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DH's friend hit our dog - am I over-reacting?

(63 Posts)
DiamondInTheRuff Sat 02-Jul-16 07:44:07

Because right now (the morning after the event) I'm still fuming.

We adopted a lab just under 3 months ago. He was estimated to be 9 months old, so is now a year. From straying, he was taken to a kill pound, rescued from there and put in foster, then adopted, then a few months later they gave him back, now he's with us. So probably four homes (at least) in the first year of his life.

First adopter told us that he was a lovely dog - dodgy recall and "a bit possessive of the sofa" but otherwise no issues.

We got him home and it was obvious he didn't want our girl dog on the sofa - he growled at her if he was on it and she went near. However with less than two days of me giving him treats whenever she went near the sofa he stopped and never did it again. They cuddle up on the sofa together now.

However it became pretty clear that DDog has some pretty severe fear-aggression when on lead and / or in enclosed spaces with other dogs. We took him to training classes but he couldn't cope in the environment so we're doing some one-to-ones and working on that in the hope of taking him back when he's more confident. The key point here is fear-aggression when crowded by other dogs.

Last night friend came over. He has 5 dogs. His dogs are not supposed to come in our house due to a mixture of issues from dog aggression and human aggression through to not being properly toilet trained. Yesterday DH had arranged to meet friend for a dog walk (they do once or twice a week). Friend came back to ours after. He usually either takes his dogs home or leaves them crated in his van (doors open but crates secure). Last night he brought the dogs into the garden instead. After a while he brought one of his dogs in (small dog he was worried would escape from our garden). This dog is human -aggressive but as our DS was in bed by then, with three stairgates and a door between him and us we said it was OK.

Friend and DH were sitting at either end of our sofa, with our pup dog sprawled across them, head on Friend's lap. I couldn't say if he was awake or asleep, but knowing him almost certainly would have been dozing. Friend's dog tried to jump on his lap, landing squarely on our dog's head. Our dog growled and snapped (Didn't make contact) - probably because (a) he was surprised and (b) the whole fear-anxiety thing. Friend immediately hit my dog hard on the shoulder, then pushed him off the sofa (violently enough that pup-dog landed on his back on the floor). He then swore at our dog. I was stunned but pulled myself together and told him he was not to hit our dog. He apologised, but TBH I think only because he realised I was annoyed, not because he was actually sorry.

The atmosphere was certainly awkward after that. Eventually friend put his dogs back in his van. By this point the dogs outside had dug up a lot of my garden, friend laughed but apologised again.

I don't want friend or his dogs in my house again. DH is pretty much not talking to me after then incident (and slept on the sofa last night) so I'm assuming has sided with his friend. Am I over-reacting? I've been working really hard with Pup Dog to try and overcome some of his issues and we've been making progress (using positive reinforcement) and if this sets him back I'll be livid. Pup Dog has been unsually clingy since last night. He usually sleeps with DH but came up with me last night. How would others tackle this?

And any advice if this HAS set DDog back?

DiamondInTheRuff Sat 02-Jul-16 07:44:24

Crikey that was long! Sorry.

LadyStarkOfWinterfell Sat 02-Jul-16 07:48:37

Too many dogs
The friend shouldn't have brought his dog into the house and obviously he shouldn't have hit your dog. But when you have several aggressive dogs in one place you should expect issues. Why is your dh not talking to you?

Horehound Sat 02-Jul-16 07:48:40

It probably hasn't set the dog back but I would be fucking raging and his dogs dug up the garden!! OMG. I'd be telling your dh to get that sorted today and to tell his pal never to hit your dog again (to reiterate you're still not happy)

TheoriginalLEM Sat 02-Jul-16 07:52:45

if a dog was on my lap and snapped i would reflexively push it away. i certainly wouldn't hit it. Your friend over stepped the mark and i would have said something too.

It sounds like you have bigger issues with your dh, he slept on the sofa? what aman child

DiamondInTheRuff Sat 02-Jul-16 07:56:02

Lady if there is ever anything that DH disagrees with me on he simply refuses to speak at all until it's blown over. It's a huge issue. I would usually have tackled it with him sooner but we buried his mum this week so I'm not pushing things. There's a WHOLE other thread there. The multiple aggression issues are exactly why the dogs shouldn't be at our house. This was agreed some time ago and DH and his friend reluctantly agreed, bit thought I was over reacting. Clearly my point has been proven.

I've not looked properly around the garden yet as I am highly likely to cry!

Too many dogs is right. They are planning on getting another. They've selected a breed based purely on its colour. hmm

AnotherEmma Sat 02-Jul-16 08:00:15

YANBU AT ALL. I would not want this friend or his dogs in my house again. However your problem is DH not being on the same page.

Did you know that the silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse?

DiamondInTheRuff Sat 02-Jul-16 08:03:27

Lem yes huge issues. The time is not right to sort them but I will. I would also have pushed the dogs away, no denying that!

DiamondInTheRuff Sat 02-Jul-16 08:14:23

Emma thank you. It's the good old MN "you don't have a friend problem, you have a DH problem". I'm getting advice under another nn, things will be dealt with.

Good to know I'm not just being over protective. I'm the first person to admit my dogs are my babies! Even though I have real babies...

neonrainbow Sat 02-Jul-16 08:18:16

Your poor dog. He was just behaving exactly as you might expect a dog to act if another one jumped on his head.

AddictedtoGreys Sat 02-Jul-16 08:20:11

I would be fuming if someone else hit my dog. I would expect some sort of reaction for him snapping such as pushing him away, but hitting him absolutely not. angry

NeedACleverNN Sat 02-Jul-16 08:26:31

Well if you knew the dog had problems with other dogs you should have immediately told him he couldn't bring his little dog in. If he was worried she was going to escape she should have gone in her crate or the friend should have gone home.

You slipped up slightly there. However he should not have hit your dog. Though maybe he did it out of reflex. A dog snapping at a much smaller dog can cause your instincts to go a bit off.

Either way it's all gone a bit pear shaped hasn't it? Your dh does need to man the fuck up though

DiamondInTheRuff Sat 02-Jul-16 08:34:50

Need I know. When DH and his friend gang up on me I'm useless at standing my ground. I should have insisted we stick to our normal rules. It won't happen again.

NeedACleverNN Sat 02-Jul-16 08:40:46

Your dh shouldn't have insisted if he knew your dog had a problem with other dogs. Seriously what a dick.

Wyldfyre Sat 02-Jul-16 08:55:52

Diamond the fact the your DH's friend thinks this is an appropriate way to treat a dog is probably the reason every single one of his has issues.
I don't blame your dog for snapping. If a human was half asleep and someone jumped on them they'd likely lash out, so why are dogs expected to be different?

Flacidunicorn Sat 02-Jul-16 09:01:14

Yanbu at all, I'd have kicked him squarely up the arse and told him an DH that he is no longer welcome on our house.

His dog have aggressive issues? Probably because he's aggressive to them. If he's willing and ready to hit someone else dog, imagine what he does to hi own.

woodenmouse Sat 02-Jul-16 09:01:38

If be absolutly fuming. He had no right to hit it push your dog. And then to laugh at his dogs ruining your garden. Id never want to see him again.
Why is your dh mad at you?

DiamondInTheRuff Sat 02-Jul-16 09:08:09

Flacid I was tempted but at 7 months pregnant I can't even see my feet, let alone balance well enough to kick someone!

Wooden not sure why he's mad really. It might be because he feels guilty for not sticking up for me / the dog. It might be because I spoke out against his friend. He will probably act like nothing's happened when he gets home from work.

LadyStarkOfWinterfell Sat 02-Jul-16 10:04:29

7 months pregnant with an emotionally abusive husband. Your problem isn't the dogs flowers

DiamondInTheRuff Sat 02-Jul-16 10:14:21

Lady I do have plans. It will take a little time, that's all.

SomeDaysIDontGiveAMonkeys Tue 05-Jul-16 04:01:19

How dare he. He has no right to hit your dog and is very disrespectful to think that's it's funny his dogs dug up your garden.

SomeDaysIDontGiveAMonkeys Tue 05-Jul-16 04:01:47

How dare he. He has no right to hit your dog and is very disrespectful to think that's it's funny his dogs dug up your garden.

LadyStarkOfWinterfell Tue 05-Jul-16 06:05:55

flowers it sounds shit

Fluffycloudland77 Tue 05-Jul-16 06:46:01

I'd go fucking mental, you don't hit animals.

paddlenorapaddle Tue 05-Jul-16 07:19:19

Holy Moley first things first out of order for hitting your dog

It's not really safe to have all these dogs in your house with aggression issues, your new dog has had 4 homes there will be a reason for that poor dog must be unsettled.
Theres a brilliant book called Talk Dog you really should read it before you bring a newborn into the situation

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