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Considering rehoming my beloved girl. please don't flame me :(

(32 Posts)
whippetlove Wed 20-Apr-16 23:14:16

We have a 19 months old whippet we have had since a pup.
She has been brilliant and I love her very much. She is currently cuddled up to my legs on the bed and a total delight in the house. She is a bundle of energy out of the house but she fit our family so well. Even when we lost our home and were forced to move into a tiny flat she has been no problem (she gets regular walks)

My problem is not with her at all.

My problem is dd who has aspergers amongst other thing has become very agressive over the last six months. She is absolutely exploding, lashing out and throwing things, screaming and banging around the house. While she has not intentionally physically gone for the dog she has caught her with things thrown at me and screamed at her. I am disciplining dd and we are waiting to see camhs and attempting to keep them separate but I am in a tiny flat with an aggressive teenager who is bigger and stronger than me and going beserk.
I love our dog, I would be absolutely heartbroken if I were to lose her but she is started to be scared when dd explodes, even if it is just verbally and it isn't fair on her. I am also worried that dd may unintentionally hurt her.

I don't know what the hell to do 😢

RandomMess Wed 20-Apr-16 23:17:38

sad

It sounds like it would be best for ddog sad

Our ddog is fearful due to an abusive start in life and I wouldn't wish that another dog if it could be avoided.

I really feel for you. Does your DD stay out of your bedroom so ddog can stay in there - lets face it apart from eating they spend nearly all their non-walking time fast asleep!

ArcheryAnnie Wed 20-Apr-16 23:19:36

This sounds so difficult, whippetlove. I think it is a really responsible and kind thing you are considering - to send away your beloved dog, even though you clearly don't want to, for the dog's own good.

whippetlove Wed 20-Apr-16 23:24:37

That is what I am trying to do at the moment Random although when she goes into meltdown dd is ripping around the house. Landlord won't allow us to fit a key lock on internal doors and i cannot lock me and dog in the bedroom with a slide lock (as much as i would like to because I am fed up of being lashed out at too sad ) because she isn't safe to be unsupervised in meltdown.

MyKingdomForBrie Wed 20-Apr-16 23:26:46

Is there anyone who could care for her while you sort dd? Could she be fostered? That way you wouldn't lose her..

Lancelottie Wed 20-Apr-16 23:28:44

Can you crate her for safety (the dog, I mean, though autistic DS could have done with a nice small 'crate' to feel safe at times)?

whippetlove Wed 20-Apr-16 23:37:29

I have considered a crate. We had one when dog was tiny before she discovered sofas but I am scared dd might knock/fall on the crate while she is ripping hell around the house or if dog would be more frightened if she felt trapped and couldn't get away from the
chaos herself.

My parents have been taking her but their own dog is elderly and doesn't approve of dear whippet jumping on its head and gets quite stressed by her.

I have been putting her in day care as much as I can afford.

georgedawes Thu 21-Apr-16 07:42:00

I think you're doing the right thing. Your dog sounds lovely and has a chance to find a good home at this age. I wouldn't leave it until she becomes fearful as this will make it much harder to rehabilitate her. You sound like a lovely owner.

ChubbyPolecat Thu 21-Apr-16 07:53:27

Do you think you could find someone willing to look after her for a few months? Then you could see how things go with your dd and potentially not lose your dog forever

Arfarfanarf Thu 21-Apr-16 07:56:23

I think that under the circumstances, finding a new and just as loving home for your dog is the kindest thing you can do for her. You can't keep her in an environment that, through no fault of yours or your daughter's, is frightening her. That's no life for her. thanks I hope that you can find a great home for her.

neonrainbow Thu 21-Apr-16 08:05:09

Could you find a foster carer for a few months to see how dc goes? If it's then still not possible to have the dog then rehome then? If help for dc is on the horizon then you may regret rehoming the dog.

Kelandry Thu 21-Apr-16 08:15:47

Would your dd calm down if she knew the family pet was going to be rehomed? Might be a wake up call to her behaviour? Xx

DreamingofItaly Thu 21-Apr-16 08:19:34

I think you should try to find foster care for your whippet. Saying that, I've got puppies at the same time as having older dogs and while it can take time, they adjust to each other so your parents could be an option if they are willing.

I understand your pain and you are being very responsible here, but do you think you may resent your DD if you have to rehome your Ddog? Do you think your daughter might resent you if you rehome Ddog?

You sound hopeful that this is temporary and there are a lot of people out there who will foster, you could talk to a couple of charities, whippet specific ones perhaps?

Good luck OP thanks

Arfarfanarf Thu 21-Apr-16 08:23:46

aspergers isn't a choice, kelandry. There is no 'wake up call'. That implies the op's daughter is choosing her behaviour. When someone has aspergers the behaviours that they display which are as a result of that disability are not a choice. She doesn't choose to melt down. If she stims, that isn't a choice. If she has echolalia, that isn't a choice. It's not like a person with autism is going to say oh, I'm going to lose my dog? Whoops. Best stop having the autism then. ta for the wake up call.

Salene Thu 21-Apr-16 08:29:29

Oh how heart breaking for you but totally understandable , why don't you try a local whippet charity, they may be able to help you rehome and that way they always own the dog and keep a eye on it.

georgedawes Thu 21-Apr-16 08:35:27

Would the breeder take the dog back?

CMOTDibbler Thu 21-Apr-16 08:38:49

It does sound as you are trying desperatly in really tough circumstances to do the best for ddog and your dd - but rehoming ddog does seem like the best thing to do in the circumstances.

Whippets get rehomed very easily, so contact one of the specialist sighthound charities - EGLR are one that my dogs came through and I know they often rehome dogs from loving homes who just can't keep them anymore.

MumsKnitter Thu 21-Apr-16 08:45:06

I disagree, Arfarfanarf. I too have Aspergers as do my daughters. We do still have choices over our behaviour. I'm very hopeful that some good will come of OP's daughter's referral to CAHMS. My daughters were both helped greatly to see that they did have choices about they reacted to situations, and were helped to make better ones. A wake up call may be possible. The OP knows her daughter best.

MaynJune Thu 21-Apr-16 09:06:47

I feel for you, OP. You are having an extremely difficult time.

You would be doing the dog a great kindness in rehoming her. Whippets are very sensitive to atmospheres like this.

Arfarfanarf Thu 21-Apr-16 09:10:21

I respect your description of your experience and am very genuinely pleased that you and your daughter can both choose to be unaffected by your autism. I genuinely wish my sons had that ability. but sadly that is certainly not my experience and i think not the experience of many others. My eldest has autism and my youngest has autism and adhd and while they can and do control their behaviour when things are calm and make choices regarding behaviours not related to their disabilities, they cannot control or choose those behaviours which occur as a result of their autism or adhd.
I have never come across any person with autism who chooses to have sensory overload or who chooses not to or who can make choices during meltdown or who can choose to not meltdown. I am quite envious of the skills of your local camhs because in this area they are useless.

whippetlove Thu 21-Apr-16 09:27:40

Fostering is an option but I don't know how long it would be for and worry about my girl being shifted to a foster home, getting settled with them and then if things haven't improved at home being shifted again to another house. I don't want that for her sad

I have talked in an appropriate way to dd about her behaviour and the fact if she keeps being scaring the dog she is going to make her frightened and nervous and the dog won't want to play with her. She is already pulling away if dd goes near her. sad She gets very angry about this and threatens/physically attacks me.

She has always has meltdowns but the pure anger aggression towards me is relatively new sad

whippetlove Thu 21-Apr-16 09:28:54

Sorry missed your question. The breeder is no longer in the UK so that's not an option.

Arfarfanarf Thu 21-Apr-16 09:35:08

thanks
You are in a very difficult situation. I'm so sorry.
How old is your daughter? My youngest became very violent a few years ago and i truly believe it was all the changes of puberty that contributed. He couldnt cope.
I know this particular thread is about your dog and i am really sorry you have to make this difficult choice but do you have any support for your daughter? Any groups she can attend? I hope your local camhs can help thanks

BernardlookImaprostituterobotf Thu 21-Apr-16 09:47:05

I'm so sorry this sounds so hard for you all.

I have no better advice than has already been said but wonder if www.lifelock.co.uk/images-and-videos/this or something like it, even used with a padlock, might help. Locked door, no unhappy landlord.

Possibly one of these places might be able to help if you speak to them, although sadly it looks like their remits are very narrow fostering
I wish you all the very best, CAMHS can be a difficult journey but it's so clear how much you love them both, whatever you decide will be the right thing. Heartbreaking for you but no reason for guilt.

BernardlookImaprostituterobotf Thu 21-Apr-16 09:48:57

Ffs, crapped up the lock link, there should be no 'this' on the end of the URL it meant to hot link it.

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