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I am so angry about this- was this vet acting properly?

(22 Posts)
YoureBeingASillyBilly Fri 22-Nov-13 22:14:46

Best friend's dog sadly passed away last week. It was all very sudden, dog didnt eat in the morning, then stopped drinking then just lay down and wouldnt get up so took her to vet and vet found a ruptured tumour on her spleen, kept her overnight to xray but he passed away during the night. This only months after friends other dog (and this dogs daughter) died of mammary cancer. So friend is completely devastated understandably. When vet asked what she would like done with the body , disposed of or cremated, she asked for some time to think about it as she was already facing a huge vet bill but she did get the other dog cremated and felt it was what she wanted to do. Vet said she had until thursday this week to decide as that was when crematorium collected. In the meantime her teen daughter (who is giving her hell right now) told her if she got the dog cremated she would never speak to her again. Friend was distraught by this, but decided she did want to go ahead with cremation. Called vet on thursday morning to inform them, vet told her he would have to ring her back to discuss it. Vet didnt call back on thursday- teen daughter came home on thursday evening and told friend that she had gotten her father (friends abusive exhusband- separated 6 years) to call the vet and tell them the dog wasnt to be cremated! Friend called vet straight away and without realising that she knew exh had been talking to them the vet tried to persuade friend out of going for cremation, emphasising how much her bill already was. Friend, who is still in shock about the whole thing just agreed there and then in tears. She felt she had no choice as the crematorium had already collected. Her exh hasnt taken anything to do with the dog since he left, friend says its possible the vet still has his name (aswell as hers) on the records but the vet has only dealt with friend for the past 6 years And friend is the one paying for it all! I am fuming on her behalf- firstly that her ex bastard husband is still fucking with her life and secondly that the vet even discussed it with him never mind going along with what he wanted! Ive told her to inform the vet that their bill is to be sent to exh since he seems to want responsibility for it but friend just wants to let it go. I can understand why as she is just so broken down by it all.

MrsWolowitz Fri 22-Nov-13 22:19:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LizaRose Fri 22-Nov-13 22:23:40

All dogs left at the vets for disposal are cremated. You can choose to have individual cremation with the ashes returned (the expensive bit) or just routine cremation. If you want to bury the body, you have to collect it from the vets and deal with it yourself. And if your ex phones up and claims to still be reponsible for the dog, how is the vet to know different, unless you have specifically told them?

ClaireandGeorge Fri 22-Nov-13 22:24:06

I don't know if this will help or not but the dog will be cremated ss thatd what happens legally. The choices we have ss owners are for individual cremation with the ashes back or a group cremation with other pets and the ashes arr usually plaved in the pet crematoriums garden of remembrance. At the one our vets use they take s portion of the mass cremated sshes and have engraving with date that you can go and see.
Vet does seem like s bit of an arse tbh. Our vets kept our dog for 2 weeks whilst we decided.
She can complain to the rvc about him. I would ask what crematorium he has been taken to if it were me.

YoureBeingASillyBilly Fri 22-Nov-13 22:24:28

No dog wasnt cremated. She called on thurs morning to say she wanted cremation, vet said he needed to call her back to discuss it later that day. (As he had already spoken to exh)He didnt call back. When friend called vet he dissuaded her not to go for cremation (on exh's sayso) and as it was too late anyway friend agreed no cremation.

AngiBolen Fri 22-Nov-13 22:24:33

So if the cremetoriam has already collected, did she have a choice or not?

It sounds like the vet had one owner being very definate about the decision, and the ohter dithering, and so tried to keep every once happy.

I don't think the vet did anything wrong at all.

What was the daughters issue with the dog being cremated?

YoureBeingASillyBilly Fri 22-Nov-13 22:26:58

Not two owners. One owner. One manipulative asshole throwing his weight around.

Good to hear that cremation is still what will have happened either way. Friend was under the impression she would disposed of some other way and i had no idea.

LizaRose Fri 22-Nov-13 22:27:31

Also remember the vet had to store all bodies in the freezer until the crem collects them. If they keep everybody's pets for weeks until they make a decision they would soon run out of freezer space.

YoureBeingASillyBilly Fri 22-Nov-13 22:29:30

She had been given til this thursday to decide and called them thursday morning with her decision which vet didnt accept and said he would call her back to discuss. She was t asking for it to be kept for weeks. She had made her decision within the time frame given.

YoureBeingASillyBilly Fri 22-Nov-13 22:31:00

Not sure what daughters issue was. I think just another way for her to give her mum grief tbh.

PuntCuffin Fri 22-Nov-13 22:32:03

If her ex rang up and said he was Mr Friend and did not confess to being an ex, how was the vet to know? If they have same names etc, the vet is not going to question him phoning 'on behalf' of your friend, particularly bearing in mind her distress. It is VERY normal for a vet never to speak to or meet both halves of a marriage/relationship. How was the vet supposed to know it was no longer his place to speak on her behalf?

YoureBeingASillyBilly Fri 22-Nov-13 22:34:31

The vet knows them both. Small town everyone knows everyone.

PuntCuffin Fri 22-Nov-13 22:35:23

The distinction re cremation is whether it is done individually and ashes returned or en masse. Individual is a lot more expensive. Many people choose this in an emotional state, then never collect the ashes.

ClaireandGeorge Fri 22-Nov-13 22:39:16

You can reassure your friend that her dog will have been cremated alongside other well loved pets. There is no other legal way to do it.
Most pet crems are nice places and you can visit if you like. She could call and ask the receptionist/nurse where her dog has gone.
The vet wasn't being very professional imo. Pet bereavement is a sensitive issue. The practice we use has a dedicated trained member of staff to deal with it. Being a vet is as much about dealing with people as pets.

YoureBeingASillyBilly Fri 22-Nov-13 22:46:59

Claire i will tell he this. She will be very glad (if that is the right word? It doesnt seem right) to know this.

My anger really is mainly for her exh. I am so pissed off that he could do this to her. But also annoyed that the vet went along with it too. The vet knows them both, knows they are not together and that friend is the only one who looks after the dogs. It just feels wrong when someone is in such a horrible place emotionally to engineer the situation to how they think it should happen. The vet could have discussed with her when she called in the morning rather than wait til after the crematorium had collected and possibly already cremated?

Doodledumdums Fri 22-Nov-13 22:48:05

I'm really sorry about your friends dog, but I don't think the vet did anything wrong in my opinion. I think all your anger should be directed at the daughter and the husband for interfering to be honest.

Also, I second what everyone has said, vets don't 'dispose' of bodies, they are all cremated, either individually or in a group cremation. So your friend doesn't need to worry that they are going to do something awful with her poor dog.

So if the dog didn't get collected by the crematorium, then is he still at the vets?

Doodledumdums Fri 22-Nov-13 22:49:39

X-post- If the vet knows all of those details about the couple then yes, he did act unprofessionally.

YoureBeingASillyBilly Fri 22-Nov-13 22:52:27

Friend believes dog is still at the vets but quite honestly i dont know how much she heard after agreeing with the vet. She was in tears and so upset. She was so upset when she was telling me and i was getting inwardly angry as she did so i didnt ask a lot of questions. I just let her talk. And bit my tongue. Hard.

stickysausages Fri 22-Nov-13 22:58:44


Floralnomad Sat 23-Nov-13 20:55:12

I'm really confused ,however I would just like to point out that if you take your pet yourself to the crematorium of your choice it is generally considerably cheaper than the price you pay for getting a vet to organise it .( if you want the ashes returned) .

LEMisafucker Sat 23-Nov-13 21:00:40

SAve your anger for the exh, but it sounds like the DD really didn't want the dog cremated and asked her dad to call the vets? REally? what was you wanting the vet to do - sounds like he was stuck between a rock and a hard place and made the best decision, would have been far worse if it was the other way around and the dog was already taken for cremation and they changed their minds. Although we used to keep animals for longer if owners needed extra time, very rarely did though.

YoureBeingASillyBilly Sat 23-Nov-13 21:12:59

It wasnt the vets decision in the first place LEM. So no he couldnt have made 'the best decision' as its only the best decision when decided by the bereaved without pressure from people with an agenda that doesnt include following the bereaved's wishes.

What i would like a vet to do in that scenario is to be impartial and not try and persuade someone to do something because someone else asked them to. I would also like a vet no to stall the discussion so that it reached a point where the decision was now out of the person's hands. Especially when that person is about to hand over hundreds of pounds to that vet.

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