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I want dog, DP doesn't.

(20 Posts)
MrsWooster Fri 30-Dec-16 16:30:03

That is it, really. He isn't a dog lover, I am and the dc (6&3) are fond of the dog we borrow from Borrow My Dog. He agreed, years ago, that kids ought to grow up with animals, including dogs, and we have cats, fish and chickens but he won't get past the "I don't like dogs" stance to even meet an individual. I have pointed out that I am not asking him to join some sort of canine freemasons, just to accept a small addition to the family and be reasonably pleasant to it.
I am a big lurcher / pointy fan but, practically speaking, accept that we need a small dog - I see this as a compromise.... all Most of the current animal care is done by me so, in conclusion, am I being unreasonable to want a dog in a house containing a non-dog lover or is he being an obstinate arse??

BiteyShark Fri 30-Dec-16 16:36:26

I could not have done it without my OH agreeing. Despite me doing 95% of the work because it was me pushing for the dog I did say if he didn't want one then that would have been ok.

Even if you do all the work it still impacts the household from muddy paws and jumping up (which we are trying to train him not to do) to having to be careful not to be out of the house for too long. So I think you would be mad to go ahead if he is dead against having a dog.

FancyPantsDelacroixTheFirst Fri 30-Dec-16 16:42:48

He needs to freely and happily agree. You might become incapacitated and the work might fall to him or your financial situation might change. I sympathise, but YABU.

DorotheaHomeAlone Fri 30-Dec-16 16:52:14

You're being unreasonable. Sounds like the borrow my dog thing is your compromise. I like dogs well enough but would hate to have one in my house even for a short stay. Absolutely not on to force one onto somebody who isn't keen.

SauvignonBlanche Fri 30-Dec-16 16:53:24

You need to be patient.

DH wanted a dog, I really didn't.

It came to a time when the DCs were a bit older and DH was WFH that they finally wore me down. I didn't say yes until I was sure I could cope.

We got an older dog with health isues from a rescue.

DH ended up office-based again and I had a long period off work so everything fell to me.

DD who had been most persuasive didn't lift a finger once the dog arrived but he was great for DS who has AS, getting him out the house on his own lots.

The impact on the house is considerable, the muddy paws, dog hair and as he got older, the occasional accident did affect me but I knew what I was taking on when I said yes and have no regrets. I miss him. sad

I may have resented DH is he'd tried to coerce me into it, he waited 10 years, but he was worth the wait.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Fri 30-Dec-16 16:57:54

Yes you are being unreasonable.

You cannot get a dog.

I sucked my teeth when I read the middle section of your post because I thought you sounded like a bit of a selfish cow (sorry). The only bits that were relevant were He isn't a dog lover, I am ... am I being unreasonable to want a dog in a house containing a non-dog lover

You want a dog, you know that he doesn't like dogs. He believes that pets are good, you have cats, fish and chickens. Your idea of compromise is getting a small dog. WTF? It is still a dog. No, Borrow My Dog is the compromise. He has already compromised.

Your DH sounds like a keeper. Shut the fuck up about the dog. He doesn't like dogs. Accept it.

Costacoffeeplease Fri 30-Dec-16 17:03:08

Of course yabu, everyone has to be fully on board with getting any animal

Branleuse Fri 30-Dec-16 17:07:13

a small dog isnt a compromise. Its still a dog

Rhubardandcustard Fri 30-Dec-16 17:11:04

You could however leave husband and then get a dog.

When my ex left I got a dog, much better companion then he was.wink

GeorgeTheThird Fri 30-Dec-16 17:14:18

Why hasn't the borrowed dog converted your DH?

And if it hasn't, why would your own dog succeed where one that has novelty value and involves much less hard work has failed?

MrsWooster Fri 30-Dec-16 17:14:22

Hmm, consensus. Bugger.
Slightly unnecessary response from you, rabbit; I asked a question for some perspective and stfu is way over the top - get out of bed the wrong side..? Also, he hasn't compromised; he is a great animal lover and revels in the ones we have and the Borrow dog is something the kids and I do without him.

Stormwhale Fri 30-Dec-16 17:15:14

I completely agree that you are already at the compromise. You borrow a dog, so you get to experience caring for a dog and your dh gets time without one too. That is the compromise. Getting a small dog is not a compromise, that is you getting your way, despite the fact that your dh doesn't want a dog.

MsGameandWatch Fri 30-Dec-16 17:17:04

"Shut the fuck up about getting a dog"

How unnecessarily rude and aggressive.

OP, you won't be able to have one, sad as it is. I've seen couples where one says they'll do all the care etc so they get the dog. It doesn't ever work out like that. There invariably needs to be flexibility by all members of the family to support having a dog and in my experience the one who didn't want one will dig their heels in not to be affected and absolutely will not, ever help out at all because after all they never wanted a dog anyway. This leads to huge resentment on both sides and causes no end or arguments.

It's sad, I feel for you as I couldn't imagine my life without my dog in it.

BahHumbuggle Fri 30-Dec-16 17:18:08

LTB! I would

SerialReJoiner Fri 30-Dec-16 17:43:04

Despite dh wanting a dog for years, (and me not!) we have now changed sides and are still at an impasse. We have 2 cats and dh feels that's enough. I still talk to him about dog rescues and what might suit our family, but only in vague terms.

Having a dog would have an impact on our finances, our ability to go away, general house cleanliness and tidiness, time spent on walks and training, etc etc. It needs to be both of us willing to take all that on!

Maybe he will be on board in a few years, but maybe not. I couldn't force the issue, though.

Wolfiefan Fri 30-Dec-16 17:49:03

I wanted a dog for bloody years. DH isn't a dog lover at all.
We now have a dog. She's primarily "my" pet. He's sort of secretly a bit in love! It took years for him to come round and we visited shows etc as a family.
Can your DH go with you on your borrow my doggy walks?
What's his objection?

Floralnomad Fri 30-Dec-16 18:38:51

I always wanted a dog , DH didn't agree until our DD eventually pestered him into it when she was 11 ( she had some health issues and was having a rough time ) , he agreed on Wednesday and we got our puppy (15/16 weeks old) from Battersea the following Sunday , he was worth the wait and 6 years on DH is very much in love with the dog . Keep pestering , he may come round .

Blackfellpony Fri 30-Dec-16 18:44:32

We have dogs my DH didn't want and it's been hard at times, especially when things have got tough and he just gives me the you wanted them look.

He is nice to them though but he wouldn't be as upset if they died as I would be. I do 90% of the work/walking.

I couldn't have lived without a dog and just sort of got one but it's not the advice I would give blush

MrsWooster Fri 30-Dec-16 21:23:03

Thanks, hive mind. A very useful set of uninvolved perpectives i hate you all!
In true mn tradition, I have shown him the thread so he feels somewnat comforted, even though we both know the nagging won't stop...

Starlight2345 Fri 30-Dec-16 22:01:43

lol op I bet he is pleased to hear nagging won't start....I would not like a dog in the house..

I do however love a poster who listens to the response and even shows DH when it is not the response you are looking for..

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