I Don’t Love My Dog :(

(103 Posts)
Together24 Wed 03-Jan-18 16:03:40

We’ve had her 10 weeks (since she was 8 weeks old) and I still feel very little for her. I’m stressed out and really hating dog ownership.
It’s not her fault, it’s mine for not anticipating the reality of having a dog. Friends see me in tears and ask what I was thinking and the truth is I really don’t know. We researched for months and do have the time, space and finances to care for her - but not the love it seems.
She’s a really lovely pup. DH is neutral. He felt we had made a mistake at first too but now after the initial shock, he says we will keep her if I can cope or rehome her if it keeps meaning I’m so upset (constantly tearful, not sleeping, depressed).
I don’t know how long it will take, if ever, for me to actually want the dog in our lives and the longer I’m like this the less fair it is on pup and of course the kids.
The kids like the idea of a puppy (of course) but it falls to me and DH to do all the hard work. It seems like Puppy blues but still after 2 and a half months?!
I couldn’t have known how I would feel but it doesn’t stop me feeling absolutely awful.
She’s very well cared for, goes to classes, is housebroken and I spend time every day training and exercising her. I don’t mind any of it, it’s just that I don’t enjoy it. Every morning I wake up and my heart sinks with dread.
Has anyone got through this feeling and out the other side?
Or should I seriously think about rehoming (through a proper breed-specific charity etc to get the best home for her, I wouldn’t even consider anything less)?

OP’s posts: |
Sofabitch Wed 03-Jan-18 16:05:53

Its still early days. We are 7 weeks in and its getting much easier which helps. I don't think the horrible weather helps much either. Have you joined puppy classes yet? I found they really helped.

Ginorchoc Wed 03-Jan-18 16:08:15

What is it the pup is doing/not doing that’s making you tearful, constantly upset and depressed???

Sofabitch Wed 03-Jan-18 16:09:05

Oh sorry i mis read. And thought puppy was 10 weeks old.not you've had for 10 weeks.

You have done the hardest part now. It will get easier with the weather improving.

I still have days of regret..like this morning when sofapup vommitted what looked and smelt like shit on my bed. And when I was looking at holidays realising abroad was out for a while

Sofabitch Wed 03-Jan-18 16:10:48

In tears? What is the dog doing?

Are you crate training? How is toilet training?

Whats making you cry?

BiteyShark Wed 03-Jan-18 16:10:52

I had puppy blues and although I felt responsibility for him I didn't love him and felt overwhelmed lots of times.

Honestly I would say he was just getting past the teenage stage and calming down as an adult dog when I started to relax with him. I love every bit of him now and yes he drives me potty sometimes and I still get frustrated but I would not be without him for anything in the world as he's my 'best friend'. He's 14 months now grin

Maybe give yourself a break. You mention getting up and not enjoying the walking and training. Really you don't need to train every single day. Why not just have a walk and a bit of a play/down time every now and again so you start to enjoy your dog rather than it being like a 'job'.

strangerhoes Wed 03-Jan-18 16:11:01

Oh bloody hell, no matter what the animal lovers who will no doubt berate you on this thread say- a dog isn’t worth mental health.
Responsibly rehome it.

Advertisement

fessmess Wed 03-Jan-18 16:14:07

I felt this when mine was 16-18 weeks old and we had her from 8 weeks. I finally fell in love when she got to about 6 months. She's testing my patience again now(14 months) as she's an adolescent. Only you know how you feel though. My only thought would be; if you regimes her would you regret it?

fessmess Wed 03-Jan-18 16:14:40

Regime

fessmess Wed 03-Jan-18 16:15:04

Rehome. Third time lucky!!

Whitney168 Wed 03-Jan-18 16:17:49

Please don't take this as condescending, but it does rather sound as if perhaps this is more than just the dog?

If you do decide you can't cope, assuming you bought her from a responsible breeder, do please approach them first though rather than passing her to even a breed specific rescue. A good breeder will very much want to take her back, or at least be involved in rehoming (and may have a waiting list of suitable people).

Together24 Wed 03-Jan-18 16:19:38

It’s not anything the dog is doing wrong, not at all. I can’t explain it any other way than I’m
just not enjoying having a dog. She is housetrained, crate trained, you name it. She’s someone’s dream pup...
People say they love their dogs, wouldn’t be without them etc and I just don’t feel it.
I feel very down and anxious all the time because it feels like I made a big mistake that I can’t fix. I’ve read about Puppy blues but even then, people seem unanimous that it passes quickly and they get so much more from their dog than the dog takes.. which is why I feel really confused.
I’m up at 5:30am to let her out and then she goes back to sleep for about half an hour. So, yes I’m tired but I understand that will get better as she grows.
I don’t know what else to say really, something about getting her has just triggered some kind of intense anxiety.

OP’s posts: |
ineedamoreadultieradult Wed 03-Jan-18 16:21:09

Which part of having her is making you feel like this?
Is she destroying your home/damaging your stuff?
Is she constantly badgering you for attention or to go in or out the house?
Is she noisy and yapping, barking, whining?
Do you feel tied down by having her?
If you can identify the issue we can offer advice, if you can't identify the cause then it might be best to responsibly re-home.

DevilTree Wed 03-Jan-18 16:21:10

Nothing to berate you for if you're taking care of her needs. You can't force a feeling (love), but you can go through the steps necessary to fulfil the dogs needs, and trust that the love will probably come.

Can you tell us a bit more? What breed is she? Why did you choose that breed/what traits and characteristics of the breed attracted you to it?

What are the things that are bothering you the most, do you think? Is it the loss of freedom? The mess? Having a creature so reliant on you? The enormity of training and socialising a puppy? If you can analyse why you're feeling so low about it all, then you can work out how best to tackle that.

ineedamoreadultieradult Wed 03-Jan-18 16:21:51

Oops x-post

LaurieFairyCake Wed 03-Jan-18 16:22:35

The dog sounds as if it's doing very well and you've clearly done a good job to get her trained.

Does she have loads of toys ? And does she play with them independently?

Secondly - hire a dog walker who will exercise him with other dogs. Once she is stimulated and tired and away from you for a while during the day you will likely miss her.

You're tired and have done loads of work with her.

I feel really sorry for you but I also want you to suck it up for her benefit - she sounds like a great dog and loved by everyone even though you're not really feeling it yet.

Floralnomad Wed 03-Jan-18 16:26:24

Who’s idea was it to get a puppy in the first place , if it wasn’t yours I doubt things will change for you . It’s all very well people saying the weather will be better soon etc but the weather will still be crap next year and the year after .

Together24 Wed 03-Jan-18 16:27:10

I tried to contact the breeder several times - not about rehoming -
But in the first few weeks to let her know how pup was doing, and then last week again to ask (politely) if they wanted to stay in touch because they never called or text back. Nothing.

I have a colleague who seriously offered to take her as a companion to his gundog (same breed). I showed him videos of the pup and he was amazed how well behaved she is and says her temperament is exceptional. Part of me was sorely tempted to discuss it further but I’m sure if we do decide to rehome, we will be very sad so figured a breed rescue as a middle-man would be wiser than rehoming with someone I work with. Plus we couldnt ever take her back so I thought a rescue expert would be the best of a bad situation.

OP’s posts: |
roundtable Wed 03-Jan-18 16:27:40

Go to the puppy survival thread op. You'll get sympathy and tips over there.

I was not the instigator of getting a dog and at times I found it all a bit much even though I'm very fond of her and she's responded to training well. What really helped me was when we found someone suitable for dog daycare. It felt like we'd found somewhere safe for her to go when needed (when i work) as it alleviated the pressure if that makes sense? Would that be something you could look into?

I think for me it was the perceived loss of freedom and once a solution was found for that - it lifted.

You sound like you've worked hard but just need done respite maybe.

Good luck.

BiteyShark Wed 03-Jan-18 16:29:52

I can never understand how anyone could love the puppy months. I just held on until adulthood when I finally got the dog I had always wanted.

I think you are being too hard on yourself especially as it sounds like you are also beating yourself up for not loving the dog. From what you said you are caring and doing all the right things for the dog.

Is there anyone who would look after the pup for a day or even a couple of nights to give you a break.

choccybiscuit Wed 03-Jan-18 16:29:54

Definately rehome. You're supposed to enjoy your animals. If you don't, its not fair on them or you. It will have a lovely life in another home too.

constantchange Wed 03-Jan-18 16:29:59

OP I had the dog blues for about three months! I thought I'd made a MASSIVE mistake getting my rescue. It's now almost a year later and I genuinely couldn't imagine life without him.

Hang in there. I promise it will get easier smile

Whitney168 Wed 03-Jan-18 16:30:43

That's not good, OP.

If you have a colleague who you KNOW has treated their current dog well, I would think that is a very good solution.

Together24 Wed 03-Jan-18 16:32:26

They’re good questions.

I suppose it’s a combination of being exhausted (I’m on weekly chemo) but DH makes sure I get plenty time to rest so it’s not just that.

The weather is certainly crap but even picking up her poop in the freezing rain doesn’t bother me in itself - I just feel really ‘off’ all the time.

She’s like any other pup I guess and does need constant supervision or I’m sure she would bite furniture, kids etc but we manage her pretty tightly, restrict her access, train her consistently etc and she’s quite well behaved.

I honestly feel like it’s a chemistry thing - I feel permanently ‘on edge’. Even if she’s blissfully asleep I’m worrying about when she wakes, how to entertain her, whether I’m neglecting my kids or my work etc..

OP’s posts: |
Coloursthatweremyjoy Wed 03-Jan-18 16:32:52

My dog is 6 now. I've had him since he was a puppy. In the early days (weeks) I really thought "what have I done?" He really is a fantastic dog but there are days when I get up and sigh about feeding him before I get my coffee. His needs are always met but sometimes I'm just not feeling it, the relentless day after day...the grind. Winter, mud, rain, snow and dark mornings don't help!

Then he'll do something, or cuddle up to me when I feel down or it's a lovely clear morning and there are deer in the field...and I remember how great it is.

The puppy stage is hard, sometimes you just need to do so getting until your feelings catch up. Come spring you might feel differently.

Join the discussion

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet

Already have a Mumsnet account? Log in