Tell me dh will be ok. Ddog pts today.

(16 Posts)
Stormwhale Thu 27-Sep-18 20:56:28

She was his, always his dog. They were best friends. I struggled with her, she was so needy, anxious, just not a good fit with me. Why have I sobbed all day then? My poor dh, is broken, absolutely broken and I can't make it any better.

It was the only kind thing to do, she had two large tumours and her kidneys were shutting down. It has all happened over a week, and today she was nothing like the dog she was last week. Her body had given up and we had to end her life.

Our home has a hole in it.

OP’s posts: |
MrsDc7 Thu 27-Sep-18 20:57:40

Ah bless you both, it’s so hard flowers you just have to battle through it together I’m afraid xx

NoSquirrels Thu 27-Sep-18 20:59:33

flowers

RussellTheLoveMuscle Thu 27-Sep-18 21:07:31

flowers

Stormwhale Thu 27-Sep-18 21:16:45

She drove me mad, I struggled so much with the anxiety, her constant eating of disgusting things and making herself ill. But I would have her back in a second and have her bothering me every two minutes and whining when I went to the toilet. I can't hear her claws clicking on the laminate, which used to bug me and now I miss it dreadfully.

She was not an easy dog to own, and I thought I didn't love her, but we made a commitment to her, dh loved her completely despite her faults. I did love her though and now she is gone and it hurts. Seeing her suffering over the past week has been horrific. We have been at the vets almost daily and it has been awful.

I don't know how to help dh. His pain is much much worse than mine. He never minded all the problems She had, he just loved her.

When they put her to sleep she went so quickly that she hit the floor with a thump and I can't stop playing it over and over.

OP’s posts: |
Pompom42 Thu 27-Sep-18 21:19:21

How old was the dog Op?
I know how hard it's going to be.
When my dog passed at 8 I cried everyday for a month before it got easier. Felt cheated as 8 seemed so young.

Stormwhale Thu 27-Sep-18 21:20:25

We aren't sure as she was a rescue. We only had her for 4.5years. We thought she was around 11, so didn't expect this yet. Her breed often live well into the teens.

OP’s posts: |

Advertisement

DramaAlpaca Thu 27-Sep-18 21:21:18

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know how hard it is flowers

RadioDorothy Thu 27-Sep-18 21:24:46

Try to think that she'd reached the end, and now she is no longer suffering - she didn't know anything about that drop to the floor, she only knew of the pain lifting away. You did the absolute kindest thing for her, the only thing. She would thank you for a dignified end. flowers

I have a difficult, anxious, aggressive dog and she drives me mad. But I will also be broken when she eventually goes, I will probably be like your husband. But I know that although it will be awful and I'll be a mess for a while, I will be okay. And he will be too.

Stormwhale Thu 27-Sep-18 21:36:45

I hope so. Dh has mental health problems, so I'm really scared this is going to make him ill. He has been well for a while now, but this is hitting him so hard. I have just found out that I am pregnant with dc2, and this all feels like too much. My hormones are all over the place and I'm struggling.

OP’s posts: |
BrightLightsandBlackHoles Thu 27-Sep-18 23:03:24

The love you had for them is worth the pain when they leave you, but it takes time to see that. You did the right thing, and one day you will both remember her with a smile x

pigsDOfly Fri 28-Sep-18 01:36:35

So sorry for your loss.

Dogs live in the moment and you both need to try to remember every moment she was living with you she would have known that she was loved and that you treated her well, and she would have felt happy and secure. That's all a dog wants from us.

And at the end of her life you did the kindest thing and eased her end. flowers

Ifeelinclined Fri 28-Sep-18 01:54:13

I'm so sorry for your loss, OP

Lonecatwithkitten Fri 28-Sep-18 07:25:06

@Stormwhale I am so very sorry for you and your DH. You are correct to be concerned about your DH unfortunately the studies find that the most risk group of suffering from depression after the loss of a pet are middle aged men with young families.
One of the over riding issues seems that men often hide their grief and feel it is inappropriate to be so unhappy. He needs to know that it is right and appropriate to grieve for your dog. This is details of the Blue Croses specialist Pet bereavement counselling service.

SilverHairedCat Fri 28-Sep-18 07:30:04

I'm so sorry. Its a huge loss and the grief is allowed to be ugly and public. Its OK for you both to be upset.

For your DH, does he use a counsellor for his ongoing MH? Has he used one in the past or has he any ongoing professional support? He may need to speak to someone and soon. The Blue Cross details above are perfect. Don't wait.

There is no such thing as just a dog.

Placebogirl Fri 28-Sep-18 07:43:32

You were there with her at the end, that's why you heard the thump. She didn't, she was already gone. You did the best and kindest thing for her, don't doubt it, and you made sure she was surrounded by love, right until the last minute--you didn't leave her when it got difficult.

Your DH will hurt for a while, maybe a long while. It will resurface for you both when you don't expect it (I am sitting here howling, because this story has reminded me of saying goodbye to my DCat, three years ago). IME the best things to do are to make room for his grief, and yours--don't lock it away, or not talk about it. And consider doing something in memoriam--a piece of jewellery perhaps, that reminds you of her, or something for your DH to have in his wallet. I'm still looking for the right piece of jewellery for my DCat, but I do want something.

Join the discussion

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet

Already have a Mumsnet account? Log in