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I've made a massive mistake

(37 Posts)
guestofclanmackenzie Mon 18-Sep-17 13:48:21

I'm in a sticky situation and I don't know what to do...

Basically my parents have a toy dog who they have had since a pup and the dog is now is 5 years old. This dog has been completely doted on and spoilt by my parents to the point the dogs diva behaviour has been a bit of a joke with the rest of the family.

Recently my Mum (who has historically had allergy issues) has been suffering with her health and, cutting a long story short, has been told by a specialist after numerous tests that the dog has to be rehomed otherwise she will end up hospitalised.

My parents were totally devastated.

So they tentatively lined up another family out of the area who apparently love this particular breed and a date was set for the handover of their dog.

I am a dog lover and in our family we have a large breed dog who we dote on. We have trained our dog well and our dog is the apple of our eye in every way. I am so attached to our own dog, I see him as my baby. We go for long muddy dog walks and he does lots of tricks which is typical for his breed. I look at him and my heart melts.

Last week, we were with my parents and when they mentioned the day of the handover for their dog, my mum broke down in tears. Hating seeing my parents so upset, and knowing how much they have supported me in the past with various things, in a total moment of madness, I offered to take their dog in.I stressed to them that I am not particularly a lover of toy dogs, my bond is with the breed of my own dog, but I would be taking her in purely to help them. They live relatively locally so they can see her whenever they want and that their dog will be kept in the family.

They were over the moon and overjoyed. They couldn't thank me enough. My dad said he would pay all the vet bills for her but also commented that if it doesn't work out, we shouldn't feel bad about rehoming her. I woke up the next morning thinking WTF have I done? I have never bonded with their dog. I don't think she is cute at all (please dont flame me for this) and I hate her "diva" behaviour. (Mainly surrounding what she will or will not eat and where she sleeps)

On the day of the handover they came over with a bootful of paraphernalia for her. I was shocked to feel nothing but irritation that my kitchen has been filled with stuff and crap for her. They casually asked me whose bed she would be sleeping on and looked shocked when I said that she will sleep in the kitchen in her own bed as does my own dog.

They then made a show of introducing her to us "this is your new mummy and daddy" Remembering what my dad had said about rehoming her, I made a lighthearted comment about "Let's see how this goes shall we?" My dad asked me what I meant and I said that we will have to see how my own dog takes to her as he is 8 years old and never had to live with another dog. Immediately they commented "oh they will be fine together don't worry" yes well we will see. (So far as it happens my own dog has been fine. He just ignores her!)

Please don't misinterpret this post to suggest I would ever neglect or abuse her as I am not like that but I look at her and feel nothing for her. I look at her and see the really bad tear stains on her white coat and she has breath that would strip paint so I don't like to pick her up too much.

I just so regret stepping forward and now don't know what to do for the best. Sorry for the essay btw.

Winteriscomingneedmorewood Mon 18-Sep-17 13:53:20

Take today as the first day of the ddogs new life-as a dog!
Your house your rules.
Maybe once it's lost its diva-ness it won't be so bad!
I sympathise as a dm who has 'inherited' dd dog after her relationship break down.
Heard my dh (from the pantry) last night telling it he didn't like it so to stop looking at him!!

Spudlet Mon 18-Sep-17 13:55:04

Small dogs can be very cool when they are treated like dogs (rather than little furry dollies). So give it a little time, treat her like a dog, and she might just surprise you smile

Spudlet Mon 18-Sep-17 13:56:40

Ps assuming she's a fluffy thing, take her to a groomers for a short back and sides. She can wear an appropriate coat on chilly days, and she'll be lower maintenance and better able to run about and get mucky.

XJerseyGirlX Mon 18-Sep-17 14:00:37

OP I think its a lovely thing you have done to make your parents happy.
If this way of thinking helps you: They probably did loads of things they didn't want to do for you when you were a kid :-)

Just think of it as "giving something back"
I hope it works out

Winteriscomingneedmorewood Mon 18-Sep-17 14:02:25

Maybe a mowhawk like Bogdan??

Alittlepotofrosie Mon 18-Sep-17 14:04:27


Your husband sounds like a cruel person. I wouldn't be posting saying my husband was a dick to a dog.

Op give it a chance. It's your dog now. Teach it some manners. Its probably crying out for some rules and structure. Lots of toy breeds are extremely intelligent and need something to do.

Whitney168 Mon 18-Sep-17 14:06:16

To a large extent, dogs behave as they are allowed to behave. What breed is she?

I bet she will muck in with you and be fine, but if not then yes, you should rehome her to a more appropriate home really.

Give her a chance - carry on more or less as normal and see how she fits in. Get her a bone to clean her teeth up and/or some more appropriate food (and if she won't eat the bone, let your dad pay for a dental clean).

sparechange Mon 18-Sep-17 14:06:48

I know what you mean, OP.
I love all dogs but can't bond with certain breeds

But given you've done a great job of training your own dog, I'm sure it will just be a matter of weeks before you've cured this one of all the diva behaviour.

And you'll soon work out what if the paraphernalia you do and don't actually need, and the rest can go in the shed or bin

Good luck!

Winteriscomingneedmorewood Mon 18-Sep-17 14:25:44

I don't think she knew what he was she saying - just like she doesn't when I threaten her with the sausage factory sometimes!!
We have 4 dogs and he is a fantastic dog owner.

DeadButDelicious Mon 18-Sep-17 14:29:36

What breed is it? We had a pug (we lost her earlier on this year at just turned 5 years old) and she could definitely have her diva moments BUT they were few and far between. It's easy to forget when they are little that they are actually dogs but if you treat her like a dog, she will behave like a dog and will probably pick up cues from your dog too. It's going to be fine.

We need pictures though. Obviously. grin

tocas Mon 18-Sep-17 14:32:26

Take her to a vet to get her teeth cleaned

Soubriquet Mon 18-Sep-17 14:38:06

Oh dont tar all toy breeds as diva dogs

Honestly they are a big dog in a small package

My dh before he met me hated little dogs. Now we have a chihuahua and he adores her. Won't go for big dogs again

She is treated like a dog. She sleeps downstairs, she gets her food (though it has to be grain free), she walks for miles but enjoys her cuddles too. She's currently curled up on my lap as we speak after having a nice long walk this morning.

With a bit of training, and they are very trainable, I bet all that "diva" behaviour will just melt away.

Give her time though. She's gone from being a spoilt pampered pooch, to a dog. She will need time to adjust too

guestofclanmackenzie Mon 18-Sep-17 17:32:16

Thanks for the replies

That is exactly how I am looking at it. They are fantastic parents and I'm just trying to get through it by telling myself it's time to repay them for all the favours they have done for me in the past.

For those who have asked, she is a Maltese terrier. I took her for a walk with my own dog earlier and she has obviously never been down a muddy path before as we got 50 metres down the path and she "put the brakes on" and inspected her paws in disgust!

She has been shorn within an inch of her life so at the moment she doesn't look her best to be honest as she literally looks scalped!

I just keep thinking that we need to do what's best for her...she could have been with a family who don't already have a dog of their own and have always wanted a Maltese terrier and would dote on her.

sparechange Mon 18-Sep-17 17:39:09

Being doted on isn't automatically the best life for a dog though!

I had a rescue dog a few years who had come from a puppy farm and had barely seen a garden, let alone the woods I walk my mutts in

The first few times we had a muddy walk, she looked horrified and shook her paws like she was flicking mud and water off them. You have never seen a more furious dog when made to come for a walk in the rain, and she looked positively miserable when other dogs wanted to play.

Fast forward a year and she had learned to be a dog. She bounded through muddy fields, snuffled in hedgerows and had made 2 best friends.
I'm pretty sure she would say she wouldn't swap her old indoor life for all the treats in the world.

villainousbroodmare Mon 18-Sep-17 17:41:01

Get her teeth done and it'll make all the difference!

Thewolfsjustapuppy Mon 18-Sep-17 22:54:37

We currently have a toy breed dog on foster from a family member (note I say foster as I can't agree to adopt, yet). She is not our sort of dog! But she has been with us for 6 weeks now and starting to fit in very well. I don't think she had ever been walked off lead before and not in the mud, ever. Yesterday she came on a 6mile coastal hike and, apart from having to be lifted over some high sties, she aced it! She was honestly happier and had more energy at the end than my Irish terrier grin. We all have some newfound respect for the little git and she has earned her place on the sofa. She also eats almost nothing, which helps.
I haven't managed to cure the yapping yet hmm

ineedamoreadultieradult Mon 18-Sep-17 23:02:40

I think you are placing human emotions onto an animal which whilst intelligent isnt a human. You have already labelled the dog a diva and now when it experiences something new such as mud you think it is inspecting it's paws in discust. If a puppy of your favourite breed experienced mud for the first time and displayed the same behaviour you would probably label it as cute or funny instead. Either give it a chance of learning to be a dog or let it go but don't take it in and refuse to give it a chance!

ineedamoreadultieradult Mon 18-Sep-17 23:03:53


LovingLola Mon 18-Sep-17 23:06:39

I feel sorry for the poor dog.

fleshmarketclose Mon 18-Sep-17 23:08:00

Just because she is a toy breed she doesn't have to be a diva. You and your dog can help her learn how to be a dog I'm sure. I have a small white fluffy pretty dog but he doesn't realise it. He walks miles on all terrains in all weathers, he's regularly wet and muddy, he chases balls and plays rough and tumble with all his dog friends, and he's calm and focused and loyal.
You could be the best thing that ever happened to the dog, mould her and make her a dog you can grow to love.

guestofclanmackenzie Mon 18-Sep-17 23:54:45

I have tried to do the right thing but because I have acknowledged I don't have a bond with the dog and I am considering what is best for her, makes me a cruel person?

Alittlepotofrosie Tue 19-Sep-17 06:56:20

She will probably need a little coat on outside if she's been shorn.

birchandrowan Tue 19-Sep-17 10:17:23

You've hardly had her any time at all. She's having to adapt to a completely new home and lifestyle. It took me weeks to feel any bond with one of my dogs, then suddenly one day I realised how much I loved her.
And definitely take the advice to get her teeth checked.

AnUtterIdiot Tue 19-Sep-17 10:49:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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