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My beautiful staff :(

(26 Posts)
threestepsforward Sat 08-Mar-14 00:49:07

My amazing, gorgeous rescue Staffie was put to sleep 2 weeks ago. I am devastated, and think of him all the time. Every minute in my day is punctuated by the bits that are missing, i.e. him.

The only thing that helps me is that a) he was 15 so had a good innings, b) he was a rescue from Battersea, and he had a really good life, despite his beginnings, and c) he was in so much pain over the last weekend he was literally shuddering and crying, the only way he calmed down was when I stroked his eyebrows sad I slept on the floor next to him in his bed in the sitting room for the last 2 nights. This guy had a sky-high pain threshold so he must have been suffering so much...

when I took him to the vet on the monday - she sedated him and gave us 10 mins alone while the sedative kicked in. She put a duvet on the floor and me and Fred lay on the duvet and I hugged him tight. It was the first time in days he wasn't in pain, despite copious pain killers. We lay head next to head and his poor head was wet with my tears when she came back in... (oh god, crying again....) (It was his back - but I chose, with a dog of 15, not to let them operate and poke around with him as the best case scenario - say a slipped disk - was 6 weeks rest with no moving - 15 year staffie anyone?)

I miss him every minute of every day, but I'm also feeling bereft. I need a dog in my life and i don't know what to do? If I rescued again, I would definitely treat the new rescue as a individual, and not compare them, but it somehow feels unfaithful?

Can anyone with experience of this situation give me some advice?

I know my wonderful big-hearted dog would approve of me rescuing another dog, as I did him, but ( can't get past the guilt - but at the same time I don't think I can handle life without a canine friend sad

If anyone is interested, my ex-DP (we are still v good mates) made the most fantastic facebook page to celebrate his life.

I defy anyone not to find him unbelievably cute

I'd really love to hear from anyone who's been through similar - what did you do?

Thanks for reading
Threesteps x

LadyTurmoil Sat 08-Mar-14 01:05:10

I'm can't offer any good advice, I'm afraid, but I'm so sorry to read your story and feel the pain coming through your words. All I would say is that it's a bereavement and just take it easy, don't make any quick decisions, give yourself time and hopefully you will know what's the right thing to do in time.

PassAFist Sat 08-Mar-14 01:31:03

sad It is devastating, I know, I lost my old boy last summer. Still think of him every single day and miss him like mad. Just writing that has made me cry.

I didn't think I could get another dog either, I understand how it feels like being unfaithful. I am a foster mum for a rescue group and they sent me a 1 yr old dog shortly after my old boy died. I looked after her but honestly I felt nothing, even though she was lovely and she had had a terrible start, she just wasn't the dog for me and I happily handed her over when she was adopted after a month.

I started volunteering at the local humane society walking dogs and one day when I was there someone called wanting to surrender a 12 year old mastiff cross. This dog would never have been adopted and would not have coped well in the kennels, right away I said I would take him.

He is exactly what I needed. He is not like my old boy, not the same breed or anything like that, and he is scared of everything whereas my old boy was a dominant male, but he reminds me of my old boy in many ways - in how calm he is and always so gentle. I love him just as much as I loved my old boy.

He had several masses removed this week and I am waiting for the biopsy results. He was 12 when he arrived, I knew we wouldn't have him for long, but I am so hopeful that the news will not be terrible when it comes.

YNK Sat 08-Mar-14 01:58:22

Aw bless him. You obviously loved each other so much! I wish all staffies had that love in their lives. Such affectionate dogs!

I feel sure that when you're ready, another rescue staffy will steal your heart. It will be a very lucky dog!

jeniz Sat 08-Mar-14 07:41:38

So sorry to hear about your beautiful dog.
I had to have my 17 year old collie pts last October,it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life.

I managed to get through everyday knowing that since I rescued her she had a great life and I loved her enough to end her pain.

I'm currently fostering a puppy who I love with all my heart,I didn't think I would ever be able to love another dog again.

Your old dog wouldn't want you to be unhappy and maybe you could rescue another dog and give them a fantastic life they might never have.

I still miss my oldie so much but can now look at her photos with a smile remembering the fun we had together over the years.

Life will get easier and you will never forget him as his memory will live on in your heart.

threestepsforward Sat 08-Mar-14 08:02:32

Thank you all so much for replying x

Jeniz and Pass I'm so sorry you've had to let go of loved dogs recently too. It's such a sad, sad experience sad

I think my brain is addled at the moment, so I know I shouldn't make any hasty decisions right now. I think when the time comes that I can remember him with mainly happy memories and not focusing so much on his final days which were so awful, that's maybe the time I can start thinking about a new dog.

It's helped writing this post too actually. It's helped get the jumbled stuff in my head down on 'paper'...

Thanks again x

jeniz Sat 08-Mar-14 08:14:04

Yes your totally right about waiting till the right time.
The little one im fostering now is the second one I've fostered since my old girl died.
The first one I enjoyed but didn't love her it was sad when she went off to her new home but I was happy for her.
This little one I really love not the same as my oldie but she's a totally different dog.
Piece will come to you soon probably when your least expecting it.

Last week I was still crying most days until I found so old photos and realized I was smiling.

PassAFist Sat 08-Mar-14 11:04:36

Agreed that you will know when the time is right. I was the same as jeniz, fostered a dog but didn't love her, fell in love with the dog that the owner wanted to surrender. It will happen for you when the time is right.

threestepsforward Sat 08-Mar-14 16:16:02

Thank you guys x

I did just smile at a memory sitting here - he used to hurl toys and chews across the room and they'd sometimes land on a high shelf. His look of astonishment when it went upwards and seemingly vanished was hilarious grin

I got in last week and a huge amaryllis in a planter that was on a shelf was all over the floor in pieces. I thought, ah the spirit of Fred has been chucking his things around again!

Bless you both and I'm glad you are now in a good place with it all and have reached the right time to let more lovely doggies into your lives smile

Threesteps x

MadameJosephine Sat 08-Mar-14 16:29:52

So sorry for your loss, just checked out your Facebook page he was a beautiful boy thanks

We lost our gorgeous boy just over 2 years ago now and we still miss him every day. He was only 3 years old but injured his spine charging madly through the woods and had to be pts. We had him from a pup but we had actually just got a rescue staff to keep him company a few months before we lost him so we still have her. I'm glad we didn't have to make the decision about whether or not to get a new dog as its such a difficult one. I hope you are able to make the right choice for you and your family

PassAFist Sat 08-Mar-14 17:22:46

Just as an addendum, biopsy results are in on my new old boy and there are no signs of cancer. Immense relief for me, I don't think I could go through all that again after losing my original old boy to cancer last summer.

I am glad you are able to smile at memories threesteps. It took me a few months before I could talk about my old boy without tears, but now I can see something that reminds me of him and smile at the thought, and share the story with no tears. There are still tears sometimes, but it doesn't feel as overwhelming as it did.

xx for you and everyone that feels the loss of a beloved pet

everlong Sat 08-Mar-14 20:00:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

needastrongone Sat 08-Mar-14 20:05:16

I am so sorry for your loss, I cannot even imagine losing one of my two dogs.

70isaLimitNotaTarget Sat 08-Mar-14 21:41:22

Nothing to advice but how sad and poignant that last cuddle must've been.
Being unable to cuddle your poor dog apart from his eyebrows.

Even in his sedated state he would have known that you were there and that would have been his last memory.Sinking against you but without the pain.
Cherish that thought sad

threestepsforward Sat 08-Mar-14 23:38:38

MadameJ, oh that is awful, so so sad. I'm so sorry sad I can't imagine how that time must have been for you. One of those truly tragic events that you could never have foreseen sad I hope your staffie provided you all with some comfort.

70isalimit, he was pretty much totally deaf at the end, which I'm very relieved about as he wouldn't have heard me crying on his head. tracing his eyebrows and down his nose was the only thing that seemed to calm him in the last day or so, and only by me oddly. (He loved it when I stroked his face backwards, against the grain so to speak...) Yes those last minutes were priceless to me, and I will never forget them.

Needa and everlong thank you x

Pass brilliant news about new old boy, what a relief smile

I know I keep saying thanks, but thanks! It's helped to talk about it some more.

Take care all and hugs to all your fantastic canine friends x

furbaby Sat 08-Mar-14 23:58:03

I am so feeling your pain op .
We lost our so very special boy staff last may .
we just loved him so very much , loosing him was the worst thing that had ever happened in our lives .
I hadn't seen dp cry before but night after night he was crying and didn't know how we could move on from loosing our extra special dog .
He was only 12 and we didn't expect to lose him but he t he had cancer and when we had the vet out to do the deed he was ready and greeted vet like a long lost friend .
we now have a staffy pup but every day I compare pup to our darling boy we lost .
I pray in death I will meet him again as I miss him so much .u

My heart goes out to you .
it wont be easy , staffys are such people dogs .

threestepsforward Sun 09-Mar-14 00:15:17

Oh furbaby, I am sorry sad

Just saw this before heading off to bed. It is so painful, and I think it is just time and acceptance that will get us through it.

With your new pup, like has been said on this thread, comparing them is always going to be sad sad They'll never match up as they are all so different. If you can manage to see them as 2 separate individuals, like making 2 friends?
You wouldn't compare friend 1 and friend 2 I think. And staffies are that individual ... I bet little pup will do something soon that your old boy never did, and your heart will warm. It doesn't diminish your love for your old boy, but just opens up a new channel for you to love your new pup in its own right, without feeling guilty?

I really may well be talking rubbish though - i know what I want to say, but just not sure it's coming across late on a saturday after one glass too many of wine

take care xxx

furbaby Sun 09-Mar-14 07:04:46

Thank you Threestepsforward
I know exactly what your saying and your very right they are just as different as people .
Pup can be a pain in the bum but there are certain behaviour s in him that are so much better than our old boy , he is less expecting and more patient than our special old dog .
I am so sorry for your loss and wish you luck with a new dog thanks

Owllady Sun 09-Mar-14 15:56:26

It does just take time and of course it's sad sad I'm so sorry but you did the right thing x

I have lost two dogs in less than two years and I have found it very hard. The first one to go was very old, but I had to have my 11yr old collie pts last October because she had a severe tail pull after being hit by a car (she was not even on the road sad ) the vet could operate but it may not be successful and she would lose her tail and most probably her incontinence. I decided to pts. I still question if it was right but I acted on my gut andxwhst was best for HER. I miss her terribly though

Owllady Sun 09-Mar-14 15:58:14

Her continence I meant, she would be left doubly incontinent most probably. She would have hated that, she was such a clean, proud dog

threestepsforward Sun 09-Mar-14 23:52:47

Thanks furball x
I won't wish you luck with your new pup as I'm certain you will fall in love with him smile I guess it just takes a bit of time and bonding with a different character. I bet he loves the bones of you!

Owllady thank you... I know I did the right thing, there really wasn't any other option. God how hard for you losing 2 dogs in 2 years sad And yes you're right, making that decision is so hard. I'm doubting mine too, I think that is natural (together with guilt about should I not have seen warning signs earlier etc....). But it sounds like we both did the right thing, no matter how devastating sad

What helped me is that even though I was beside myself, I knew he wouldn't be iykwim? It helped me to think 'pull yourself together Threesteps, he's not suffering any more, this is all about you...' I know that sounds harsh, but I am quite harsh on myself generally lol and it helps to remember he isn't suffering any more. He won't be sobbing etc.

THANK you all on this thread.


higgle Tue 11-Mar-14 16:54:35

TSF, only just seen this thread and I hope you are feeling a bit better now. We lost our rescue Staffie to leukaemia only 18 months after we got him. He was 10 and a bit threadbare and warty and he had had a hard life. He just blossomed with us, took to family life 100% and loved our teenage sons to pieces. I felt devastated when he was PTS after we had come to an end of all the less intrusive treatments, I would not had put him through blood transfusions etc. It was only 2 years before that we lost our PBGV aged 16. So we said "no more dogs" but there is another lovely elderly gentleman Staffie waiting for me to go home today. He had been in kennels for 2 years waiting for a home and he is also a totally loving, well mannered sweetie. Please feel free to grieve and say " no more dogs" like we did. If you love dogs, especially Staffies you will find happiness with another one eventually.

threestepsforward Tue 11-Mar-14 22:55:03

Aw Higgle x Your post made me sad and happy at the same time. What a wonderful chance you've given these dogs, who I can only imagine it's harder to re-home because of their age...

I also checked out PBGV on the web, ahhhhh smile

Staffies are just the most wonderful dogs. I first realised there was no other breed for me when I was 13 and went on holiday to Spain with mum and sister. One of the provisos was that we looked after the owner's staffie for the week. THUNK, love at first sight. The noises she made, her snoring, her unfailing good nature, her cuddles, her ability to amuse us, and amuse herself, for hours and hours and hours...I could go on... She was in the orange growing region and was always with an orange in her gob lol

I've grown up with a fair few different dog breeds and at the ripe old age of 40 plus a bit(!), none have tugged on my heart strings as much as a staffie.

I know the time will be right to rehome again - not sure when but I'm hoping that I'll just know when I'm ready confused

You mentioned blood transfusions - Fred had 2 over his lifetime, due to abdominal bleeding, first time when he was 2, last time when he was 13 I think. This came hand in hand with iron-deficiency anaemia and he amazingly came back each time from the brink, and the vet still couldn't identify what caused the bleeding. The whole time I had him was an amazingly hard balancing act of food and pills to control his bleeding. We nick-named him the Comeback Kid as he just managed to pull through each bad episode.

This whole awful process has been weird and unfathomable. First week was constant tears, then 2nd and 3rd week strangely accepting of the situation. This week I've regressed and am crying a lot at odd moments. He used to stay with my mum when I went away... I'm guessing it may have just felt like that, and now it's sinking in that it's permanent sad

And I just can't get out of my head his face and his beautiful brown button eyes looking at me when he was sedated, just before the vet...well you know sad

Gawd sorry... Am crying again. Seem to be burning the midnight oil, crying and mostly eating porridge at the moment.

Sorry for epic self-indulgent post. Give your staffie a big fat hug from me smile

Threesteps xxx

Varya Sat 15-Mar-14 16:34:26

Very sorry for those who have recently lost their beloved dogs. Mine is in a life and death situation at the time I write. He may die on the operating table as one other of our lovely dogs did. We will hear from the vet around 10pm tonight. So beautiful, so mellow, so loyal. Loads more waiting for adoption I know but am on tenterhooks just now for dear Spencer in surgery.

threestepsforward Mon 17-Mar-14 11:49:07

Varya, I've only just seen this ...

Wishing you and Spencer all the strength to come through his op x
I remember the feeling waiting for news about Fred when he had his blood transfusion a while back... flowers for you

Threesteps xxx

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