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I think we're losing him

(84 Posts)
LetThereBeCupcakes Fri 16-Oct-15 14:02:11

DDog is 6. It looks like cancer.

I can't stop crying. Our other dog is a rescue and relies on him for everything. She is lost. Our 2 year old doesn't understand but wants to know where he is (currently at vets).

DH and Ddog had their first year at agility this year. They were winning places, even beating collies. How can this be happening? He was fine on Tuesday. Absolutely fine.

What do I tell DS? What do I do with my other dog?

Sorry. I can't think straight.

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman Fri 16-Oct-15 14:05:04

It's awful isn't it? There are no words I can say that will make it feel any easier but I do know how it feels, we lost our Lab to cancer just over 16 months ago. Do they know where the cancer is?

LetThereBeCupcakes Fri 16-Oct-15 14:07:36

There are enlarged lymph nodes throughout his chest and abdomen.

Sorry for your loss. How old was yours?

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman Fri 16-Oct-15 14:21:22

He was an old fella (14 and 1 whole month) but it came very suddenly. One day he had a limp, the vet said old age but it wasn't. The limp got worse and a second vet said cancer, we had one precious weekend with him after that before we had to let him go.

Do you know when they will be able to give you a firm diagnosis? A friend's young dog had very successful cancer treatment, he had age on his side.

LetThereBeCupcakes Fri 16-Oct-15 14:24:46

They have taken a biopsy, the results are due back on Monday or Tuesday.

That's great for your friend. The vet doesn't seem hopeful. To be honest we've had our hopes raised and dashed so often over the last 48 hours I don't think I can think about treatment yet.

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman Fri 16-Oct-15 14:35:47

Oh bless you, it's going to be a long weekend for you. Can you fill it full of special things for him and you?

confusedandemployed Fri 16-Oct-15 14:37:56

flowers I'm so sorry for you, your family and your DDog.

If it is bad news I hope he's as comfy as can be. I'll be keeping everything crossed that it's good news though.

LetThereBeCupcakes Fri 16-Oct-15 14:46:13

hell we will. Obviously it will depend on how he is but I'm hoping we can make just a few more memories yet.

LetThereBeCupcakes Fri 16-Oct-15 18:40:57

They have just called. He's riddled with cancer and there's nothing they can do. They are fiddling with pain medication tonight. Hopefully we can bring him home tomorrow for his last few days with us.

What do we tell DS? He is 2.7.

mollie123 Fri 16-Oct-15 18:59:53

so sorry - it must be so hard flowers nothing anyone can say really helps sad

Looseleaf Fri 16-Oct-15 19:12:25

This is just heartbreaking, I'm so very sorry. Our family had a wonderful dog who died of lymphoma this year aged 1.5 and like yours it appeared very suddenly and fast, very hard to take in.
I'm a great believer in chatting openly to children in any way he might understand and not be afraid by- eg that he is very ill and raise the idea gently he might even die and that it is very sad (I reassured ours how unusual it was for this to happen as they are older ) . Our DC were inconsolable for a day or two when that day did come but I was keen to avoid a feeling of hiding anything and we talked about it as much as they needed to help process it and slowly they carried on talking about the dog we loved and the things she did that made us laugh. I wish you weren't going through this.

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman Fri 16-Oct-15 21:03:43

I am so sorry. I hope you get some time together with him.

What to say to DS? Avoid things like 'gone to sleep' or 'said goodbye', use the term 'died' instead. Reassure him it's OK to be sad that his dog won't be coming back, say that you might be sad and that's OK too, sometimes people are sad about things. Can you create a memory basket together? That can really help over the weeks and months to come.


honeyroar Fri 16-Oct-15 22:19:16

I'm so sorry. My first dog died at the same age of the same thing. It still makes me sad to think of him 30 years on.

Tell your little one that he is very poorly and he's coming home for a if fuss then will have to go to sleep or he will be very sore? Let him help you organise a last weekend of fuss for the dog? Special treats and food, nice photos together for a special frame? Tell him your other dog will need a lot of fuss.

Re the other dog, it sometimes helps if the friend can be put down at home and the remaining dog can see/sniff him when he's gone. When my second dog was put down our remaining dog was weird for about two weeks. She dribbled a football everywhere for two weeks (very impressive too) and then dropped it and never touched it again, as though she was getting her anger out. She was always the second dog to meet others on walks (hiding behind the big dog that died). She found it difficult meeting other dogs and was always a bit nervous. With hindsight I wish we'd got another dog for her.

Hugs to you. Not a nice time for you all.xx

confusedandemployed Sat 17-Oct-15 00:33:12

I am so very sorry. Nothing constructive to add to other excellent posts. Just be honest with your DC. You will probably find they cope better than you.
Be kind to yourself though. You need to grieve your beautiful boy as well. Don't be afraid to show your DS that you are grieving though. It's OK to be sad.

Shedding a tear for you and thinking of you all flowersflowers

LetThereBeCupcakes Sat 17-Oct-15 05:00:57

Can't sleep.

honey we always said we'd get more dogs but I can't bare the thought of it now. It would feel like replacing him. Besides I'm not great with puppies, and no rescue would rehome to us with a toddler.

DH is broken. His only hobby is agility with Ddog. Allow our weekends through the summer are spent at competitions. That's all gone now.

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman Sat 17-Oct-15 10:28:31

It's not replacing him, you can never replace him but his love can give you the strength to find the room to love another if you find things change in the future. I now have not one but two dogs, a spaniel and a collie. They will never replace our Lab they are both unique like he was but they do add to our family, just as he did.

Rescues do re-home to young families especially the smaller ones that foster their dogs into all kinds of homes, they often have a really good insight into what their dogs are like.

What you are going through is truly awful, much love to you and all of your family.

Orange1969 Sat 17-Oct-15 10:30:18

So sorry flowers

BastardGoDarkly Sat 17-Oct-15 10:34:37

Oh cupcakes I'm so sorry, sending you strength for the coming weeks flowers

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig Sat 17-Oct-15 13:13:20

So sorry cupcakes, I do sympathise. We lost our old spaniel to cancer last December. He was 11. He was our first family dog and it hit us hard. The children not so much. He was more our dog and he didn't really like the children. I miss him all the time. He knew everything, had done everything, there was such a bond of trust between us. He was so reliable and clever.

We got a lab puppy this year. The puppy stage doesn't last that long. He's now turning into a beautiful dog. We're about to do our first obedience test. The agility needn't be over. You might need to start again with another dog, that's all.

As someone else said, it's not a replacement. Someone very wise here on Mumsnet told me that it's a testament to how much you loved them that you need to recreate that.

I just wish we'd had the chance to bring our old boy home. We took him down on a Sunday in a panic and the vet said it was kinder just to let him go. I really wish he'd been at home on his favourite cushion in front of the fire though.

So sorry for you. Hope you get to spend some time with him.


Noitsnotteatimeyet Sat 17-Oct-15 14:26:53

I'm so sorry cupcakes - that's absolutely devastating for all of you

LetThereBeCupcakes Sat 17-Oct-15 17:40:34

Thank you all for your lovely words. It helps to know that people are thinking of us.

He is home and resting at the moment but nothing like his old self. The vet said we could have a few weeks with him but I feel it will be a couple of days at most. We won't let him suffer

Ddog 2 was excited to see him bit quickly become subdued again - I think she knows what's happening.

honeyroar Sat 17-Oct-15 18:33:49

Our one that died of it was exhausted. We spent a final weekend doing his favourite things. Feeding him crap that he loved that put weight on him so was usually banned. He loved water and swimming but could barely walk 100 metres, so we drove him to the local stream and let him paddle. It's over 30 years ago, but the thought of him standing in his stream, knackered, but wagging his tail still brings a tear to my eye.

That's the downside of dogs, they love you so much but break your heart when they go. Xx

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig Sat 17-Oct-15 18:59:14

Oh honey. I hear you.

LetThereBeCupcakes Sat 17-Oct-15 20:44:47

I'm so sorry honey. It sounds like you made lovely memories with him.

BestIsWest Sat 17-Oct-15 20:49:23

I am so sorry Cupcakes. We lost our DDog to lymphoma in August. It is absolutely heartbreaking and we were devastated. No words for you but I know how you are feeling. flowers

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