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Dog - grief and anxiety

(6 Posts)
HarHer Mon 02-Nov-15 13:13:39

Hello,

Three weeks ago my mother lost her 8 month old border collie in a horrible accident on the farm. He slipped the leash and ran under a tractor wheel. My 14 year old son, was at the scene. We took Joe to the vet, but it was far too late. His spinal chord was crushed and he had irreversible brain injury. He was put to sleep quickly and we buried him under his favourite tree in the orchard.
My son suffers from severe anxiety and training Joe really helped him. In addition, Joe was so bright, lively and clever (anyone who has a border collie will know what I am talking about) that he made my son laugh even in his most anxious states. My son cried and had flashbacks for about a week. Now he is asking for a dog of his own. My husband has agreed to buy him a whippet cross (I am amicably separated from my husband and son). I think it is too early and I cannot see how my son would cope with the puppy without thinking off Joe and remembering what happened to him. Can anyone reassure me or do you agree that my husband should wait a little while before buying my son a dog?

Floralnomad Mon 02-Nov-15 14:25:04

Provided that your ex husband is in a position to care for the pup I can't see a problem with it and may well give your son something to focus on .

Wolfiefan Mon 02-Nov-15 14:27:33

How awful for you all. We had our old cat pts in July. (So a totally different experience). My DS really didn't want another cat straight away. It was a good couple of months until we could talk him round.
But everyone is different. If your son feels this would help him then I would say fine. (And yes a very different dog would help.)

LetThereBeCupcakes Mon 02-Nov-15 14:29:48

People grieve in different ways. Some people would need a bit of time before getting another dog. Others find it helps to get another dog. As Floral says so long as your ex husband is going to care for the pup then I really wouldn't worry.

We know a lot of people in the dog world (DH and I take part in a dog sport) and they all deal with losing a dog in different ways.

flowers for your mother, son and the rest of the family. How awful to lose a beloved pet like that.

Difficultdora Tue 03-Nov-15 18:32:23

I am so so sorry for your family and your son. My experience is that I think it's better to wait a little while before getting another dog.

My 18 yo son was walking our 14 month lab puppy when it chased a fox onto a quiet country lane, ran straight in front of a fast 4x4 and was killed almost instantly. It was my dog and I got another within a couple of months and my son really struggled. He kept imagining the same thing happening again to the new pup and couldn't relax even if we let him off lead in a completely enclosed field. He was quite racked by guilt and found it tricky to do anything with the new pup. I think that the only thing that makes it better is time! He didn't have any anxiety before the accident but he did have nightmares after.

Things are much better now - pup is nearly 2 and we also have another younger pup as well, but he has never walked the dog off the lead yet.

Sorry not to be more encouraging - sending lots of hugs. It is such a shock for everyone when things like this happen.

pigsDOfly Tue 03-Nov-15 19:00:49

What a ghastly experience for your son.

I think this is something that has to be judged purely on the people concerned, everyone is different and only you and your husband know your son.

I'm not sure I'd ever have another dog is something happened to my Ddog but I wouldn't think anyone else was wrong if they got another within months or weeks of losing a beloved pet.

Having said that, there's a real possibility that another dog could help your son heal from the loss of his dog and give him a new focus. The different breed will also prevent reminders and comparisons, which is all to the good.

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