Bipolar owner and puppy

(27 Posts)
Alaaya Sun 14-Oct-18 10:03:32

Please please please be gentle with me. I'm so angry and upset at myself for having created this situation and I just want what is best for the puppy.

DH and I got an OES on Wednesday. He is lovely. Sweet, eagar to please, adorable. But very full on, very needy, and needs company through the night with regular trips out to pee etc.

DH has come down with a really bad chest infection (might be pneumonia) so can't sit up with pup. He just can't. I have been doing this but it's beginning to get to me. I have bipolar disorder and I'm meant to get a minimum of 6 hours sleep per night. I know I should have thought of this before getting the puppy but I've not had an episode in a really long time and originally DH and I were going to be sharing the load with this.

Now we can't and I have not had more than two hours sleep solidly in days. I can't eat, everything tastes funny, and I'm beginning to get a weird buzzing at the edges of my brain. Dreams are very vivid and I am a bit disoriented at times when I wake up as it seems real.

Please please don't shout at me. I love my pup. I want what is best for him. I know I should have thought of this. Didn't know DH would get pneumonia. Didn't think the lack of sleep would be this bad.

What can I do? Does the sleeping get better? Can I make it get better? Pup can't sleep in our bedroom as fur and chemicals if we have to clean up accidents is too rough on lungs. I think I could cope with sleeping on sofa if it was for longer patches of sleep.

I am so sorry I've made such a mess of this.

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Namechangeforthiscancershit Sun 14-Oct-18 10:09:24

But very full on, very needy, and needs company through the night with regular trips out to pee etc

This is totally normal. It does get better but not quickly. I was still taking my puppy out at night until I think 13 or 14 weeks. He sleeps in my room (ok bed) so that helps with the company thing and actually seemed to mean no overnight accidents. He doesn’t she though whereas I imagine an OES does a LOT! I have a lot of pretty harsh chemo at the moment and have since well before I got the little monster so I totally get the need to juggle your needs and theirs. I live on my own which helps in some ways not in others.

So sorry for all the heath problems you’re both having.

How long is your DH likely to be unwell? Is it days? Weeks? Longer?

Is there any scope for you to catch up on sleep at other times or does that not help you as much as proper nighttime sleep?

Namechangeforthiscancershit Sun 14-Oct-18 10:10:06

Shed not she!

AvocadosBeforeMortgages Sun 14-Oct-18 10:36:23

It's shit when lots of unexpected things happen at the same time and just seem to work against you.

Have you got any local friends or family who could help you out for a few hours so you can get some sleep? Puppies do tend to be very popular! If there's no one local, perhaps Borrow My Doggy?

Vallahalagonebutnotforgotten Sun 14-Oct-18 10:37:18

It will absolutely get better BUT if you are both poorly would the breeder take the pup back for a week or so to get you both back to better health?

You have not made a mess of this you are both poorly that can not be helped!

slkk Sun 14-Oct-18 11:04:16

Our puppy cried for the first 2 nights but then stopped. We left puppy pads for toileting and a water bowl in her crate, covered it with a blanket and after the first few days she slept through. We also left her a t shirt that I had been wearing. Do persevere, a dog is so therapeutic.

slkk Sun 14-Oct-18 11:05:39

I was to.d that we shouldn’t create the habit of waking through the night.

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tabulahrasa Sun 14-Oct-18 11:09:08

What are you doing with the puppy overnight? Like where’s he sleeping and stuff? Because it sounds like he’s up an awful lot more than he needs to be...

Also - chemicals? What are you using?

floppyearsandtail Sun 14-Oct-18 11:17:44

I think you're actually training your puppy to be up wanting attention all night. Every puppy we've had has gone straight into crate with a personal worn item of clothing and has been absolutely fine. Puppy may cry for a few nights but will be fine after. You don't need to stay up all night?!

okeydokeygirl Sun 14-Oct-18 11:39:18

So sorry to hear about your situation. Do you have a puppy crate? If not then I would make it a priority to get one so you know your puppy is contained and safe while you are sleeping. Your puppy will need some attention during the might bit maybe not as much as she is getting at the moment.

Alaaya Sun 14-Oct-18 11:44:17

Puppy is in crate. Seems to like it - he goes in quite happily. Am not sure if I should leave him alone longer but am worried about him messing his crate and that messing up everything.

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tabulahrasa Sun 14-Oct-18 12:08:26

Right, so

At bedtime, you’re putting him in the crate, he’s fine, you’re on the couch...

So why aren’t you sleeping? What happens through the night?

Alaaya Sun 14-Oct-18 13:03:08

I sleep, I wake up every couple of hours to take him to pee so he doesn't mess up the crate.

I am sleeping badly on the sofa and knowing I have to wake up soon means I never quite drift off.

I have been trying to extend the sleep periods - with mixed success. Last night he went to sleep at 10, woke up and was sick at midnight, went back to sleep at 1 am, woke up crying to be let out to pee at 3 am and then slept through til 8. But I was awake from 6 as I sort of expected him to be.

This may be me making a rod for my own back too.

He also whines in the night to check I am there - am unsure if its cruel to just ignore him when he does this. Have had very mixed advice. One person I know told me he'd need taken out every two hours until he was 4 months which is what is freaking me out.

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BiteyShark Sun 14-Oct-18 13:12:22

There are lots of 'opinions' on how you should do it. I would just try and find the right way for you to get you through it.

Some people never get up as their puppy sleeps through.
Some people use puppy pads at night.
Some people just take out when they cry at night for a quick toilet break.
Some people wake the puppy at set times to toilet at night.

I used a mixture of the last two. In the early days I took mine out when he cried and then straight back to the crate without any fuss. When he was older I worked on the principle that at night (daytime is different) he could hold it for approx 1 hour per month of age plus 1. So at 3 months he could go 4 hours at night.

tabulahrasa Sun 14-Oct-18 13:18:21

“This may be me making a rod for my own back too.”

Well yes, if most of the time you’re awake is just you being awake for no particular reason then it’s not really a puppy training issue tbh.

LEMtheoriginal Sun 14-Oct-18 13:25:36

This will pass! I think you either need to get him used to being alone in the crate or let him sleep with you! Can he have crate in the bedroom?

tabulahrasa Sun 14-Oct-18 13:25:49

Sorry that looks a bit harsh...

I just mean it doesn’t actually sound like it’s the puppy keeping you awake, it’s that your awake basically stressed about needing to let him out.

Alaaya Sun 14-Oct-18 13:25:51

tabulahrasa so should I just put the puppy in the crate and go to sleep unless he's crying to go out? Is that the right method.

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tabulahrasa Sun 14-Oct-18 13:59:45

“should I just put the puppy in the crate and go to sleep unless he's crying to go out?“

There’s really no absolute “right” way... as long as you’re not leaving a distressed puppy it’s just what suits you.

But if he’s happy in the crate, either he’s going to wake you up being noisy or worst case have an accident... but that’s 5 minutes of cleaning vs the hours you’re spending awake just now worrying about it smile

Alaaya Mon 15-Oct-18 03:21:38

@tabulahrasa - so, I tried this tonight I fell asleep, he woke me up 5 hour later whining but I think peed himself in the time it took me to get his lead. Cleaned up crate and took him out where he shat and then ran back inside and went back to bed in the crate on his clean pillows.

Maybe not an unqualified success but I think maybe I have been taking him out too often in the night now and getting five hours sleep in a row felt very good. Going back to sleep now but only 4 hours til morning so fingers crossed he lasts until then.

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Lucisky Mon 15-Oct-18 07:22:26

You have got a set of circumstances that are just unlucky. Is it really so dreadful if the puppy soils the crate? As soon as your oh is back on his feet you will get back to a better routine. Meanwhile, I would have thought taking the puppy out once in the night would be enough.
Four weeks after we got our puppy last year I had knee surgery - like you, this hadn't been deliberately planned, but a cancellation came up, and I had already been waiting ages. It was difficult for a few weeks, and we had quite a few pup accidents around the house because I couldn't move very fast (or not fast enough!). This made no difference to her long term house training ultimately. Your puppy will soon get into a routine - it's early days yet.

adaline Mon 15-Oct-18 07:44:26

I'm really sorry to say but my puppy didn't start sleeping through regularly until he was seven months old or so, and even now he wakes occasionally for a wee.

I think you just need to pick a method and be consistent with it. We had ours in the bed with us so he didn't wake up crying for comfort and so we knew when we needed letting out (he's never had a night time accident) but when he was small he was up at least twice a night for a wee.

We never wanted to use puppy pads as I believe they make toilet training more complicated so we sacrificed sleeping through to take him out at night. Others are happy to leave their pup in a crate with pads and let them toilet there to avoid night time trips.

Neither method is right or wrong, it's whatever works for you, but if you down the route of puppy pads, be aware that it may take quite a few months before your puppy is dry in the house.

Good luck, and it does get better 

Alaaya Tue 16-Oct-18 07:33:14

Triumph! No accidents tonight and I only took him out once. DH and I gave him a walk before bed, then he slept for four hours, I woke him up to go pee as I was worried he'd make a mess otherwise, then we went out, he peed immediately, and I brought him back to crate. Then he slept another four hours.

Two blocks of four hours is much more manageable for me. Plus yesterday marks our first 24 hours with no accidents which I'm sure won't last but still feels pretty good.

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CantankerousCamel Tue 16-Oct-18 07:37:27

Yay!!!
I remember being really stressed by the work of a puppy. Now we have a gorgeous nearly 3 year old dog and she is such an important member of the family. This WILL be worth your time x

Alaaya Tue 16-Oct-18 07:50:33

I really hope so, especially as he's such a lovely lovely dog. He's smart, affectionate, eager to learn, and I know could be amazing. I just need to get this right. I've never had a puppy before - just shared in family dog - so it's all new.

Currently worrying as he had a bit of a tummy upset yesterday, threw up a bit and was off his food last night and not shitting on the three or so times he peed. But he's eating this morning and has a vets check up at 9 anyway so I'll make sure all is well then.

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