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Considering rehoming my beloved girl. please don't flame me :(

31 replies

whippetlove · 20/04/2016 23:14

We have a 19 months old whippet we have had since a pup.
She has been brilliant and I love her very much. She is currently cuddled up to my legs on the bed and a total delight in the house. She is a bundle of energy out of the house but she fit our family so well. Even when we lost our home and were forced to move into a tiny flat she has been no problem (she gets regular walks)

My problem is not with her at all.

My problem is dd who has aspergers amongst other thing has become very agressive over the last six months. She is absolutely exploding, lashing out and throwing things, screaming and banging around the house. While she has not intentionally physically gone for the dog she has caught her with things thrown at me and screamed at her. I am disciplining dd and we are waiting to see camhs and attempting to keep them separate but I am in a tiny flat with an aggressive teenager who is bigger and stronger than me and going beserk.
I love our dog, I would be absolutely heartbroken if I were to lose her but she is started to be scared when dd explodes, even if it is just verbally and it isn't fair on her. I am also worried that dd may unintentionally hurt her.

I don't know what the hell to do 😢

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RandomMess · 20/04/2016 23:17

Sad

It sounds like it would be best for ddog Sad

Our ddog is fearful due to an abusive start in life and I wouldn't wish that another dog if it could be avoided.

I really feel for you. Does your DD stay out of your bedroom so ddog can stay in there - lets face it apart from eating they spend nearly all their non-walking time fast asleep!

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ArcheryAnnie · 20/04/2016 23:19

This sounds so difficult, whippetlove. I think it is a really responsible and kind thing you are considering - to send away your beloved dog, even though you clearly don't want to, for the dog's own good.

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whippetlove · 20/04/2016 23:24

That is what I am trying to do at the moment Random although when she goes into meltdown dd is ripping around the house. Landlord won't allow us to fit a key lock on internal doors and i cannot lock me and dog in the bedroom with a slide lock (as much as i would like to because I am fed up of being lashed out at too Sad ) because she isn't safe to be unsupervised in meltdown.

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MyKingdomForBrie · 20/04/2016 23:26

Is there anyone who could care for her while you sort dd? Could she be fostered? That way you wouldn't lose her..

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Lancelottie · 20/04/2016 23:28

Can you crate her for safety (the dog, I mean, though autistic DS could have done with a nice small 'crate' to feel safe at times)?

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whippetlove · 20/04/2016 23:37

I have considered a crate. We had one when dog was tiny before she discovered sofas but I am scared dd might knock/fall on the crate while she is ripping hell around the house or if dog would be more frightened if she felt trapped and couldn't get away from the
chaos herself.

My parents have been taking her but their own dog is elderly and doesn't approve of dear whippet jumping on its head and gets quite stressed by her.

I have been putting her in day care as much as I can afford.

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georgedawes · 21/04/2016 07:42

I think you're doing the right thing. Your dog sounds lovely and has a chance to find a good home at this age. I wouldn't leave it until she becomes fearful as this will make it much harder to rehabilitate her. You sound like a lovely owner.

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ChubbyPolecat · 21/04/2016 07:53

Do you think you could find someone willing to look after her for a few months? Then you could see how things go with your dd and potentially not lose your dog forever

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Arfarfanarf · 21/04/2016 07:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

neonrainbow · 21/04/2016 08:05

Could you find a foster carer for a few months to see how dc goes? If it's then still not possible to have the dog then rehome then? If help for dc is on the horizon then you may regret rehoming the dog.

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Kelandry · 21/04/2016 08:15

Would your dd calm down if she knew the family pet was going to be rehomed? Might be a wake up call to her behaviour? Xx

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DreamingofItaly · 21/04/2016 08:19

I think you should try to find foster care for your whippet. Saying that, I've got puppies at the same time as having older dogs and while it can take time, they adjust to each other so your parents could be an option if they are willing.

I understand your pain and you are being very responsible here, but do you think you may resent your DD if you have to rehome your Ddog? Do you think your daughter might resent you if you rehome Ddog?

You sound hopeful that this is temporary and there are a lot of people out there who will foster, you could talk to a couple of charities, whippet specific ones perhaps?

Good luck OP Thanks

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Arfarfanarf · 21/04/2016 08:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Salene · 21/04/2016 08:29

Oh how heart breaking for you but totally understandable , why don't you try a local whippet charity, they may be able to help you rehome and that way they always own the dog and keep a eye on it.

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georgedawes · 21/04/2016 08:35

Would the breeder take the dog back?

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CMOTDibbler · 21/04/2016 08:38

It does sound as you are trying desperatly in really tough circumstances to do the best for ddog and your dd - but rehoming ddog does seem like the best thing to do in the circumstances.

Whippets get rehomed very easily, so contact one of the specialist sighthound charities - EGLR are one that my dogs came through and I know they often rehome dogs from loving homes who just can't keep them anymore.

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MumsKnitter · 21/04/2016 08:45

I disagree, Arfarfanarf. I too have Aspergers as do my daughters. We do still have choices over our behaviour. I'm very hopeful that some good will come of OP's daughter's referral to CAHMS. My daughters were both helped greatly to see that they did have choices about they reacted to situations, and were helped to make better ones. A wake up call may be possible. The OP knows her daughter best.

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MaynJune · 21/04/2016 09:06

I feel for you, OP. You are having an extremely difficult time.

You would be doing the dog a great kindness in rehoming her. Whippets are very sensitive to atmospheres like this.

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Arfarfanarf · 21/04/2016 09:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whippetlove · 21/04/2016 09:27

Fostering is an option but I don't know how long it would be for and worry about my girl being shifted to a foster home, getting settled with them and then if things haven't improved at home being shifted again to another house. I don't want that for her Sad

I have talked in an appropriate way to dd about her behaviour and the fact if she keeps being scaring the dog she is going to make her frightened and nervous and the dog won't want to play with her. She is already pulling away if dd goes near her. Sad She gets very angry about this and threatens/physically attacks me.

She has always has meltdowns but the pure anger aggression towards me is relatively new Sad

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whippetlove · 21/04/2016 09:28

Sorry missed your question. The breeder is no longer in the UK so that's not an option.

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Arfarfanarf · 21/04/2016 09:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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BernardlookImaprostituterobotf · 21/04/2016 09:47

I'm so sorry this sounds so hard for you all.

I have no better advice than has already been said but wonder if www.lifelock.co.uk/images-and-videos/this or something like it, even used with a padlock, might help. Locked door, no unhappy landlord.

Possibly one of these places might be able to help if you speak to them, although sadly it looks like their remits are very narrow fostering
I wish you all the very best, CAMHS can be a difficult journey but it's so clear how much you love them both, whatever you decide will be the right thing. Heartbreaking for you but no reason for guilt.

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BernardlookImaprostituterobotf · 21/04/2016 09:48

Ffs, crapped up the lock link, there should be no 'this' on the end of the URL it meant to hot link it.

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Greyhorses · 21/04/2016 10:46

I'm sorry your in this situation but I do think the best thing for the dog is to be rehomed Sad

Both of mine are fear aggressive from bad experiences, one of which was hit and kicked by a child with autism. He is still petrified of noise and shouting now 6 years later. The more the dog is exposed to this the more miserable the dog is likley to be and I would be looking to rehome her asap before any more damage is done.
In the meantime I would crate her somewhere quiet so she is safe and not allow any further contact.

Whippets usually rehome really easily so I would consult a good rescue asap.

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