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What have I done??!

(40 Posts)
SnookyWookyWooWoo Sat 19-Sep-15 15:34:15

Not really sure what I'm looking for here...maybe just a friendly word of advice.

Have decided after 2 years of deliberation to try to rehome my 7 year old Jack Russell.

My reasons for this are because he really really doesn't trust kids...he has nipped my son (who is now 3 on numerous occasions). I now have a baby on the way, due in 2 weeks and I know I can't handle him with two kids.

The problems are not all down to the dog. My son teases him and is way too rough, which I try to punish him for but he takes little notice. They aren't at loggerheads all he time but I would never trust them alone together ever and it happens enough for me to be wary with him near any children.

My little dog has lots of issues, goes absolutely mental at the front door (knocking anyone out of the way to get to the door). He goes almost ferral and I can't control him its quite scary to be honest and the postmen and delivery guys are scared to knock at my door. It's because of this that I cant have friends round with kids and am dreading the midwife visiting. He will lunge at the door and if I try to restrain him he will claw me to pieces.

He can just be a General pain in the arse most of the time to be fair but i feel that its not his fault because he gets nowhere near the attention he should get from us. I don't walk him very far anymore as I have terrible sciatica and my husband won't lift a finger to help me with him.

I have however now managed to find someone who wants to rehome him and will afford him the time I can't at the moment due to my back and the new baby. They don't have kids and are looking to spoil a new pet.

However now my entire family aren't talking to me and my husband is livid. He has pretty much cried since we went and met the new owners to be and is not supporting me in any way. He doesn't want him to go however won't help in any way.

My mum and dad took care of the dog occasionally to help me out as I was struggling and had him if we went on holiday. He's been around for 7 years so obviously they've become attached to him like we have. DH hasn't stopped crying all day today (dog is due to go to new couple tomorrow) and I just feel horrendous.

I guess I feel slightly pissed because DH will not help with walking him. And now he's angry at me because I've tried to find him a home where he'll be spoilt and there are no kids hounding him all day.

I felt like I was doing what was best for our baby and the dog. He suffers from cramps now when he goes out due to his lack of exercise its just heart breaking to see. I just want him to have a lovely relaxed home where he isn't nervous of toddlers chasing him all the time and he is stroked and cuddled like he deserves.

This has been going on for 2 years now and I finally think I found him the right home. I would never put him in a rehoming centre or do anything I felt was detrimental to him. This hasn't happened overnight and I'm as heartbroken as they all are.Im just gutted my mum and dad and husband have turned on me.

Hopefully someone has been in the same boat and can maybe help with some advice sad

eatyouwithaspoon Sat 19-Sep-15 15:36:46

You have done the right thing

Boredofthinkingofnewnames Sat 19-Sep-15 15:38:51

You've done the right thing. If your husband is that upset he should have stepped up and helped!

Floralnomad Sat 19-Sep-15 15:40:54

Where did you 'find' this couple , if you want to rehome your dog it's much safer to do it through a rescue / re homing centre , I don't wish to alarm you but dog fighting rings do set people up and your dog could easily end up as a bait dog ( he sounds perfect for the job) . Can your parents not take the dog full time , he sounds like he just needs training - as does your son.

WaverleyOwl Sat 19-Sep-15 15:42:57

No advice but you have done the best thing for you, your family AND your DDog. If your DH really cared, he would have helped you out long ago. Small kids and dogs, esp nervy or grumpy ones are so hard. Your dog deserves a quiet home.

RandomMess Sat 19-Sep-15 15:48:08

I' livid with your DH for blaming you when he won't help angry

catzpyjamas Sat 19-Sep-15 15:50:21

I'm so sorry that you have no RL support in what must have been a really difficult decision. Your DH is being totally ridiculous to be so upset over an animal he does nothing for. As for your parents, surely they see that the risk to your DCs is not acceptable?
I think you are most definitely right to rehome your dog and I'm sure you were careful in checking out his new owners.
I love animals but I could never take the risk of having one potentially harming a child. None of you would want to live with the guilt if you kept him and one of the DCs was injured, would you?

SnookyWookyWooWoo Sat 19-Sep-15 15:56:57

He has cuddled him and been all tearful now for 2 days but didn't pay him a scrap of attention before I actually found the new couple.

Makes me angry but worse it also tugs at my heartstrings which he knows. I understand him being upset, I don't know how I will go through with it myself but I care about the dog and want to put him first.

Definitely agree both him and my son need training...I feel like such a failure. It's gotten worse since I've been pregnant and my son is running rings around me at the moment.

The couple I found were from a website (pets4homes) I've been to their house and had a good mooch. They really are lovely and have had dogs before. I'm also asking for a donation (by way of a cheque)which will go to the Jack Russell rescue for added piece of mind.

Makes me feel a little better that people can see im trying to do the right thing. I'm a hypocrite because I didn't think much of people who would get their beloved pet rehomed but since having my son and with a little girl on the way I don't know how I've lasted as long as i have.I just hope it doesn't impact him emotionally (if that's even possible)

Thanks for your responses x

SnookyWookyWooWoo Sat 19-Sep-15 16:03:08

Also meant to say my parents now have a cat who the dog cannot get along with. That's half the reason they won't take him full time. I don't however think they'd want the responsibility for him full stop. I know it is a huge ask so really get that they wouldn't take him. Just upset that, my mum especially, is now absolutely distraught and my dad's had to take her out of the house today to calm down (apparently).
They aren't really talking to me, although my dad did call me to ask me not come by with the dog this weekend as would be too difficult for them.
Maybe I'm being a little overly emosh too given that my hormones are raging blush

babyboomersrock Sat 19-Sep-15 16:05:03

You're doing the right thing for your dog.

And OP - sorry to say this, but I hope your dh behaves more maturely around his dc. He sounds weak and irresponsible.

Concentrate on your dc and don't even consider another pet until they're much older.

nagsandovalballs Sat 19-Sep-15 16:09:18

Fuck em. You've done the right thing.vthey are being selfish and putting their emotions ahead of the dog and you. Like you aren't upset by this??

SnookyWookyWooWoo Sat 19-Sep-15 16:35:12

Nags thats what i said! I've cried and cried but it doesn't change a thing really. He isn't being treated as best he can and its own fault!
I can't sit and watch him miserable and i dont want another baby to get a nip off of him.
DH is normally quite reasonable and seems to calm down then all of a sudden something sets him off and I'm public enemy number one again. Tbh I am losing patience quite quickly. I'm just wary now of the aftermath once I've taken the dog tomorrow and he's gone. Thanks so much everyone for posting though has cememted it in my head now tha its for the best and I need to grow a back bone a bit x

Greenkit Sat 19-Sep-15 16:35:46

Another one who says your doing the right thing. Your DH hasn't stepped up to help you and expects you to look after 2 children and a dog, he is an arse!

Hoppinggreen Sat 19-Sep-15 16:36:35

Your parents sound totally over the top!! And your DH for crying all day.
Yes it's sad your dog is going but they are acting like he's being put to sleep.
You are doing the right thing, ignore them all

SnookyWookyWooWoo Sat 19-Sep-15 16:41:50

And pets will be entering my home again! I'm done! To be fair had him before we had kids.. had no idea how tough it would be when little ones came along. We had no responsibility then so his crazy behaviour was easier to manage.

BagelwithButter Sat 19-Sep-15 17:06:58

I may be wrong but I think you posted about this before?

You are absolutely right Have no doubt about that! The situation can only get worse if you do nothing.

Quite frankly, your parents and particularly your mother, are behaving like children. They should be ashamed of themselves, they really should.

If they can't offer a more constructive solution, they can butt out!

I can't imagine how stressful it would be with a newborn and trying to supervise your toddler 24/7.

Please, please go ahead with your plan. You have behaved completely responsibly and you are VERY lucky to have found suitable people to regime your dog.

Don't miss this golden opportunity because of what others are saying. YOU know it's the right thing to do for your dog.

SnookyWookyWooWoo Sat 19-Sep-15 17:42:25

They do seem over the top completely agree but they are passionate dog lovers and would never dream of giving up a pet no matter what. I know they think its selfish on my part and cant understand why im not keeping him.That being said I am not them and I know what I can handle.

Bagel not sure don't think I posted about this before as i didn't know that mumsnet talk had a pet section?

It's just difficult because I feel like once this is done I'll never be forgiven. Have had this chat with my husband since all your replies and he says it's not his fault and he doesn't have time for the dog. My argument is that if it upsets you that much you'd pull your finger out and help more. He does work long hours but he wont even walk him on a weekend. He says it's not fair of me to guilt trip him hmm although pretty certain that's what he's doing to me!

I'm basically public enemy number one. Hoping they'll forgive eventually. Clearly other people agree with me though so I'm sure that its the right choice. Like the pp said I KNOW how incredibly lucky I am to have found a wonderful couple that are happy to take on a 7 yr old dog with lots of issues. I'd be mad to turn my nose up.

Have my sil to help drop him off and she is in 100% agreement with me thank God so hopefully can turn to her if things get tough with DH

Nonnainglese Sat 19-Sep-15 17:48:50

Your DH is a selfish idiot, hopefully he's feeling guilty that his non involvement has contributed to this.
You are completely in the right and he knows it, your dog has a wonderful new home and hopefully everything will go well.

ender Sat 19-Sep-15 19:30:19

I would never put him in a rehoming centre or do anything I felt was detrimental to him.
A rehoming centre/rescue is much safer for the dog than advertising on the internet.
It sounds like you've checked out the people who'll be buying your dog, but what if their circumstances change and they have to rehome him? He could end up being used as bait for dog fighting.
This is one of the reasons rescues stipulate that dog should be returned to them if rehoming doesn't work out.

SnookyWookyWooWoo Sat 19-Sep-15 21:11:20

I've stipulated the same thing. I cannot force them to give him back but I have said id rather that than him go to someone else id not checked out.

By rehoming centres I meant really places like battersea dogs home where they live in a 'dog prison cell'. I did try the Jack Russell rescues where they take much smaller numbers of dogs and use foster homes but they were all full.

I feel I've done the best I could and have deliberated over this for over 2 years.

Don't think dh will ever feel guilty too easy to blame me unfortunately. I think he knows that I'm not having his guilt trip anymore but I know tomorrow will be horrendous he will be a state sad

RandomMess Sat 19-Sep-15 21:25:40

Your dh is being a complete git. He doesn't seem to have suggested anything to actually help resolve the situation and make it work. For example finding a good dog behaviourist and paying for it and taking the time off work to help work through it for a couple of weeks before etc.

He's just passing the buck for his irresponsibility and inaction.

Hugs and flowers for tomorrow.

Adarajames Sat 19-Sep-15 21:34:25

Your 'd'h isles an emotionally blackmailing arse!! How dare he make you feel bad when he's done fuck all to help you out!! I'm so angry in your behalf, he really needs to get a grip of himself and realise that his not helping all this time has been part of the problem! Good job I don't know ou in RL or Id be there really telling him what for!
I hope the new people are genuine and you've found a good home for him, Jack Russells can be a bigger to rehome, too many snappy ones, usually from lack of exercise and stimulation - people seem to think they make suitable pets for elderly people for example, and yet they were bred to work and NEED something to do! Sorry you're so sad to be saying goodbye, but you are totally doing the right thing flowers

SnookyWookyWooWoo Sat 19-Sep-15 23:22:23

Random its so funny you mention it because when this nipping started (when my son had just learnt to stand up holding the furniture) I said that either we got a behaviourist in or he would be rehomed as i was not having a dog around who was dangerous with kids. I found a woman and we paid over £300 but her 'methods' seemed to make the dog a nervous wreck (involved him being tied up ALOT and kept separate from us), and when we asked her to come back to re assess she refused.

Adara you are completely right our little Jack isn't anywhere near as bad with the nipping anymore but i never know if he will go back to it. I know jack Russells as a breed now and understand it far better...I know he needs to be kept busy, I know he's an independent dog who has a very strong mind and I know that they are very dominant by nature so they learn to protect themselves. I made sure that I explained these traits to the potential new owners along with his individual issues so they knew what to expect from him.

Anyway I am now being negotiated with. DH says he will make sure that he gets a good walk every day wether it's by him or he will pay someone to take him out. I am sure this won't happen to be honest but now DH is saying he wont let me take the dog out of the front door tomorrow angry hes been sobbing all night too and has just said a really long goodnight to the dog!

I've said im not calling the couple and cancelling and I want no responsibility for his walks if he stays! Not sure what else I can do really. DH says he needs to sleep on it as he knows it's better for the dog but dog is like a son to him hmm

Will update tomorrow once hes hopefully seen sense. Maybe his sister will beat some into him wink

KiwiJude Sun 20-Sep-15 08:48:08

Snooky, absolutely you are doing the right thing for DDog, and you. Your DH needs to man up - did he take DDog out for a walk today whilst sobbing? Probably not. Don't let him talk your out of DDog's new family; within two weeks it will be back to same old same old and chances are the lovely couple will have found another pooch to be part of their family. All the best for Sunday wine

OhBigHairyBollocks Sun 20-Sep-15 08:57:09

Don't let DH try and win you over. You are absolutely doing the right thing.

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