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slight puppy regret and I feel awful for it

(31 Posts)
ladybella Mon 20-Mar-17 16:50:47

I guess the title explains it really, we've had our cocker pup for nearly five months now and I'm really starting to regret getting her and I feel awful for feeling this way about the situation!
Everything's she's doing I totally expected; chewing things, being a little snappy with our young boy (mainly playfully and never left alone together) having little accidents when left alone etc, the usual puppy things. What I didn't expect is just how much I'm not coping with it all. She was very much wanted and thought about, and like I say I expected it be be hard but I just feel like I can't deal with it and the extra responsibilities that come along with her, along with a toddler and recent depression diagnosis.
She's well looked after, walked regularly, lots of play time, but she's just such a handful and I recently had to bring her with me to my family members house for a weekend and I was in tears a lot of the time because of her/not being able to cope.
I'm not really sure what I'm hoping for by posting this here, maybe advice and some one to tell me it'll get easier, or to hear from someone who's been in a similar situation who's given their puppy to a good home??
Please be kind, I'm already feeling awful about all of this! sad

FindersKeeperz Mon 20-Mar-17 16:56:14

Oh lovey. It does get better I promise you! When you go out can you put her in a room that has easy clean flooring and it also limits the amount of options pup has for causing destruction.
Have you looked at going to some training classes? They helped me loads. It is overwhelming at times but it does get better, my lurcher (crazy thing) is nearly 2 and the amount of times I've been exasperated is ridiculous grin
Keep going - you'll get there xx

BiteyShark Mon 20-Mar-17 16:59:33

Can you put your finger on what exactly you regret? My cocker is 6 months old and can still be a handful but I can see each week he is getting better in a lot of aspects and what keeps me going is knowing when he is more mature it will be easier.
Do you have the money to bring in dog walkers or doggie day care to give you some dog free breaks. I work partly in an office and my dog goes to day care so in that respect I get a break which sometimes is much needed.

pigsDOfly Mon 20-Mar-17 17:13:07

Don't despair. It can seem overwhelming at times - lots of us have shed a tear when our puppies get too much - but it does get easier.

Agree with Finders about training classes, absolutely essential to help you learn to train her. Are you working on her basic training as well as playing with her? It's important for her to learn the rules so she becomes a well behaved, well rounded dog.

The more you work with her to train her, the more you'll bond with her.

Don't give up.

There's a lot of training help online as well if you google it.

thatdearoctopus Mon 20-Mar-17 17:18:05

I was in your shoes 6 years ago when we got out cocker/poodle mix. I remember sitting on the steps in the garden crying at 5.30am once, when he was having a whale of a time exploring, having got me out of bed thinking he wanted a wee.
Everyone else's puppies were beautifully house-trained in the blink of an eye; mine took bloody months.

It wasn't long before he morphed into the most wonderful pet on the planet. Stick with it. I wonder if it's some of the other stresses in your life that are making you focus on the puppy as the main problem. She'll improve, I promise.

justdontevenfuckingstart Mon 20-Mar-17 17:20:42

This is still really young and yes it's exasperating. Hang on in there it does get better. We said our dogs were much harder than kids. Sam chewed everything in sight for about 16 months and it was hell. All good now tho.

Wolfiefan Mon 20-Mar-17 17:21:01

It's hard. My girl is now six months and just starting to get easier. Have you started training yet? I found something to keep her brain occupied was key. They can't actually be walked too much too young and too much playing can overtire them!
What are the biggest issues?

ladybella Mon 20-Mar-17 17:21:10

We have wooden floor in our open plan kitchen dining area which she has to sleep/play in and is only separated by a wide baby gate from the carpeted living room, which she's allowed into on a night when our boy is in bed or if he has his larger toys out (ones she can't pinch!) She's was really great during the day for going to the loo outside a couple of months ago but recently just pees/poos where ever she stops lately, making no attempt to sit by the door like she was doing, so we've gone back to giving treats/lots of praise when she goes outside to see if that'll help but it's not much better, and everynight we come down to a puddle in the same place, it's happened so often the wood is starting to expand! We've tried going to bed later, coming down to let her out during the night AND getting up extra early to let her out but she still pees there everynight, if we put a puppy pad down she'll pee on there but rip it to shreds straight after, so it's easier to clean the puddle than the mess of a ripped up pad!
I will have a look into local training classes and see how that goes!

BiteyShark Mon 20-Mar-17 17:25:08

Could you slowly introduce her to a crate at night as dogs will only fowl their bed if they are forced to? The problem is she can probably still smell her pee which will make it more attractive to keep peeing in that place although not sure what you could use on wood to get rid of the smell.

BiteyShark Mon 20-Mar-17 17:28:30

I have had another thought, my cocker would make a half hearted gesture that he wanted to go out and if you didn't spot him he would pee on the floor so we trained him to bash a training bell which meant we could hear him even when we were not in the same room. I am just wondering if your puppy has got 'fed up' of sitting by the door and has thus gone backwards in toilet training.

ladybella Mon 20-Mar-17 17:29:29

@wolfiefan - the biggest issues at the minute for me is the chewing and the peeing/pooing anywhere she fancies after being really good at letting us know she wanted out just a month ago, nothing changed on our hand as we still gave her praise and let her out when she sat by the door (even if she just wanted to play out there she was letting us know) She'll rip anything she can reach, found out today while putting the rain cover on the pushchair that she's chewed giant holes in that, along with countless shoes, paper work etc! She does this damage on a night/if we have to leave her alone, so I feel like it's abit of boredom on her behalf but there's not much we can do during the night to keep her entertained other than her mounds of toys and chews that she clearly isn't instereted in

ladybella Mon 20-Mar-17 17:33:12

@biteyshark we can't see/smell the area but clearly she still can, i've tried everything to help, and she would never sit there long, it's al open plan downstairs and as soon as we saw her sit/go near the door someone would be up to let her out and we'd praise her for letting us know and once she'd been to the loo outside too

Thattimeofyearagain Mon 20-Mar-17 17:34:23

Would you consider letter her sleep upstairs ? We had 6 months of hell with our lab cross boy - my mum stepped in and ordered us to take him up with us after we were on our knees with tiredness. wink

ladybella Mon 20-Mar-17 17:35:30

thank you for all the replies, I'll definitely look into local training classes and the training bell by the door sounds like a good idea to try smile

Thattimeofyearagain Mon 20-Mar-17 17:35:30

Oh & he is 2 now and the apple of my eye smile

ladybella Mon 20-Mar-17 17:37:32

haha no we wouldn't let her stay upstairs, we decided that before we had her she wouldn't be allowed up, she'll quickly run up and around the rooms if she gets the chance when we're getting ready for her walk mind! grin

SparklingRaspberry Mon 20-Mar-17 18:15:46

First of all get rid of the puppy pads! That's probably your biggest problem when it comes to peeing/pooing in the house.

If she's allowed to just squat and pee on a pad then she will most likely do it around the house. At her age I'm confused as to why you're still using them? I apologise if I'm wrong, but that's probably had a lot to do with her going backwards instead of forwards.

Are you taking her to puppy classes?
Is she socialised with other dogs on a regular bases?
Do you keep her separated from your son a lot?

training never stops. Stick to it, get a trainer to come over your house if you can't make it out (although I highly recommend going to training!).

It does get easier. But this breed is a lot to handle. There's a reason why they usually do the job they do.

SparklingRaspberry Mon 20-Mar-17 18:16:29

Just read your update sorry.

I'm quite surprised you've yet to take her training.

You'll both really benefit from this. Good luck!

hairypaws Mon 20-Mar-17 18:32:26

I have a cocker and believe me, I remember feeling exactly the same around that age. I reached the end of my tether then things improved and she is such a beautiful girl. She's 6 now and I have no regrets. I truly thought I couldn't go on with her and felt helpless but suddenly things got easier. Stick with it, you will soon be coming out the other side and it really is worth it.

elastamum Mon 20-Mar-17 18:37:40

Get a puppy crate for night times and start taking her to training classes. Also, a six month old dog needs a lot of exercise. When Ddog1 was that age I was out of the house for an hours walk at the crack of dawn every day. Stick with it - it gets better

AgathaF Mon 20-Mar-17 20:00:50

She needs to be crated when you're not available, so nighttime, when you leave her alone in the house, or when you just need 10 mins to get on with something else. Make the crate nice and cosy for her, with some toys and her bed in it. I'm sure it'll help loads on the peeing and pooing, and if she's in the crate when you can't be watching her then you can monitor the chewing and deal with it. She's probably teething about now, hence the chewing, but you need to be on the ball offering her something she is allowed to chew and being firm with what she can't chew.

You really need to get her to training classes, and maybe see about getting a dog trainer round to your home to assess how she, and you, are doing and give you some suggestions for getting over these hurdles.

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig Mon 20-Mar-17 21:34:00

You have to get her to training classes. The important thing to remember is that they're not just for her, they're for you too. You need the classes to understand your dogs behaviour, to manage your expectations and to train her to behave nicely. She will need direction and boundaries. You will need to learn how to do that. Classes are a lot of fun. Exasperating sometimes, but fun. It strengthens your bond and turns your crazy puppy into a clever, dependable dog. You will learn so much from them, as long as you find a good instructor. Avoid anyone that mentions dominance theory but go with an open mind. And don't forget that training is for life.

BagelGoesWalking Mon 20-Mar-17 22:22:32

Join this group. In their Files section, they have a toilet training guide. I think you need to go back to basics and act as if she's a small puppy again and get rid of the puppy pads!

You can also try getting some puzzle/toys which will exhaust her mentally.

Good luck, however much you've prepared for it, the reality is different and unrelenting when they're so young. Like all the others said, it will get a bit easier!

pinkhousesarebest Tue 21-Mar-17 07:16:11

I had a beagle before dcs. Honestly dcs were a walk in the park after him. The worst moment was coming home to find my newly laid stair runner completely unravelled strand by strand. Echo the training advice. I thought I could handle it myself. But boy was I wrong.

MadisonAvenue Tue 21-Mar-17 07:30:14

Sweetheart, I know just how it feels. I have nothing to add to the wonderful advice you've been already given but now we're five years on I'd give my husband up for adoption before my beautiful dog wink

flowers for you

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