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Deposit on puppy now major doubts

(77 Posts)
jamtoast12 Fri 23-Jan-15 21:47:28

Hi all

I'm at a loss really as what to do regarding the above sad

For over a year now, dh and dc have gone on and on about getting a dog and i resisted throughout, mainly because I've never had one and given I work part time and take the school hols off, I know it'll all come down to me.

Me dh and kids have a great social life, kids do after school activities most nights etc so life's pretty hectic. I only work 2 days and dh works from home 2 days so their arguments are that the dog won't be left on its own all day etc. but it will be left with me, the one who wants it the least.

Anyway a few days ago dh suggested going to at least see a puppy. Having never been to see puppies before and not realizing the set up, we made a huge mistake of taking the kids and everyone fell in love with it. There were several people viewing the same litter so I felt huge pressure to commit to a deposit. It wasn't a puppy farm but more an experienced family breeder with several pups.

I came away excited having actually really loved seeing the puppy but now I feel awful. I feel I've made a huge mistake, spur of the moment decision and the kids are so excited sad

It's all they've talked about.

We are meant to collect in just over 10 days but I'm terrified! Dh says he's only doing it for the kids and isn't actually bothered which makes things worse as I think at least one if us should be majorly committed as I've no doubt kids will tire of it easily.

I just feel so bad on dc as we have been thinking it over for a year, I took them to see a pup and they've named her and everything. Dh said he'll support me either way and just tell kids it's fallen through due to health check rather than blame me but I feel so bad. I feel like I've led them on, I really thought I'd be ok to commit but I'm so anxious about it (maybe overly so) but I find I haven't slept the past few days worrying about it.

Dh would just go for it but I really wish I'd never been to see it. I don't mind losing my deposit and I'd rather tell the breeder ASAP so they can sort another buyer but unsure what to say as just feel the bad guy all round.

Any advice? Part of me wanders if I'm just being too cautious (I do overthink things)

rookiemere Fri 23-Jan-15 22:00:22

I don't think you should go ahead with it.

We were in almost a similar situation a few months ago. DH has always been keen to get a dog as he used to have one and DS is an only and routinely mentions that as he can't have a sibling a dog would be nice.

Like you I work part time, but I'm still out of the house 8-4 Mon- Thu and really, really value my day off by myself. Stupidly I suggested to DH that it might be ok to get a dog, but then instantly I realised that I'd be the one doing all the grunt work - everyone mentions the walking - that wasn't the problem, it was the thought of being there all the time and not being able to go out as much and the night time wake ups.

Other huge consideration is that if it isn't the right thing for you, then a dog lives for a very, very long time.

Thankfully in our situation what put DH off was borrowing our neighbours dog for an afternoon/evening - he'd forgotten how much mess they make and I was unwilling to take on that responsibility !

It's great that your DH is prepared to back you up. Imagine that you are going for the decision of backing out - how do you feel - if you feel huge relief then you have your answer.

Why don't you sign on for one of those walk my dog websites - then you can actually experience a wee bit what having a dog is like, then you'll be able to get the upsides as well as the downsides.

DrElizabethPlimpton Fri 23-Jan-15 22:06:50

Please don't get a puppy if you aren't 100% committed. The effort required in caring for him is huge and your life will never be the same again.

Don't feel bad about changing your mind.

SunshineAndShadows Fri 23-Jan-15 22:08:54

Dogs are a massive financial and time commitment, every day for the next 10-15 years. Please don't get a pup if you're not committed

ExitPursuedByABear Fri 23-Jan-15 22:08:59

Don't get it. You have to be totally committed.

twentyten Fri 23-Jan-15 22:11:00

Don't do it. We gave in to dd- and it nearly broke us. Guinea pigs?

EasyToEatTiger Fri 23-Jan-15 22:11:49

It sounds as though you have been caught up with the other people and felt pressure to put down a deposit. If you are prepared to lose your deposit, it really is worth contacing the breeder and having another look, just you and your dh. If you are not sure, really, don't do it. When/ if you are ready there are always dogs that need homes. Getting a puppy is life changing. It will chew things, need training, need to go out... You will be taking on a baby of another species and there is a lot to learn. Don't get a puppy because they are fluffy and sweet. A trained adult dog is much more fun.
If you are quick and straight with the breeder, you may get your deposit back. it should be more important that the pups find their forever home, and if you have doubts, do more research.
You sound very responsible. Well done. Look at training clubs and vets and beauty contests for dogs. Decide what you want from your dog and if you have the time and commitment. Look at different litters. I think you have been caught in the whirl of things.

Lyinginwait888 Fri 23-Jan-15 22:12:31

Good for you for being realistic. Do not get the pup. Lose the deposit and be honest with your kids. They'll likely strop about it but honestly this is circa 15 years of life you're considering.

SunshineAndShadows Fri 23-Jan-15 22:15:00

Buttholelane Fri 23-Jan-15 22:23:01

What breed is it?
Because then you can read up on the typical personality traits to expect.

How old is it?
It should be around 8 weeks although age is controversial with some saying 6.

If you do get it, no puppy pads!
remember to pop it outside very morning, after every meal, after every nap, after every play session and before bed.
Pop it in a crate at night covered in newspaper, it probably won't be able to hold it until about 11/12 weeks, you can either set your alarm for halfway in the night or do what I did, sleep and quietly clean away any mess in the morning.

When my dog was a puppy I attached a lead to her collar and she was attached to me 24/7.
This means that any misbehaviour can be very swiftly corrected, no secret house soiling or chewing which is MUCH less stressful smile

If puppy chews something bad, simply say 'no' and immediately provide puppy with a chew toy.

You can train puppy not to jump up and not to bite by simply folding your arms and leaving the room.

If you feed it raw food, you'll find it makes lovely, teeny weeny poos that are super hard and don't smell so easy to deal with accidents.

Try not to stress, the kids have been looking forward to it for a year, you might find you love being a dog owner!

AShiningTiger Fri 23-Jan-15 22:23:12

Jamtoast12, I am going against it the current and say, it is ok to doubt yourself.

We did the same thing, the day after the puppy came home I had a major break down. And it was me wanting the puppy! Of course we kept him and we live him and we want another etc. it is ok to feel wtf!

Having said that it is a pain a bit in terms, for me, of having someone always waiting at home, no freedom of just stay out all day without preplanning it, for example.
It is also messy, expensive, smelly etc (things I do not mind) so think carefully.

Major plus is the joy in your children's lives. The love. That is priceless and, imo, worth every angst. The memories I have of my dogs and their unconditional live they gave me growing up I will take with me forever.

Good luck whatever you decide.

What breed?

Buttholelane Fri 23-Jan-15 22:26:20

Course, if the idea really does fill you with horror then don't do it.
But it may work out just great!

AShiningTiger Fri 23-Jan-15 22:27:14

Oh and make you sure your dh does his fair dh takes ddog out quickly every morning before work and the late night. I do the longer daily one. It works for us. I would not want to have sole responsibility. Not if there's two of us.

Get info redog walker, sitters in your area (you'll meet a lot on your daily walks). Having somewhere where to leave your dog so that you can beout and about is a must. You do not want to be resentful.

Floralnomad Fri 23-Jan-15 22:30:50

You should never buy any animal because it's what your dc want , if you don't want it / are not sure then don't get it .

QueenBean Fri 23-Jan-15 22:39:20

ButtHole great advice there

AmantesSuntAmentes Fri 23-Jan-15 22:44:37

You mention feeling terrified and so anxious. About what, exactly? I only ask because they are quite strong responses. What's the cause?

Tbh, mine go most places with me but are fine to be left if need be. They sleep a lot in the early puppy days and will usually crate train quite easily, if done from a young age. This means you don't have to spend every waking hour on 'puppy watch', which seems to be a concern for you?

If you really don't want one, don't get one but if you can find solutions for your concerns, go ahead!

I wouldn't be without my three and nor would my DC. We have loads of other pets too but there's nothing like the companionship, friendship, loyalty (and entertainment!) a dog can provide smile

SnakeyMcBadass Fri 23-Jan-15 22:48:47

If you don't 100% want a dog, back out now. The kids will get over it.

rookiemere Fri 23-Jan-15 22:53:12

Amantes - I had the same feelings the OP describes, I felt distressed and anxious. I spent half an hour off loading to a neighbour, I can't describe how relieved I felt when DH announced that a dog didn't fit into our lifestyle.

Viewofthehills Fri 23-Jan-15 23:01:56

What sort of activities do your kids do? I find it ideal to take dog with me- most of her walks are when I'm waiting for kids to do music, swimming, dancing. Good exercise and I feel like I've done something useful with the time.

She's a year old now and to me just another member of the family.
I won't deny having a puppy involved a lot of work. I have never had such a clean kitchen floor.

If you go ahead you need to pin your DH down. Is he going to clean up/ walk him and for how long/ take to training classes/ make the kids act responsibly around puppy.

AmantesSuntAmentes Fri 23-Jan-15 23:07:31

rookie, I absolutely believe op feels this way. I was interested in what had provoked such a strong reaction and whether the specific concerns were resolvable, iyswim?

EasyToEatTiger Fri 23-Jan-15 23:13:48

Really, if you're not ready don't do it. My mum always said, don't get a dog. I wanted a dog more than anything (at the time), and we got our first rescue dog. She's sitll with us 15 years later, and we live in a 3 dog household. We've re-homed 4 rescue dogs and in some ways would love to take on a puppy. If in doubt, leave it out. There are huge benefits and joys of dog ownership; it is a commitment and a lot of hard work. And they leave a huge hole in yourlife when they die.

MitchellMummy Sat 24-Jan-15 07:43:48

How sensible to think about it now and not when you have the dog. Don't feel bad ... if you don't want to commit yourself then please pull out now. Our neighbours got a dog for their kids. I've never seen the kids out with the dog, just Mum or Dad. I wouldn't want DCs taking dogs out on their own - with all the dog thefts around it would be easy to overpower a child. How do the DC feel about poo picking up? When I see kids wanting a dog and the parents clearly don't want one I ask the kids about the poo ... they usually say 'yuk'. As others have said it's a huge commitment. Good luck, whatever you decide.

jamtoast12 Sat 24-Jan-15 09:03:33

Thanks for all your replies. rookies post describes my main concerns. I know dh will walk the dog but I have all 6 weeks of the summer off whereas dh takes a week so it'll be me that has to make sure I'm around, do the daytime walk etc. it's the sense of loss of freedom that bothers me most.

In terms of anxious etc, I think that's more the consequences of having to make the decision ASAP for both breeder and the kids benefit and dh just says do what you want.

It's a show cocker spaniel by the way!

I feel so bad as kids just woke up and asking to go visit the dog with the breeder. I feel I need to sort this today but nor sure of best way to handle as kids will be gutted.

jamtoast12 Sat 24-Jan-15 09:07:08

Also, I think my reaction has been largely because every single dog owner I know in real life says it's hard work and that whilst they currently adore their dog, they wouldn't recommend it and wouldn't do it again.this was also almost always followed by "you're brave"!.

Chubbychopsmolly Sat 24-Jan-15 09:11:31

I have two small dogs and I have trained them from day one, they don't make any mess, they do exactly as I say and during the day they play out the back in their own area until we come back from work and they are fantastic as you keep saying you can't do stuff and leave them and the mess etc but a dog will be what way you make it. If it was that hard and bad then no one would have dogs, all you have to do is take the time early on to train it properly.

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