Regretting getting puppy(79 Posts)
15 weeks old and I couldn't rehome her but I regret getting her. I finished a work contract and decided to concentrate on my studies, whilst looking after the puppy. The reality is I am with the pup, unless my dh is around, for 24 hours a day and my world consists of my front room, the garden and a walk round the block. I sleep in the lounge with her, her in crate, and cannot leave the house or she howls. My teenage dds have gone from "yes, we'll help with the dog so you can do x, y or z" to disappearing into their rooms and leaving me to it. Final straw was having to cancel a morning's induction for a volunteer job(to do with my studies) and my eldest saying she can't have pup due to her anxiety. It's a disaster. Don't really know point of this post except to say my dh thinks I'm lucky to be at home with it and I should stop moaning. So, I'm moaning here! Soz.
Having a puppy is hard! It's hard, hard work. Lucky they are so cute really. I felt the same as you when we had our first dog; for the first year although I liked him I wasn't emotionally attached, just resentful, although he was well cared for and wouldn't have known.
The whole thing just changed for me. I did an about turn and became totally attached. He's 9 now, I love him dearly, and we have a second dog.
I hope things improve for you. Hang on in there.
Why are you sleeping with the puppy? Give it a ticking clock and a hot water bottle. So what if it howls? Are the neighbours going to complain?
You are making things harder than they should be. But, yes, puppies are hard work, even worse than a Human baby.
You need to sort out the separation anxiety, she's old enough now, but yes, puppies are extremely hard work, I've lost count of the number of posts like this I've read on here
It does get better, but if you put the work in now it will get much better
Also look at dog walker or even doggy daycare one day a week or fortnight as that will give you chance to do things
It does get better. 15 weeks is still very young. I would call the teenagers out though and insist they start walking her and doing some dog-related chores (I have two teenagers at home as well so can fully imagine how it's playing out).
When our current dog was a pup - only 18 months ago - I had similar bad days, particularly because she was almost impossible to housetrain (she's got there now). She was a rescue pup and we think someone in her 'breeder''s house had screamed at her for peeing on the carpet so she developed all kinds of issues round toileting. Which took months to resolve. And she was a winter pup so lots of blasts of freezing air in the house all day whilst I tried to get her to go outside.... It was tough. Very tough. But now she is 2 and just as easy as our last dog. She sleeps for most of the day. She has a settled routine. And she took 7 months to be fully housetrained but now is as good as my other dogs were.
I think you'd get more perspective if you got a good night's sleep in your bed. Sooner you start leaving her at night the better. You might get a couple of nights' broken sleep. But then she WILL settle.
All I can say is that I thought I would have a nervous breakdown when my puppy was that age. No one had told me that puppies wake up in the night! I was zombie-like with tiredness, the puppy was as mad as a hatter, and he was a terrible handful. He was difficult to train, did masses of puppy biting and every evening went completely ape doing "zoomies" for half an hour.
Well, now he's three and he is the absolute love of our lives. From sleeping in a crate, he graduated to beanbag, to landing, and now to down by the side of my bed... (and in it if dh is not here ).
Anyway, I'd say get yourself a Personal Trainer. Worth every darn penny. My dog left dog training classes "by mutual agreement" (expelled!) but a one-to-one taught me so much - especially nice walking on lead. The better your dog is trained, the happier everyone is, including the dog.
Kids, well, that's teenagers for you. I can't say mine do a great deal. And as far as I can see it's always mums traipsing round the neighbourhood on walks, never their dcs. But my dcs do give dog masses of cuddles which in its own way has been good because he's certainly used to people pawing (!) him.
Thanks for responding to my moans. The reason I'm in lounge is a) she's only now starting to go through night without needing toiletting and b) we've done the slow crate training method and she's only had the door shut a week. We don't have a safe space to leave her. The sofa is moving further away, night after night, and I will be back upstairs next week. Well, that's the plan. I can leave her in the lounge while I go into another room for a few minutes, so it's getting better. I think I just feel fed-up and overwhelmed today, and like others I often feel resentment and not the overpowering love the rest of the family feel for her. Mind you I do do the lion's share of the donkey work.
You need to leave the puppy. Honestly it will howl for 1 or 2 nights then it will be fine. Continue leaving the room/house for short periods and she will learn you'll always come back, there really is no need for you to be attached to her. She will get used to it.
This is the hardest stage right now, but it shouldn't be this hard!
Firstly you need to start training the puppy to be settled when you leave it.
Yes they cry when you go but if you keep going back to them when they cry then you are rewarding that behaviour. Start simple and leave the room and when they are quiet return, praise etc and build up the time you leave it. I know some people sleep in the same room as their puppy but it doesn't sound like that is working for you. My puppy sleeps in his crate the other side of the house and I set an alarm to remind me to take him outside for regular pees.
My pup is still young so I can definitely relate to the feeling of regret but it does pass and I love mine to bits as each week he grows and matures into a lovely member of the family.
Stick with it as that feeling will pass but stop making a rod for your own back as I don't agree that you need to be with it 24 hours a day.
I am shocked at how HARD having a puppy is. We read, and read and researched etc but the reality is fucking mental! When awake it is RELENTLESS!! She's chewing, jumping on sofa, biting trousers and needing loo every hour and we have a three storey house! Take her out and she often goes mental and bites lead and my coat, scarf, gloves, people at bus stops, shoes blah blah.
Think I'll save this thread somewhere to show my DH as he's still secretly plotting a newdog after the 12y/old pops her clogs - over my dead body!
Just seen your update. I can understand if your doing all the leg work why you feel overwhelmed.
Really when I need to do something in the house I just pop mine in his crate with a few treats and he is fine and usually he is asleep when I return.
A puppy needs their sleep so make sure you enable that (mine is bitey and manic when overtired so putting him in his crate forces him to recharge his batteries). When he sleeps you can then have a break away from him yourself.
Sounds like you are doing well. It gets easier. Second the advice to find a dog walker or doggy daycare once or twice a week if you can afford it.If you choose someone that also does overnight stays you get the freedom to go away too.
Yeah shotgun I'm with you there. There does seem to be two schools of thought on teaching puppies to be left; the slow method with rewarding of calm behaviour (which we're obviously doing) and the Bandaid method of letting them howl. She is getting there, slowly. I tried to move the sofa well away last night and she barked and howled and only settled when I moved it a foot closer. I moved it, I hasten to add, when she was quiet.
Puppies are hard!! It's worse than having a baby as you can't even take them everywhere with you or carry them in a sling or whack a nappy on them.
I regretted my puppy when he was at that really horrible age but I persevered and he is the most precious thing now. He is 6 and just my pride and joy. Really, of you can stick with it it will be worth it. Could you have a dog sitter come and stay with him whilst you go out?
My dog left dog training classes "by mutual agreement" (expelled!)
That tickled me, the shame
Man I'm never getting a puppy. My colleague found the puppy stage intolerable but now it's all over with she's besotted with him. It does sound as if it's all worth it though. Good luck.
Puppies are mental. But dogs are not. All that bitey manic behavior will be gone in a year. Just be calm and consistent in your training. And get your teenagers to do the evening walk.
I am being very moany because she does go in the crate most mornings for 1-2 hours for a sleep and I read or sleep myself. Or, I come on MN!! I can go upstairs for a bit but the moment she hears the front door "ooooooooooo, oooooooooo, WOOF!!" I feel better already from reading your responses so thank you.
Puppies are bloody hard work at first. Our dogs were both 6-9 mi this when we got them and I found that hard enough! Hang in there.
I would suggest putting her in the crate frequently throughout the day for 10 minute breaks. It will get her more used to it not being a big deal and give you some headspace.
Anyone saying to leave the puppy to cry...DON'T! This could actually create separation issues. OP is doing it the right way to avoid this.
I remember feeling absolutely sick of Eric at about the same age and he slept through the night on his own from the second night so I can imagine how you feel when it's 24/7. Now he's 3 and a delight to have around mostly although the farts are noxious and his delight at being wet, dirty and smelly is a pain at times.
I think you need to get tough though with the teens, dh and the dog let them know if they don't pull their weight then the dog goes back to the breeder. If you are doing all the work whilst they are out it's only fair that they do their share when they are home.
I'd be seriously tempted to go back to bed and put up with the howling for a couple of nights tbh. Eric's breeder separated him for the couple of nights before he came home so she put up with any upset. Dh slept on the sofa the first night because it was new but he was fine so he's slept in his bed or the sofa ever since.
It will get better although it's hard to believe it now but having said that I'd probably never have another puppy if I'm honest it will be rescue dogs all the way now.
Hang in there. I remember nearly crying with tiredness and worry but mine is six months today and it's so much easier.
The family need a kick up the arse though. No wonder they love her. They aren't doing any of the hard work
Puppies are not HARD work they are a bloody NIGHTMARE . Seriously it will get better and then you will look back and wonder how you could have ever doubted getting one.
I also think getting a puppy is like having a baby in that lots of people will have opinions on how you should raise them. My take is research all the different methods and pick which one works for you but don't be afraid to say this way isn't working so I will try a different method. I have done that a few times and can see what works for some would and did not work for mine.
I would also say come and rant on here when it gets tough as fortunately I have several friends with dogs in real life to rant to and it does help especially if your up against it and feeling frazzled.
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