I've NC for this because I'm ashamed of myself.
We took on a rescue dog about six months ago. No real history on him, very worried and nervous soul. We were fine with that, we thought that he'd come out of his shell and be a gentle bugger. Rescue mentioned he was 'worried' by other dogs but not overly so.
He has come out of his shell in some ways - he adores me. But only really me - he's happy to see DP but pretty apathetic. Everyone else he ignores. Fine, he's not that outgoing but he's relaxed.
But he is awful to other dogs. Absolutely vile. He would bite them if he could. He's badly socialised, nervous and also a bit of a bully. All the dreams I had of walking a dog and nipping to the pub, making friends with dogs (pretty isolated socially here myself!) have gone up in smoke. We manage his behaviour out and about, but there's no joy in it.
He's not the dog I wanted. I take him to a rescue centre farm and he walks with the dogs that are waiting for homes. He's generally horrid to them, but calms down once he knows them. Off-lead he goes far too far in his play and it descends into aggression. However, he is making progress. But every time we go there, my heart breaks because the dogs he plays with are so gorgeous and friendly and he's this aggressive stand-offish little git!
That said I love him. He's a dream in the house, can be left, house trained, lazy. He's part of my life. But the idea of the next eight years or so being just managing his behaviour makes my blood run cold. It's so stressful.
I want another dog. The rescue thinks that when he's ready, a steady buddy dog will do him good. But I think part of my selfish drive is that I just want the dog for me. And that's so horrible of me.
I don't know what to do. I don't know if I could face rehoming him. He'd be so hard to rehome and he loves me so much. But he's just not what I wanted. And that is what makes me so ashamed, because this should be about him.
Someone give me a kick up the arse and tell me what to do. :(
If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.
The doghouse
I don't know what to do
RescueDogWoes · 09/07/2016 15:08
I saw a very useful post on FB recently, which stated about reactive dogs - "They are not giving you a hard time, they are having a hard time" and it's always worth remembering that.
Right - kick up the backside coming. Don't let your dog offlead where there are other dogs and he goes too far, and consider muzzling him while out too. Invest in some visible from space tabard for you and coat, yellow lead, bandana etc for him saying in 9ft high letters - Rescue Dog - Give us space. This will ensure other dog walkers at least know you are trying to deal with issues responsibly and will hopefully give you room.
Join the FB group for Secure Dog Walking Fields and make sure you use a secure offlead area regularly for your sanity as much as your dog's. It's very stressful for you as an owner when yr dog is reactive so a nice peaceful zoom in a secure paddock is lovely a couple of times a week.
Options for change - and yes they can work. Get in touch with ABPC member and talk to a behaviourist about helping your dog. Basically, it's about helping build confidence around other dogs and respecting choices.
We've had wonderful results with a technique called BAT developed by Grisha Stewart. There's a website, books etc.. worth reading and learning about. I would also have your dog checked again by a vet to ensure there is no physical issue affecting his reactivity e.g. undiagnosed arthritis or pain, failing eyesight etc.
And finally to cheer you up post-kicking, let me tell you about Mick, a very special boy who came to us as an emergency long term foster who we ended up keeping. Like many reactive dogs (including yours) he was utterly devoted to us but deeply reactive when out and about. We worked with our trainer using BAT (our trainer said our job was to be BAT ninjas) and I must admit I was a bit sceptical to begin with. We worked very hard and gradually we began to see changes and improvements. We went from a dog who would kick off loudly whenever a dog came near to eventually getting to the stage where we could walk him on lead calmly past virtually all other dogs and if you didn't know, you would never think he was anything other than an impeccably behaved elderly gent. My proudest moment came when we took him to a small local dog show (something unimaginable when he first arrived) and he behaved perfectly, walking calmly through people and dogs, relaxed and contented. He actually won a rosette that day in the Best Veteran class and ironically the judge complimented us on his beautiful behaviour. We lost him at the end of 2014, and he actually spent his last day at a charity event having fun with our other dogs and lots of other dogs playing on a sports field with much enthusiasm (I have a lump in my throat as I remember how happy he was that last day).
There IS hope for reactive dogs - you will have to put a great deal of work in and progress won't happen overnight but remember Mick. 
And the other spin off is that the work you do together will strengthen the bond between you in so many ways - you will become expert in reading your dog and understanding exactly when they are stressed. This will have enormous benefits both for your relationship and for any other dog you have in future. You will achieve a closeness that ironically easier dogs just don't match.
Sorry, I'm not even saying thank you! Thank you all, I really appreciate all of your advice. You're fantastic 
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