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Another 'My dog is a fucker' thread (but we still adore them)

(26 Posts)
EvenBetter Fri 05-Dec-14 18:07:19

The little scrote fucked off into the forest when I'd worked up the courage to let her off the lead (she gets off lead everyday with her daddy, so she's not deprived) she must have smelt the wild deer and so off she fucked, my husband and dad were tearfully phoned and showed up armed with walkie talkies, whistles, sweeties, squeaky tennis balls (her favourute ) and we all screamed for her for half an hour until she found me by accident, judging by the look on her face.

I was petrified, I really thought we'd never get her back.
I'm never letting her off the lead again. Maybe when she's really old and can hardly move.

MistressMouse Fri 05-Dec-14 18:25:17

Yay, the "fucker" thread is back.
Evenbetterdog truly is a fucker!

Dancingyogi Fri 05-Dec-14 19:10:06

Yogi pup is a fucker - yesterday he ate a pair of head phones which cost £250 and had the bloody cheek to look pleased with himself - he is now getting a larger crate from christmas and will not get the keys of the kitchen for sometime to come! Little bugger!

MostAmused Fri 05-Dec-14 19:30:19

Our Pup chewed through a laptop cable (thankfully unplugged!) andhas stolen more items of underwear and tissues than I can count. I dare say he is planning his next mischief as we speak!

Glad you got he back Even!

MostAmused Fri 05-Dec-14 19:31:03

*and has

InFlagranteDelicto Fri 05-Dec-14 19:34:37

Delinquent dog often does that- dp can just about hold his nerve, but I can't. She'll chase anything. Trains, sheep, deer... anything!

Last time she disappeared chasing a smell he spent half an hour calling her in the fields. I continued getting the kids up and ready for church, opened the curtains and the little fucker was outside waiting to be let in!

firstposts Fri 05-Dec-14 20:00:10

First fucker (love that moniker) recently killed 2 baby squirrels on our walk. On front of our 3 yr old DS. Then rolled in fox poo as her encore.
Good job we love her so much

Staffle Fri 05-Dec-14 20:11:45

My new fucker (had him 6 weeks now) did wee wees on the cat food display in Pets at Home today. He's NEVER done wee wees inside with us! Very embarrassing.

LoathsomeDrab Fri 05-Dec-14 20:32:39

FuckerWhippet3 is currently whining because he's not allowed into the living room without supervision where he absolutely would not even consider pulling the Christmas tree down.......


NetHuns Fri 05-Dec-14 20:35:31

Fucker-Pup...managed to escape out of our front door with one of my washable-sanitary towels in his least it was cleangrin

dayshiftdoris Fri 05-Dec-14 20:53:21

Fucker-DorisDog bolts in the rain... Every. fucking. time.

She won't even go out for a wee, nevermind walk, if it's raining so it's only a risk if it starts to rain while we are out.

We also can't take her anywhere with high rabbit populations or loud noises as she she also fuck off then too...

Generally though her recall is good, unless she is rolling in fox shit.

Oh and she eats the cat food and cat shit from the garden.

Cute as a button though

EvenBetter Fri 05-Dec-14 21:08:46

See our wee shitebag was doing rancid farts all evening after her adventure and she was covered in tiny thorns, so she must have eaten something dodgy on her travels and therefore could've been about 50 feet away from me hmm
Bunnies are a no-no, she loses all of her other senses when she knows those fluffy pointless bastards are around, nothing else exists. So we can't go to the many, many local areas that are full of rabbits. Aaaagh!!!

I think all of your stories are adorable! Sorry!

Haffdonga Fri 05-Dec-14 21:11:12

Our fucker-dog presented visiting family guests with a used condom which she had helpfully retrieved from a bathroom bin and laid neatly in the middle of the sitting room floor, to the great interest of visiting children.
blush angry blush

SantasFavouriteHo Fri 05-Dec-14 21:18:13

Haffdonga think you win...grin

CrabbyTheCrabster Fri 05-Dec-14 21:31:57

CrazyCocker who has the inflammable pancreas of the ultra digestively sensitive flower and the appetite of the congenital thieving hound, steals anything she can get her jaws around, resulting in unspeakable poo and floor-wrecking vomiting.

I just bought a sourdough starter and it needs to be warm, so I'm breeding it in a jar by the fire. CrazyCocker has been showing an unholy interest in it since it arrived, culminating in her taking advantage of a tiny window of opportunity when I'd just gone out and DP had gone upstairs to the loo... DP came down to discover that she'd pulled the muslin top off it (held in place with an elastic band), tipped it over and buried her snout in it. My concern is divided between the health of the dog after possibly snaffling yeasty dough, and the health of us after her contaminating the precious sourdough with dog snot. hmm

CrabbyTheCrabster Fri 05-Dec-14 21:33:39

Haffdonga shock shock grin

dayshiftdoris Sat 06-Dec-14 16:03:22


Your dog is hereby crowned Queen Fucker-Dog

grin brilliant - proud moment grin

ExitPursuedByABear Sat 06-Dec-14 16:09:10

Exitfucker knicked the bread bun I had cut and ketchupped ready for DD's bacon to be applied. I nipped to the loo and when I came back it had gorn!

FibonacciSeries Sat 06-Dec-14 16:10:54

FibonacciFuckerDog eats ALL the used tissues he finds in the street. Or tries to, until I have to stick my hand in his gob and retrieve them <boak>. I now leave the house with wipes and antibacterial gel.

LadyofDunedin Sat 06-Dec-14 16:19:06

Couldn't resist grin

ln1981 Sat 06-Dec-14 16:37:01

Our dog likes to eat things he shouldn't-used condoms, toothbrushes, unguarded cakes, heads of cuddly toys, food of dinner plates when I have gone to call the dcs.... hmm
I dont know how, but all have gone through his system without any ill effect, and in the case of the toothbrush, condoms and toy heads we didn't even know he had eaten them until they had..erm.. worked their way through (bleugh!!)

sweetkitty Sat 06-Dec-14 17:07:14

Fucker Dog ate my lunch and drank my tea this week but she's not as bad as Fucker cat, he has the WHOLE living/dining/play/utility rooms and kitchen to puke on where does he puke? On my brand new Christmas throw!!

Cirsium Sat 06-Dec-14 17:19:38

While we were out one evening last week our year old staffy got into the toy box (waiting for baby's arrival in feb) and chewed the only two new toys in there rather than any of the hand me down ones. I didn't even have to tell him to go to his bed when we got home, he picked up the vibes and hid. Cat just looked smug.

YouLoveItDoreen Sat 06-Dec-14 17:40:23

I'm glad I'm not the only one with a fucker dog, my dear darling is very destructive, if you wake up late (although she stays in bed) whilst you shower she'll chew the duvet, mattress, well anything that is nearby. She really needs someone who is up and throws their clothes on and takes her out for a walk, and well, with a 4 yo, this is not me. Up until I found a crate large enough for her, I'd have to barricade the doors and hope she didn't open them whilst I went out. She managed to destroy my sofa, presents and other paperwork; I assume she was filing for me.

She is wonderful some of the time, but most of the time she is just hard work, she is likely crossed with a deerhound or other large breed, so I've been reassured that she is likely going to take time developing, but I'm intent on getting there with her. I've only had her a few months, so she is still adjusting to the life changes and getting used to us, and whilst she has made a vast amount of progress, we have a long way to go.

sunflower49 Sat 06-Dec-14 18:16:39

My dog is a fucker as well. I love her but she's the most unruly dog I've ever owned.

She's never been trained and was over middle-aged when we got her.

She's much better than she was, but still.

Not so long ago I took her for a run, and let her off-I only let her off where there's not many people and dogs about. She's not aggressive, but she has been known to jump up, play too rough with smaller dogs, and once stole a packet of crisps from a woman who (VERY luckily) found it funny and wouldn't take my offer of £1 for the crisps .

the road went either over the bridge or left of the bridge along the river. I continue running across the bridge, DDog decides nope, other way. I was NOT going to give in and run back to her, as I know she'd just keep running off the way she wanted and would end up taking me for a walk. I'm not about to be one of those owners who accepts their place in the pack. But also, I'm scared of leaving her in case she gets lost or stolen they'd soon bring her back so I run across the bridge and hide. And watch her trot along the path, head in the air then realise I'm not behind her. And look about. And sniff-nose up in the air. Looks right to where I am other side of river. Starts to turn around and trot back 'Victory' I whisper, only for her to change her mind and go IN the river at the shallow bit, covering herself in (smelly) mud, and scaring a couple of young 'uns having a romantic cuddle as they look around 'Whose is this dog that's just appeared'. Then she comes out, shakes herself and heads off in the opposite direction again, before remembering she's alone. And.. this continues for a bit. And then suddenly, she panics, realises I'm not there and bounds at full pelt up back toward the bridge, across the bridge and is all over me once I re-appear.

Sunflower 1, fucker dog, 0. Or maybe Sunflower 0, too as I have a smelly, wet bedraggled dog to deal with when we finally arrive home.

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