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Husband wants to "get rid of" our puppy :(

(36 Posts)
SweetTeaVodka Sat 20-Dec-14 15:33:03

We have a beautiful 14 week sprocker spaniel puppy. I am head over heels for him but since he arrived my husband's depression has worsened and he blames the dog. He has no patience for normal puppy behaviours and will often refuse to even be in the same room as the dog. Husband keeps saying that we wants to "get rid" (I.e. rehome) him. Doing so would break my heart and I'm not sure how I would ever get over the anger at him it would (and is) cause. But as it is my marriage seems to be in tatters. I know no one here will have any magic solutions but I just need to talk to someone. It's like trying to have a conversation with a wall talking to him at the moment. People around me keep pushing me to make a decision. It doesn't help that my own depression and anxiety had massively improved and I'm worried the grief from rehoming the puppy would cause me to deteriorate. Being torn between the two of them is already having a negative impact but I can't just go back to how it was before he was here as if nothing.ever happened (which is what my husband seems to want).

antimatter Sat 20-Dec-14 15:34:21

Is he taking medication or having some other treatment for his depression?

Fairylea Sat 20-Dec-14 15:38:07

Was he keen on getting the dog? Who made the decision in the first place?

SweetTeaVodka Sat 20-Dec-14 15:40:16

He refuses to take any medication. He is on a waiting list for counselling. He doesn't see why he should have to learn to live with anything that upsets him or take medication when he can just "get rid of" what he sees as the problem. He refuses to recognise how low his mood was before. Apparently medication etc is ok for me but not him as it's apparently somehow different.

SweetTeaVodka Sat 20-Dec-14 15:41:10

It was his idea to get the dog. He chose him from the litter.

Fairylea Sat 20-Dec-14 16:25:44

Hmm it seems unfair considering he chose the dog! Personally I think I'd tell him the dog is staying until he gets help for his depression and then you will discuss it again - maybe if he gets help for the depression he might feel differently.

(However I am not a dog person myself and would never want a dog despite growing up with 3 of them.... too much hassle for me. I think it's unfair for him to backtrack though).

sanfairyanne Sat 20-Dec-14 16:32:22

who would you choose? him or the puppy? maybe he is jealous? i cant believe he is the one who wanted it!!! v irrational

Jackie0 Sat 20-Dec-14 16:38:33

He made a commitment when he got the puppy and he is being very unreasonable.
There no way I'd let him rehome the pup you have fallen in love with.
He's jealous

prettywhiteguitar Sat 20-Dec-14 16:40:41

The fact that he's so willing to get rid of the puppy so soon after he's chosen him says a lot about his personality.

What will happen if you put your foot down and say no ? You picked him and now are responsible for him, then ignore his protests. ? If you are feeling better because if the puppy I would be extremely reluctant to rehome him. There is every chance your dh might change his mind and then you will be devastated if you'd rehomed him.

antimatter Sat 20-Dec-14 16:42:58

Having puppy at home is exhausting but upsetting you with his change of ind and unwillingness to try anti depressants is quite selfish too.

Who takes care of the pup?

AlfAlf Sat 20-Dec-14 16:48:13

He's being very unreasonable. I am sympathetic to his depression, but it's abviously not caused by the puppy, and it seems unfair to you and the puppy to get rid him.
Do you have children?

TheTruffleHunter Sat 20-Dec-14 16:48:22

Rehome the husband?

AlfAlf Sat 20-Dec-14 16:48:58

I do know how to spell obviously blush

Fluffycloudland77 Sat 20-Dec-14 16:51:14

Lose the dh, keep the puppy.

FurryDogMother Sat 20-Dec-14 16:53:07

I agree with Fluffy - ditch the husband, keep the pup.

Gileswithachainsaw Sat 20-Dec-14 16:56:59

rehome the husband.

Honestly with or without the depression you can't go through life not getting rid of everything or everyone who annoys him.or refusing to face things.

given he's refusing to help himself at all by taking his medication I'd personally tell him to shut the hell up.

Gileswithachainsaw Sat 20-Dec-14 16:57:24

Sorry ignore the first not

Fairenuff Sat 20-Dec-14 16:57:38

He is being unreasonable and irrational. Keep the puppy if you love it and want it. It is not causing your dh's depression. You will feel better once the decision is made, especially if you are under pressure to make that decision. So tell him and everyone else, the puppy stays. What he does about it is up to him.

TooMuchRain Sat 20-Dec-14 16:58:56

For the sake of the puppy, I would actually say re-home while it's young - it doesn't sound like this is something that is just going to go away if you put your foot down, and if you change your mind later it will be much more difficult to find pup a home. Then maybe later, when things are more stable, one way or another, you could get another?

susiedaisy Sat 20-Dec-14 17:03:58

I suffer from depression and anxiety and thought a dog would help me and my dc were desperate to get one, People went on and on about how pets are therapeutic, good for a persons mental health etc. I love dogs and grew up with them anyway so after months of consideration I decided that we would get a puppy we were so looking forward to getting her and bought an 8 week old JRT
but almost as soon as we brought her home my anxiety went through the roof and I basically freaked out at the thought of the dog in my home.

I couldn't cope with the change it brought, my low mood came back with a vengeance and I blew everything out of proportion and blamed the puppy. hmmhmmafter 5 days I gave her back to the breeder and she was purchased the following day by another family.

I was devastated as were my dc but I just wasn't well enough to cope it took about 3 months for me to stop crying everyday about loosing my puppy. Depression is a bastard it robs you of being 'you'. Not sure this story will help you op but I'm sure your husband had the best intentions when he choose the pup and probably had no idea he would react like this.

Hobby2014 Sat 20-Dec-14 17:47:39

Do you know anyone who could have the dog for a week or a few weeks and see if his depression changes. If it does improve then ok time to find a permanent home for the puppy. If it doesn't then puppy back and he needs to sort medication out?
That's what id do.

VivaLeBeaver Sat 20-Dec-14 17:50:58

I'd agree, rehome the dog now while its young and got the chance of another home and also before you get more attached.

It does sound unfair if he was up for a puppy but I can see how you just have no idea how messy, noisy, etc they are until you have one. You read it and then when it hits you its still a shock.

Not fair on the puppy to be in a home where someone actively doesn't want him.

EvenBetter Sat 20-Dec-14 18:11:26

You know whatever happens you can never have another dog again, right? It's not fair to ditch a dog, or make it live with someone like your husband, so you're choosing a dog-free life if you stay with this person. He needs to take responsibility for his own health and stop inflicting misery on everyone in his wake, FFS, not even bothering to get anti depressants and ruining your puppy's babyhood too. What a peach.

Gingerfudge Sat 20-Dec-14 18:14:17

I think it's hard enough dealing with a puppy when you are feeling well, can't imagine how hard it is when you are depressed. It's hard to know what to suggest...some time away from the puppy might help and some fun time to bond. Your Dh is not a bad person for not being able to cope with a puppy, he's ill and needs to concentrate on getting well.

MinceSpy Sat 20-Dec-14 18:19:30

Sadly I think you have to make a quick decision for the puppy 's sake. Rehome the puppy or tell husband to leave.

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