In need of a shake! Or kick up the ****

(24 Posts)
Memom Wed 19-Sep-18 16:41:57

Our much wanted pup is home. Almost 10 years in the planning and I feel nothing. He is gorgeous. But I feel I'm just going through the motions. He just feels like another chore. I'm gutted! Tears flowing freely and I've no idea why. Someone give me a swift kick!

OP’s posts: |
missbattenburg Wed 19-Sep-18 16:47:22

Memom - no kick needed.

The first part of your post I could have written myself - ten years waiting and planning. For the first few weeks/months Battendog was just a responsibility. One I took very seriously but I remember looking at him and thinking "I feel responsible for you, I would do anything to make sure you are happy, healthy and safe but I do not FEEL any great love for you. I just have to trust that will come".

They are just too young to have a freindship with at that age.

Here we are, a year down the line and I just posted about how gutted I am going to be when he goes away for a few days later this year. It is genuinly going to be hard to be without him for that time.

Puppies are hard work and whilst my advice would be to try and enjoy as much as you can, I really think the great part about owning a dog comes later when you've helped him grow into a brilliant adult dog who is a good companion.

This bit is a chore but one that is worthwhile if you are to get the (adult) dog you want.

Hoppinggreen Wed 19-Sep-18 16:51:12

Puppy regret
Don’t worry, a lot of us have been there, check out a few other threads about it
It gets better I promise

BiteyShark Wed 19-Sep-18 16:58:34

It took a few months for me to like my puppy and a bit longer to love him. He's 2 now and I adore the furry boy as he's my best friend grin.

For me it came when he started to show his adult personality rather than just being this biting, peeing pooing demanding bundle of fur.

pigsDOfly Wed 19-Sep-18 18:55:54

You get closer to them as they get older and you've been through a few things together and bonded.

My dog was a very easy puppy, but she did a few things that nearly drove me to tears during adolescence that I can look back on now and laugh about.

All these things build your relationship with your dog.

So many people on here have felt the same about their puppies because it's a huge responsibility and tbh until they start becoming 'proper' dogs it can seem like there's very little reward.

There's a puppy thread on here that might help you if you have a look at it. You don't need a kick, you need support and to know that it will get better, honestly.

Memom Thu 20-Sep-18 10:14:34

Thank you for the kind words of encouragement. I'm in a state of 'what have I done?' It's madness, he was so wanted. Still is. I'm ridiculously tired and stressed by this fluffy little bod. It can only get better. (I keep telling myself this!)

OP’s posts: |
BiteyShark Thu 20-Sep-18 11:12:12

Totally normal for the 'what have I done' feelings. DH was talking about this not long ago saying he thought we had made the worst decision getting a dog when he was a puppy and now he is the best thing we ever did grin

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Cath2907 Thu 20-Sep-18 14:01:42

Oh yeah that!!! Yeah our pup was such a pain in the bum for the first few months. SO much hard work and all the biting and the puddles...

He is 9 months old now!

He got me up at 5:20am this morning (our wake up time is supposed to be 6am) and dragged me out before dawn to trek across a damp field. We saw a bat and heard owls. He rolled in something manky. We collected conkers and he found a frisbee. He carried that frisbee all the way home strutting like a peacock - even declining his customary dip in the river. Then I rolled him in a towel and he lay on my lap on his back as he does every morning so I could dry his paws and tickle his tummy. Finally he say on the sofa with his head on my shoulder whilst I sat on the floor eating my breakfast (he likes to lick my ear whilst I am eating my cereal!) He is currently snoozing on my feet under my desk having chewed up the biro I just dropped. I love my silly (slightly stinky) puppy. Even knowing it is now piddling down and I am going to have to go out in the rain to take him for a walk in a couple of hours.

Honestly it will come - you just have to not kill them for a few months until it does!

jellyshoeswithdiamonds Thu 20-Sep-18 21:45:23

When we first got our chap I purposely stopped myself from just loving on him ... in case it didn't work out.

I lasted all of a week. Daft dog melted my heart.

He's now 11 years old and while my kids have grown up and got their own lives/friends, my Dh working away, it's me and my chap here on our own. Love this dog to absolute bits (he's sleeping next to me on the sofa).

Memom Fri 21-Sep-18 10:15:40

So angry and upset with myself this morning. I spent half the night looking for residential dog training. I can't stop crying. The dog was supposed to be good for me. Our DD who has SEN has coped with it. Why can't I?

Pup is good. Odd puddle but nothing more.

I can't get attached, I won't allow it, but she is here for life! We made that decision years ago. Perhaps it will improve once the vaccinations are done and we can go out. sad

OP’s posts: |
BiteyShark Fri 21-Sep-18 10:23:45

It's very early days. You are just feeling overwhelmed with the responsibility of it all but that will pass so the best thing is just to accept how you feel and take each week at a time.

In a few months you will look back and realise it was just a phase you needed to get through.

BluthsFrozenBananas Fri 21-Sep-18 10:39:55

I once read something which said it takes ten weeks to get used to a big change or a new routine. It was certainly a couple of months for the puppy regret to completely pass in my case. I’ve had my dog nearly a year now and I adore her, but it’s taken nearly the whole time for us to get into a comfortable rhythm where she slots into the family rather than feels like a tiny, time consuming intruder.

Flippetydip Fri 21-Sep-18 10:52:48

TOTALLY normal. I had this in buckets - cried and felt physically sick and overwhelemd for the first 10 days and we got a rescue adult, house-trained, placid, lovely, easy dog so I can only imagine how horrendous it is with a puppy.

IT WILL PASS. Give it time. It's a bit like baby-blues - you get home from hospital with this precious bundle and think "what the bloody hell have I done?" It gets easier and you suddenly realise you can't imagine a time without a four-legged member of the family.

Honeyroar Fri 21-Sep-18 11:00:16

Puppies are hard work. Although cute they don't have the personality, loyalty or independence of a grown dog. They're exhausting. They're just babies.

As time goes on and you get to see them grow and mature, and share experiences with them you will realise that you do care and you do love them.

Rarfy Fri 21-Sep-18 11:29:43

It's so hard. I loved our pup from the moment we got him but still had the wtf have we done thoughts and tears.

They are so demanding. It felt like being given a toddler except you can take toddlers places and people will help out. Don't tend to get that with a dog.

I found every three months he matured a little bit more and was a little bit easier. It kind of happened in stages.

He is 3 now and quite an easy dog but has his quirks. I still get the wtf every now and again but i love him to pieces and he's part of the family and that's how it will stay.

Puppy classes might help and when you can take them out they will be tired so hopefully more rest periods.

OliviaBenson Fri 21-Sep-18 11:47:44

Totally normal - I joke about my 'post dog depression' now but my god it was tough.

Getting out for walks will help. Stay strong op, you will get through it.

Egg Fri 21-Sep-18 11:53:34

I definitely had the “what have I done, what was I thinking” couple of weeks when I just wanted to scream. Now I love my dog (almost) more than I love my children. Mainly as dog can’t talk back.

SilverHairedCat Fri 21-Sep-18 11:58:28

Yep, very normal. I sobbed when I took our 9mth old 3rd-hand dog for walks for the first few weeks because she dragged me out in front of a car, had no recall, and was a general embarrassment with behaviour and I massively regretted getting her.

Wouldn't be without her now obviously. She's 2 and much better. Still mental though grin.

PuppyMonkey Fri 21-Sep-18 12:01:34

Ah OP, we hear you. I’m just surprised that in ten years of preparation, you never heard of the phenomenon of the “puppy blues.”

We’ve had our wee fella four weeks now and it is hard work, but we’re starting to get there. Having a team of people in our family helps so much. It means we all get a break from the constant “poo, wee, eat, bite, play, go bonkers, be annoying, sleep” regime.

Ours is so good though tbh. It helps that he sleeps through the night and is starting to understand commands etc.

I know it’s tough but I’m hanging into the thought that this will pass and for you I’m sure the bond will come.

Here is a pic of the little tinker grin

pigsDOfly Fri 21-Sep-18 12:26:52

Memom . You can get out of the house with him before his injections, just don't put him down on the ground. It's good for him to get out and about and see the world from your arms. And it might make you feel less stuck at home with him.

How much training are you doing? He can learn some basic stuff like sit, come and giving his paw. Get him used to walking around your house on a lead, there's lots you can be doing with him before he can go on walks. There's so much information online to help, and loads of books available; have a look in your local library.

Have you booked him in for training classes - not residential training - that will help you bond with him. Most vets have puppy parties, which he will be able to attend once he's had his injections; they can be a bit chaotic but if his the sort of puppy that might like that sort of thing.

passwordfailure Fri 21-Sep-18 12:56:44

OP - i felt exactly the same and now I'm a dog loony. It took me until ddog was neutered so about 6 months and he bravely wobbled out of the vets. Now I just love him with all my heart. Tbh i am like this with people too, i just need more time to warm up than others.

Memom Sat 29-Sep-18 17:20:17

Thank you all for your wise words. Two weeks in and I think the bond is growing. The routine is building and tears are much less.

OP’s posts: |
ApolloandDaphne Sat 29-Sep-18 17:32:50

We too got a much longed for puppy and although she was cute she was hard work and almost broke me. I spent the first 6 moths working out how i could give her away.

Then at 6 months we started training. Weeks and weeks in a wet, windy , muddy field bonded us in way nothing else could. 6 years on and she is my world. I adore her with all my heart.

Stick with it OP. It will all be worth it in the end.

RedHelenB Sat 29-Sep-18 18:00:13

Mine is a year now. First dog in the family and was car sick as a pupoy which limited going out. Totally wouldn't get without him now he's always been cute but nothing better than a lovely walk with him in this lovely autumn weather.

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