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(94 Posts)
OhLawdy Tue 18-Sep-18 01:27:21

I put my pup to sleep in the kitchen for the first time tonight and it's been 2 hours and she is still barking sad
It's so loud. I'm worried about my neighbours and I can't sleep either!

She can't sleep in my room as my bed is low and she just jumps in it and bites my hair/face, plus my furniture is designed in a way where it juts out and she just tries to chew it all night.

I'm so stressed. Someone please tell me I'm doing the right thing. I feel awful

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twoheaped Tue 18-Sep-18 01:30:21

Do you have a crate for her?
I had mine next to my bed in a crate and then moved it further away over time.
Didn't take long, or too much crying to get him downstairs.
Have you been to see her, or just left her bark?

OhLawdy Tue 18-Sep-18 01:34:23

She had a crate but she HATES it. I've done all the crate value/feeding her in it but she just freaks out if left in it.

The advice on here was to ditch the crate and put her in the kitchen. So that's what I'm doing.

I haven't been to see her as I was told not to. If I go down I don't see what it will achieve as I will just have to leave again and she will think of she barks for long enough then I will come back??

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twoheaped Tue 18-Sep-18 01:36:56

Well if she hates a crate, I agree, don't put her in.
Have you tried a hot water bottle with one of your smell t-shirts round it?
I couldn't leave her, lack of sleep gives me a migraine. I'd try and settle her wherever she is happy to and try another night.

OhLawdy Tue 18-Sep-18 01:38:28

The reason im.leaving her is because I haven't slept for a week as she was in our room running about, biting my hair, jumping down to the floor and trying to chew wires, chair legs etc...

This puppy malarkey is so hard

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MrsRubyMonday Tue 18-Sep-18 02:06:56

We put ours downstairs when we first got them, my parents didn't allow dogs upstairs. From what I remember, it took about 3 nights for them to settle properly. If they were making too much noise, we would go down, not speak to them or interact at all, take them out for a wee and then back to bed, giving them the bed command we use. Lights off at all times. Otherwise, you do sort of have to wait it out.

WindyShrimp Tue 18-Sep-18 02:13:15

It sounds like you're moving way too fast for her, both with the crate training and with expecting her to suddenly start sleeping on her own. Both those things take time and just how much will vary from puppy to puppy.

Have you seen this collection of articles/guides? Puppy's First Night and the crate training guide should be particularly helpful. I'd also recommend searching the FB group those links are from (Dog Training Advice and Support) for "puppy crying", there are loads of posts from people in exactly the same position as you getting loads of really great advice on how to deal with it.

Right now you can't just leave her to bark, it's not fair on her and could potentially cause further problems (such as separation anxiety) further down the line.

Tonight I'd do whatever you need to just to get some sleep. If she's been barking for two hours she's probably knackered and you might find she settles quite quickly as soon as she's in with you. Tomorrow night try following the advice in the Puppy's First Night guide BUT just have her on your bed as you have been doing rather than trying to use a crate. If she finds the crate distressing then trying to use one at bed time is just going to be counter productive.

Puppies pretty much always mean some level of broken sleep, it just comes with the territory. It is tough, especially if you've got a puppy who is an early riser or wakes to go out multiple times a night, but it won't last forever and you just need to get through it.

passwordfailure Tue 18-Sep-18 02:14:51

She will give up after a week smile is the kitchen comfortable and warm enough? I leave my dogs in the living room but with a low light on. I would feel a bit mean about complete darkness.

BiteyShark Tue 18-Sep-18 06:02:31

Is the kitchen puppy proof? I used a very large crate in my kitchen (think XXL for a small to medium dog) so I knew he was safe but it was so large it was more like a massive play pen.

At night when he cried I would take him outside without saying a word even if he didn't need to pee or poo then back into his crate. I had to repeat this lots at first but be did get the message that night time was for sleeping or peeing but nothing else.

It sounds like you are jumping from one thing to another which I can understand being sleep deprived but you need to pick a technique and try it. The bedroom didn't work for your puppy but moving them into the kitchen you need to expect your puppy to be upset until you work out the setup and get them settled in that environment. Create a den with or without the crate (some people leave the door open but cover it towels but make sure the kitchen is puppy proofed). How old is the puppy? Mine would need the toilet through the night for several weeks so you may need to take them outside anyway to toilet at some point.

bpisok Tue 18-Sep-18 07:04:01

Exactly what @BiteyShark said. The first few nights we must have got up 15 times! Either DH or I slept on the sofa in the kitchen. Firstly we wore her out with lots and lots of play. Then toilet then I would sit on the floor with her for 15 mins stroking her to calm her down. Then She would go in her cage with the door locked and me sitting on the floor with my back to her. Then I would go to the sofa in the same room. Every single time she whimpered we carried her outside saying toilet and waited until she went to the toilet (or not) for a max of 5 mins but said nothing else to her. Then carry back to bed. Lock cage. Stand in front of cage with back to her for a couple of mins until she settled down. Back to sofa. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

After a couple of nights she understood. Then DH and I moved to the bedroom and used a baby monitor. First night several whimpers and every single time we got up as before so she realised she wasn't just trapped in her cage all night. We never left her crying for longer than a minute

The following night she only woke once. Now she's only waking after 5 or 6 hours....all within just over a week. The first few days were absolutely exhausting (many what have we done moments!). We didn't try anything else since she was obviously going to need to learn the patten of what happens when.

We were very consistent and DH and I agreed the rules. ......don't get me wrong, we are fully aware this could regress. We will just go back to square one and start from the beginning again (please please please don't let this happen!!).

Hope this helps?

bpisok Tue 18-Sep-18 07:13:27 if only I could stop her growling at her own reflection 🙁

adaline Tue 18-Sep-18 07:37:55

You can't just put her to bed and leave her - the barking is showing she's distressed and upset.

If you can't have her in your bedroom then you need to sleep downstairs near her - probably for a few weeks, slowly moving away from her until she's happy downstairs while you're asleep upstairs.

But young puppies will need taking to the toilet in the night unless you're happy to use puppy pads - which in my opinion just slow toilet training and confuse the dog. We took ours out twice a night at 12, weeks, by 16 weeks it was once and now he's 8 months he sleeps through happily from 11pm-7am without needing the toilet.

It is exhausting and takes time but please don't just leave your puppy to cry. It's not fair on them, you or your neighbours and I'd be very unimpressed if I was kept awake for days on end because someone had got a puppy and stuck them downstairs alone at night without training them to be by themselves.

Remember they're used to sleeping with their mum and litter mates - it's a huge ask to expect them to come into our homes and settle on their own in the dark!

BiteyShark Tue 18-Sep-18 10:13:34

Are you ok OP? I remember how tiring it was.

One thing that struck me I haven't been to see her as I was told not to. You will gets lots of conflicting advice saying you can't do that or you must do this. Remember that all puppies and households are different and you just need to find the approach that works for you.

OhLawdy Tue 18-Sep-18 10:27:30

I'm just doing what my trainer has told me to do
And it makes sense.

If I keep going down to her how will she learn to self soothe and settle on her own?
She will learn that 'I bark and mum comes" so she will bark more.

I'm just going to ride it out.

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bpisok Tue 18-Sep-18 11:05:07

Sorry, I don't agree with letting them cry and cry it just seems cruel since they are probably just lonely and scared (they are puppies in a new home without their doggy families). Wouldn't you be scared in your puppy's position? Then will then hate it more and more and each night they will be reluctant to go to bed because they know they are going to be left with no idea when they are going to be let out of their 'prison' (since that's what it will become to them). Knowing someone will come if they call surely would make them more secure and more likely to sleep? Leave for a minute or so to see if they are going to settle yes, but hours???
....mind you, I don't believe in leaving human babies to cry either. I always picked DD up, cuddled her until she was nearly asleep and then put her back in her cot which is pretty much the same approach as to my puppy.

BiteyShark Tue 18-Sep-18 11:09:50

I know people who have used that approach successfully.

However, I did a half way house approach because I didn't want to be presented with pee/poo accidents and didn't want to use puppy pads.

Good luck OP

adaline Tue 18-Sep-18 11:26:23

Sorry OP but I think that's quite cruel.

Your pup is a baby. They're young and alone and scared and need comfort - not to just be dumped in a dark room and left to cry for hours on end.

You need to teach your dog that it's okay to be alone. That you're there when they're upset and scared or need the toilet at 3am.

Training a dog to self settle doesn't involve shutting them downstairs and ignoring them - it involves days/weeks of sitting with them and providing comfort and reassurance.

Mamabear12 Tue 18-Sep-18 12:17:01

Have you tried to make sure she gets enough exercise and run around? My pup is zonked out by 7/8pm and sleeps all the way until 6 or 7am the next day, depending when my youngest gets up (once he gets up, I get up and then take her straight out). We were lucky though as since 8 weeks old she always got super tired by 8pm and she never cried in the crate at night. However, we also made sure she was played with, stimulated with training and when old enough taken out for walks enough. I take her for first pee usually 6:30/7pm and then school run is 8 and she gets to run around the park and play with other pets for 30 or 45 mins. She is taken out again for a quick walk at noon (10 mins) and then for 1 or 2 or sometimes out for 3 hours after I pick up the kids. She is not walking the entire time, but will be walked at least 30 mins or more during that time, have a round around and lying around while outside (while the kids are playing in the park). I think that makes a big difference that she is out a lot. I know not everyone is able to do this as they work. And yes, I know pups are not meant to do too much walking. She is usually playing and running around off lead her own choice and is able to rest when she wants. She gets plenty of time to nap during the day as well. But every night come 8pm she like to sleep for most of the night (sometimes she sleeps out of the crate until the last person goes to bed around 10 or 11pm and puts her in the crate).

OhLawdy Tue 18-Sep-18 12:59:24

I think it's case of cruel to be kind in the long run and I think for her it's the best option.

I'm going to try a warm hot water bottle tonight and some music.

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BiteyShark Tue 18-Sep-18 13:05:19

I have a white noise machine which I find helps BiteyDog not hear every single thing happening.

LikeLemondrops Tue 18-Sep-18 14:29:39

I've never left a pup to bark at night because I was worried that would become their routine. The first few nights I slept on the sofa. Any crying/barking I got up and let pup out of his crate and took him straight outside and told him 'toilet'. Then straight back to his crate. We have a clock with a loud tick which I put on his crate to sound like a heartbeat. We also make sure he goes in his crate about 20 minutes before we go to bed so he winds down in there while we are still about. He now sleeps through 11pm-630am at 10 weeks (although in my experience this is quite young for him to do this!)

Leaving them to bark may mean that they associate bedtime with a stressful time and they learn that what they do is bark at that time, instead of relax.

OhLawdy Tue 18-Sep-18 14:34:05

Everyone has a different opinion and way they would do this.
It's impossible to take on everyone's tactics.

And keep changing is going to confuse her.

I've started this and am going to stick with it. I will try and make her feel happier in the kitchen. I'll try the hot water bottle and the white noise thing.

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bpisok Tue 18-Sep-18 15:58:20

I think there was only one poster who said they would let them cry - and even that poster wouldn't leave them in the dark.
It sounds like you have nerves of steel though - I think I would go crazy listening to incessant howling. I would probably lay in my bed howling just as loudly after a couple of nights of listening to it hahaha

OhLawdy Tue 18-Sep-18 16:29:50

I just put my headphones in after about 4am.
I'll do that from the start tonight.

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OhLawdy Tue 18-Sep-18 16:30:49

Whobsaid she was in the dark? She had a dim lamp on

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