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How to persuade mil that it's time her dog wAs PTS?

(35 Posts)
Twattyzombiebollocks Sun 23-Feb-14 21:04:19

It sounds cruel but my mils dog is in a real state. She's at least 15 possibly older, we took her on as an adult dog in 2000. Mil adopted her from us as she was lonely and as we were out at work most of the day it seemed fairer for the dog (stupid for us to take her on in the first place I know but that's all in the past now) so having owned the dog for 2 years I'm very fond of her. Her sight has deteriorated over the last couple of years to the point where now she is completely blind, she walks into things constantly. She's also gone deaf in the last 3 years, she now doesn't respond to voice, door banging, anything at all really, except if you put your hand in front of her face and she can smell you, and obviously she responds to touch. She staggers around the house bumping into everything (her back legs are very weak and she has bad arthritis) but by far the biggest problem is her teeth. She has horrific dental disease to the point that she can only eat soft food, her teeth are all greyish black, her gums are red and inflamed. I think she must be in the most awful pain, she flinches if anyone touches her muzzle or cheeks.
For me it is time and past time this lovely dog was out of her pain, but mil insists that because she wags her tail a couple of times a day and eats her food, that she's
fine. I think she is hoping
that the dog will die in her
sleep so she won't have to
make the decision to have the vet come and put her to
sleep. In fact I know this is
the case because she's said
a few times that she hopes
this is what will happen. I
think because she sees the
dog every day all day and
that her deterioration has
been gradual , that she
doesn't see just how bad
things are and just how
miserable this poor animals
existence is right now.
How the hell do I persuade her that enough is enough?
I love this dog and it's heartbreaking to see her in such a bad way.

BeerTricksPotter Sun 23-Feb-14 21:33:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Selks Sun 23-Feb-14 21:38:36

Poor, poor dog sad. Your MIL is actually being very selfish and cruel not to do what needs to be done and that is put this poor creature out of her misery. This has made me very sad to read.
Could you enlist your DH in persuading her?

cathpip Sun 23-Feb-14 21:43:31

A vet can come out, but I do agree with you. When I lost my old boy it was friends who told me his time had come. His decline had been gradual so I was unaware of how bad he was. The whole procedure of being pts is so calm and not distressing in the slightest and the last kindness that you can give your dog. You need to have serious words with your mil, keeping the dog alive whilst in pain is unfair.

Scuttlebutter Sun 23-Feb-14 21:45:45

MIL needs to get the dog to the vet pronto. The dental problem alone will be causing this poor dog a great deal of suffering, which is completely unnecessary. We have an older foster bitch who has had all her teeth removed, and is flourishing. I'd be far less worried about the blindness and even the deafness as there are many dogs who have happy well managed lives with both these conditions. There are a number of specialist groups (both on FB and on the internet) who support owners with dogs who have these conditions.

Elderly dogs, even with multiple health conditions can have happy lives but this needs active and determined management by owners, in conjunction with excellent vet care.

It's utterly shameful that she is deliberately leaving an elderly dog in excruciating pain, and putting her at risk of a number of other infections that could threaten her life. You cannot stand by and let this dog suffer.

Goldencity1 Sun 23-Feb-14 22:37:50

Dogs can be fine if blind and deaf, but the teeth sound awful. I would just take it to the vets, if the teeth are sorted, the dog may have a new lease of life. If it's the end, the the poor thing will no longer be suffering.
Just tell MiL it's about the teeth, but I bet she already knows and is scared to . Admit how bad the dog is as she doesn't want to lose her.

Goldencity1 Sun 23-Feb-14 22:47:35

My MiL was the same with her little spaniel. Refused to see how ill Pip was, Pip was still eating therefore she must be well. We all tried to tell her, but she wasn't listening. I am sure that she just couldn't face being alone in the house, after FiL died and she had lost Pips elder sister. To my shame we did not confront her sooner, we let it go on too long.
The weekend we finally decided to take her to the vet on the Saturday morning, Pip died in her basket on Friday night. I still feel guilty .

Twattyzombiebollocks Sun 23-Feb-14 22:52:11

I think the dental problem is past repair to be honest, she is so frail that the sedative would almost certainly kill her and she is so painfully thin (despite eating huge quantities of food) that I suspect there is some other problem internally. Her breath is so bad that even to be in the same room as her requires breathing through the mouth.

Selks Sun 23-Feb-14 22:54:26

It seems that the poor thing is being allowed to die a slow, painful death. So wrong. Can you show your MIL this thread?
Please do something sad

Goldencity1 Sun 23-Feb-14 23:27:58

Perhaps just use the excuse of taking her to have her teeth cleaned to get her to the vets?

pigsDOfly Mon 24-Feb-14 00:37:32

This is heartbreaking and MIL is being unbelievably selfish. The dog may still wag its tail from time to time because that's what dogs do. Animals will hide pain as a survival tactic and the poor thing will eat despite the pain otherwise it would starve.

Do you have a good local dog warden who would perhaps be willing to come and have a chat with her and give her some advice? Perhaps she'd take more notice of someone outside the family. It's just horrible for the poor dog to be left in this state.

Scuttlebutter Mon 24-Feb-14 09:11:04

Actually the teeth problem is repairable. Bad teeth are very common in greyhounds and I've seen dogs have major extractions at quite advanced ages and do very well afterwards. It is up to your vet to make a judgement about whether the dog is well enough to stand up to GA - in any case ABs will be urgently needed. One of ours recently had a dental with extractions at 12, and Senior Staffy Club have just had a staffy girl of 15 have a spay because of untreated pyo - she is now doing very well.

Can I reiterate - the dog is in severe pain NOW and if left untreated the teeth problem could lead to infections in the bone or to abscesses under the teeth and into the nasal area. Think about that, and imagine how painful that will be.

The dog is also slowly starving because it cannot eat. Please, please take it to the vet URGENTLY for an assessment.

hairypaws Mon 24-Feb-14 09:23:28

This is heartbreaking. As others have said the teeth need sorting. If the vet says the dog wouldn't cope with the anaesthetic then obviously pts would be needed but I would imagine it would be worth the risk as either way the worst outcome is the same.

I've had toothache from one tooth, imagine having it from multiple teeth. The dog needs the vet now, it's cruelty to ignore.

DandyDindie Mon 24-Feb-14 10:26:01

Dental disease can lead to heart and kidney failure due to the chronic circulation if bacteria in the blood from teeth to organs.
Tooth decay is excruciatingly painful and dogs don't demonstrate sign of chronic pain by yelping - they become less active, rest more and try and avoid painful activities such as jumping if arthritic and face touching if dental
She either need treatment or euthanasia - this is your legal obligation as an owner. If your mother doesn't seek veterinary help she could be prosecuted under the 2006 Animal welfare act for failing to provide the necessary care.
Sorry if that sounds harsh - I know that you're trying to do the right thing but perhaps if your mum understands that she has a legal obligation to provide appropriate vet care as well as a moral one, that might help

CocktailQueen Mon 24-Feb-14 10:34:44

She either needs treatment or euthanasia - this is your legal obligation as an owner. If your mother doesn't seek veterinary help she could be prosecuted under the 2006 Animal welfare act for failing to provide the necessary care.

This ^

How absolutely shocking that your MIL is neglecting her dog so badly and causing it so much pain. When did she last take it to the vet? Teeth take a long time to decay to that extent. Poor animal sad

Poledra Mon 24-Feb-14 10:43:11

Would she agree to you taking the dog to be PTS? I ask because, many years ago, we looked after my grandparents' dog for a few days, and it became apparent he was in a bad way. When my grandparents returned, my parents told them the dog was clearly at the end - my grandfather replied that yes, they knew this, and they'd hoped my dad would take the dog to be pts while they were away. My dad was furious, because they had given him no hint that they were OK with this and he would have been happy to help the poor animal. The dog was at the vet before the day's end, and his suffering was over. Maybe she needs someone to do it for her?

Twattyzombiebollocks Mon 24-Feb-14 11:28:41

Mil took her to the vet just before Christmas, and before that in the summer. The vet has advised that to sedate her to clean/extract her teeth would kill her. It's not just the teeth though, it's the whole quality of life of a dog who can't see or hear, can barely walk with the arthritis, and she's very unsteady on her back legs, if she walks into something, just the action of trying to reverse to go around is beyond her, she tries but her back legs give way and she falls over. She can't go for walks, she has to be lifted over the threshold to go out in the garden to toilet. The teeth are the worst issue though I think, at least the ones causing hermost pain

Goldencity1 Mon 24-Feb-14 11:44:16

It sounds as if you only have 2 choices: leave the dog as it is, or have the full and frank talk with your MiL.
I had exactly the same with my MiL, we tried dropping hints and being tactful, but she was in complete denial and refused to contemplate the vet as I'm sure she knew what he would say.
What we should have done is just loaded Pip and Mil in the car and gone to the vets. I am ashamed to say we didn't, and by the time we had decided to, poor pip had died, in pain I am sure.
Please don't make the mistake we did, take the dog to the vets today.

lljkk Mon 24-Feb-14 11:50:22

Can you somehow convince your mum that it's better to go while she still has some quality of life? If she had a sudden deterioration over the weekend she might not even be able to get to vet for a few days; imagine it happened over Easter weekend. Cost a fortune to get emergency PTS and all for the sake of a few extra weeks which were stressful for the dog, anyway.

Else I'd be talking about painkillers for the gum disease. Somehow bring home the reality that animal is suffering as things are, cannot leave.

Scuttlebutter Mon 24-Feb-14 13:11:05

In all my experience wiht vets, I am sorry to say I think your MIL is either lying or only telling you the partial story. NO vet would be happy to allow a dog with teeth decay that advanced plus multiple other health issues to simply be allowed to rot in agony. If they did, they would be rightly reported to their professional body.

That dog needs to see a vet urgently. As others have said, MIL is breaking the law, but that's not really the point. This dog is suffering.

Twattyzombiebollocks Mon 24-Feb-14 13:36:57

No I know she is lying about the vets, I'm sure she has taken the dog, and I'm sure my mil has left out the part where the vet advised her to put the dog to sleep. The added complication is that this is my soon to be ex mil, she has a long history of procrastination about things, for example stbxh lived 12 years at home from 10yo-22yo with no hot water or central heating as the boiler broke as she was too slack to get it fixed.
I might speak to fil as he is slightly more reasonable if passive

Selks Mon 24-Feb-14 18:27:07

What about your DH? I did ask up thread if he could intervene but perhaps you didn't see that. have to do something.

Selks Mon 24-Feb-14 18:27:31

Contact RSPCA?

AdoraBell Mon 24-Feb-14 18:31:40

The only thing I can think of is to lay it on thick about the dog being in pain and suffering immensely. And get DH onside too.

My late father kept our family dog alive for far too longsad

AdoraBell Mon 24-Feb-14 18:33:15

Ah, I didn't see the "stbxh" part, sorry.

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