’t helping.

OP’s posts: |
BettyBooJustDoinTheDoo Mon 15-Oct-18 01:38:25

So sorry about your poor pet you must be going through the worst of times. Some people have no understanding of the love we have for our pets and can’t relate to the fact they are not objects that are replaceable, they think it’s just a dog / cat or whatever, it’s the same with the grieving process, some people are far more sympathetic to the loss of great aunt Maud who you have only seen about 5 times in the last 20 years than a beloved pet who you have loved, cared for and nurtured, putting their wants and needs above your own and was a member of the family, your just expected to have a little cry for a day or so and then just get yourself another one, they just don’t understand the devastation the the loss of a pet brings. Sorry that was a bit of a rant but I totally get where you’re coming from. flowers to you.

SummersB Mon 15-Oct-18 05:55:02

Thank you for your kind words Betty. And for understanding.

OP’s posts: |
Floralnomad Mon 15-Oct-18 09:01:39

Sorry that you are in this position OP but it doesn’t surprise me that that is a lot of people’s reaction because it’s amazing how many people go out and get a young dog or puppy when their original dog is getting old so that they have a replacement already in place . I suppose it boils down to how you see your dog and everyone is different to some people a dog is a loved pet , to others like myself the dog is an integral family member and hence not replaceable . 💐

1forsorrow2forjoy Mon 15-Oct-18 09:06:54

I can't bear to think of getting to the point where my girl will leave us let alone think about replacing her. People have no bloody idea!

SummersB Mon 15-Oct-18 16:21:43

Thank you flowers it’s devastating and we are all absolutely heartbroken at the thought. Yes I’m sure you are all right and people who say this just don’t get it. But it’s even people who have dogs themselves! Floranomad I guess they fall in the same category as those getting a replacement pet even before the other one passes. I’m actually shocked that people would do that! But I guess everyone is different.

OP’s posts: |
Smileysmileycarolsmilie Mon 15-Oct-18 16:55:30

Some people have no filter. I am so sorry you’re in this situation. It is truly heartbreaking & to those who haven’t experienced it, they’re naive.

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BiteyShark Mon 15-Oct-18 18:29:14

I get it and would be upset if anyone said something similar to me. flowers

almondsareforevermore Mon 15-Oct-18 20:06:48

People also say this when they meet you alone and ask where the dog is. My last dog died in the night and I had to take our other dog for a brief walk a few hour later. A neighbour who has a dog of his own asked cheerfully if I’d get another.
So sorry, Summers. Be brave and don’t wait too long.

adaline Mon 15-Oct-18 20:37:45

I think some people do go out and get new dogs pretty quickly - either because they've always had dogs and the house doesn't feel "right" without them, or because their remaining dog is pining and wants/needs a companion.

It's not the most sensitive thing to say but it's the way a lot of people seem to think. I've seen lots of threads on here where people have been planning their new puppy when their old dog is no longer as energetic or hasn't got long left.

ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs Mon 15-Oct-18 20:45:17

So sorry to hear about your old dog, Summers sad. This is the hardest bit of pet ownership. Even the actual loss and grief is easier than this period of are-we-doing-the-right-thing worry and apprehension of the coming end.

People can be incredibly insensitive. They don't mean to be, but they often are. Try to filter out the numpties. flowers for you and your boy

Kennycalmit Mon 15-Oct-18 21:08:52

My best friend passed away at just 5. It was heartbreaking and I will never love another dog the way I did her

Before she even passed away I was thinking about what dog I could get next. 6 weeks after she passed away I’d brought home a puppy.

In no way was it to replace her. I look back now and realise it was my way of coping. I couldn’t and didn’t want to deal with her dying and not having her around and I thought by having another dog it would distract me and help the pain

It did and it didn’t I guess. My puppy is almost 2 now. I don’t regret getting her and I would never be without her, but I now know I got her for the wrong reasons.

Some people just don’t think when they ask those sort of questions.

Hope you’re okay flowers

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