Im pregnant & want to rehome our dog - DP won't hear of it(99 Posts)
We got the dog, a Labrador, as an 8 week old puppy after I had a miscarriage just before last Christmas - I think I just wanted something to replace what I had lost & because of my age (I'm 41) I thought it would be difficult to conceive again so getting a puppy seemed a good idea. I did lots of research and we got the puppy on 11 May. I found out I was pregnant again a few weeks later!
Having a puppy is so much harder than I ever, ever imagined. I work from home so am on my own with him from when my DP leaves the house at 7am until he gets home at the earliest 7.30pm - normally later due to his work.
I am absolutely miserable with it. He chews everything - barks, pulls on his lead, despite trying to train him and putting time into him. The house is a tip with dog hair everywhere which I absolutely hate. I'd never had a dog before and really, really regret getting him. I struggle to work effectively as I'm constantly jumping up to stop the dog doing something he shouldn't be doing!
I also have 2 DC age 11 & 14 and I just feel overwhelmed with trying to look after the dog while looking after the DC, working 4.5 days a week and running a home.
The thought of having to look after the dog whilst on maternity leave & with a newborn baby fills with with dread. I just don't want to do it and feel that rehoming the dog now is for the best. The problem is my DP won't hear of it. He adores the dog.....but then I suppose I would if I only saw him for 2 hrs max a day when he's calmed down and will fall asleep on the sofa.
I just don't know what to do. The thought of keeping the dog depresses me, and after having PND after having my daughter I'm terrified I'll get it again......more because of the stress of the dog than anything else.
DP just keeps saying the dog will get easier but the more I read about Labs, the less I think that is true.
What can I do? I'm absolutely at my wits end
Did you crate train him? Having his safe space that you can put him in to chill out and relax in does wonders.
Rehome the dog. You admit you got him on impulse and for the wrong reasons. He is still young and deserves a home where he is loved by his owners.
Find him a home where everyone wants him. You won't be the first person to get rid of their dog when they got pregnant.
I hope your new baby doesn't cause you too much inconvenience or it might get turfed out too.
This is difficult. Ideally dog should be in a home that everybody wants and loves him, so from that angle it makes sense to regime, especially as you're responsible for the bulk of dog tasks.
That said, dog isn't a cute puppy anymore and doesn't sound very well trained, so it'll be a hard sell to get someone to choose your older, untrained dog over a cute puppy who is a fresh slate, and may well be easier to train. Rehoming probably won't be a walk in the park. If you got the dog from a decent breeder, they'll probably take the dog back. You'll probably find a rescue will take the dog in, too, which would be less hassle than trying to rehome privately and avoid unscrupulous types. But for the dog, it's a harsh turn of events.
Could DP take over more dog responsibilities? Take time off to train dog or pay for a dog training camp?
Could you pay to have someone come and walk in for you during the day? Or pay for proper training?
Labradors are hard work, it's really not the dog to get if you're very busy. I'm surprised you didn't find that out through your research.
Where do you live, I'll have him!
Thanks for all the advice - I'm just exhausted with it all and its making
midnitescribbler - your comment is unhelpful and uncalled for. I presume you've never made a mistake in your life?
Yes of course midnitescribber, because a pet dog and a baby are exactly the same
Can you not pay for a walker/trainer now? A better trained dog can be good maternity leave company and help you and the baby get out the house and into fresh air.
Its a big mistake to make though. I agree Midnight. Thankfully Labradors are fairly easy to rehome. Hope he gets the permanent home he deserves next time, so please be responsible when you rehome him.
Rehome the dog but do not give him away, people will still pay approx 500-650 for him. If you give him away someone may take him on a whim. Also if they can't afford to pay they can't afford to look after him.
Midnite your comment was just awful the op has lost a baby to miscarriage.
Unless your DH is going to take on more dog duties, I can't see the situation changing. And when you're on mat leave and are focused solely on your new baby, things are only going to get worse. You already resent the dog.
Ignore your DH and rehome the dog. Rescue centres are full of cats and dogs that have been given up because of a new baby in the family. It's nothing they haven't seen before.
It pisses me off to no end that people get puppies, realise that they actually have needs, and then ship them off to a shelter or new home.
Find a new home for him, or send him to a no-kill shelter. The dog deserves someone who is willing to put in the effort to look after him without resenting him for it. Fortunately, as a PP said, labradors find homes quicker than a lot of other breeds.
Or get your dh to pull his socks up and take responsibility too. We have a lab and his puppyhood was horiffic. He was a huge amount of work for 2 adults.
I don't think midnites comment is uncalled for. You wanted an emotional crutch at a sad time. You got one. The crutch is now displaying normal adolescent puppy behaviour, meanwhile you've fallen pregnant, no longer need the crutch so rather than invest time training the dog you're dropping it.
Shame for the dog but likely for the best.
I'm so sorry OP. It's an awful decision to have to make but I think you should have him regimes. Your feelings of resentment towards him are not good for him. He deserves a home where he is wanted.
I have to say this is why I think there should be far more regulation and official involvement of the sale of animals. You should have to apply to be a pet owner and go through a proper vetting process that includes at least a 6 month wait period resulting in a license that allows you to own one. Getting a dog as a result of a miscarriage is a big red flashing alarm tbh and in my ideal world if I was assessing this I would have refused permission to own a dog so soon after the miscarriage. Sorry but it's not fair on the animals. Look at what's happening now with your dog.
I think if your DH is going to remain dead set against re-homing the dog, he's going to have to step up to the plate and actually do something to help out.
What about your 11 and 14yr olds? How do they feel about the dog going, and would they do more to help?
Personally I think it would better to rehome than to keep the dog in a bad situation. Breeders will usually take the dog back if they are reputable. Have you contacted the breeder?
I agree with midnite.
Whilst I understand you were upset when you bought the puppy and it filled a hole/absence. I do think that you were wrong to buy a puppy; especially a Labrador which are notorious for being boisterous when there was a chance you would later try/fall pregnant.
Yes the puppy is hard work but so is a baby - and there is no way to rehome a baby when it's chewing everything/making a mess/distracting you from running a home etc etc.
I think you were wrong to a) get the puppy b) not rehome it when you found out you were pregnant c) to not train it effectively - making it harder to rehome.
I think you should rehome it too. You made a mistake, remember you were grieving, so stop being so hard on yourself, but now just get on with getting the dog a nice family. Stop expecting you dh to be OK with it, rehome the dog, cry and move on.
We have been crate training him shoeeating and it works to an extent. he is a lovely dog and despite what I've said I do love him which is why I'm so torn and upset by the whole situation. To those saying I should've been more responsible / thought about it more etc - perhaps I should however I am admitting that I made a huge mistake. I'm a responsible person, i run my own business, have a lot of responsibility in my life and honestly thought we could handle a dog. I never, ever intended to get a dog just to get rid of it. I wouldn't just dump him - I've already thought about possible homes for him - my sister in laws parents 12 year old Labrador died last year and they've been considering getting another. Also; a friend of DP has an old dog and have been considering getting a puppy. I am obviously really struggling with this decision and am terribly upset at the thought of rehoming the dog so unhelpful comments are very cruel and unnecessary.
I presume you've never made a mistake in your life?
Not when it comes to a living breathing creature with needs. So no, I haven't decided to just get rid of my pets when they were challenging. I chose to bring them here, and it's my responsibility to care for them, not ship them off when they are an inconvenience.
"unhelpful comments are very cruel and unnecessary"
So is welcoming a puppy into your family and then giving it the boot when it acts like a puppy
My BIL got a puppy collie on a whim off the internet. Him and SIL had two tiny children and both worked full time. I don't know what they thinking. It was a disaster.
I told BIL to rehome it. At first he refused. However after another 6 months he did. By chance he'd found a farmer who wanted a young collie to work on the farm. The dog literally ran around the farm about 20 times the morning he took her. They kept in touch and the dog is so happy now. I'm so glad BIL gave her up.
BIL then got two more dogs but that's a whole other thread!
I do sympathise OP. I work from home with a 16 month old Border Terrier. He takes up my whole morning with a good walk (but I don't have a baby to deal with). However he's well trained and calm for most of the day. I honestly couldn't part with him. I've heard the first 2 years of having a Lab are the worst. Could you see a way to push through it with outside help?
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