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If your dog was human. . .

(30 Posts)
TheCunnyFunt Fri 05-Jul-13 08:10:04

What job would they do?

My dog (Greyhound) would either be unemployed or a bed tester grin

BookieMonster Sat 06-Jul-13 11:45:30

3 year old labs - restaurant critic and wine expert.

punter Sat 06-Jul-13 09:38:36

My lab would be a shadow - fixed to my side with velcro.
He could also be an underwater salvage expert, finding precious 6 foot branches and clumps of smelly moss to bring home.
He is also pretty good at being a teenager - rebellious and grumpy during the day sometimes, charming and friendly to non family members and sleeps all night for up to 11 hours.

mycatoscar Sat 06-Jul-13 07:30:06

My collie cross would be a ball girl at wimedon or a landscaper, specialising in excavating.

GrimmaTheNome Fri 05-Jul-13 23:28:23

Forensic scientist. Judging from the level of interest show today in a fish cadaver. I suppose he'd have said he was being a parfumier.

ExitPursuedByABear Fri 05-Jul-13 23:24:35

Bomb disposal expert.

And part time archeologist.

And part time search and rescue from bogs.

bassetfeet Fri 05-Jul-13 18:37:23

Oh yes it is a compliment fanof you can get grin.
owned one in my youth and she was a character .

fanoftheinvisibleman Fri 05-Jul-13 17:32:42

Bassetfeet my friend is always pointing out just how 'like' my family my dog is. Given that he a scruffy attention seeking , sometimes naughty, mad as a fish Border Terrier who lurches from one madcap escapade to the next I am not entirely sure it is a compliment grin

lougle Fri 05-Jul-13 17:18:19


He'd be a 'meet and great' hospitality professional.

He'd be a 'chicken dispatcher'.

He'd be a pole vaulter.

He'd be one of those reclusive sorts with other people, but totally into animals (because at the moment he hates other animals but loves people).

He'd be a freegan - he loves foraging through bins!

mateysmum Fri 05-Jul-13 16:46:11

My boy would be a pub landlord. He is very sociable and happy to chat to anyone but good at enforcing security when needed.
All he would ask in return is lots of positive strokes from his customers (preferably on the tummy) plenty of pub grub and comfortable landlord's accommodation.

He'd be happy to organise a pub tug of war team but not so keen on any ball sports.

bassetfeet Fri 05-Jul-13 16:36:10

My neighbours dog is a Westie and very much Mrs Doubtfire . She would wear thick support hose and sensible brogues if she was allowed. Her bark is best Edinburgh twang with a hint of Glaswegian.

Strange thing ........have any of you noticed that these lovely wee dogs have matching owners ? Might be a northern thing .
The short white hair and sensible slacks etc? I wonder if the government issue you one at a certain age or look ? Your dog is waiting for pick up DowagerBasset grin.

No hurt intended by the way to westie owners grand dogs ...just joking wink.

mouseymummy Fri 05-Jul-13 13:44:16

I think that mine would be some kind of circus performer or an impersonatorr... She's a staff x jack Russell and she already does an amazing impersonation of a spring bok and can do a brilliant high jump. Straight over a 5 ft fence....

GemmaTeller Fri 05-Jul-13 13:43:48

Male boxer would be a male model/lothario. He's tall, muscley, with a beautiful face (someone took his photo when we were on our walk yesterday), loves lounging about and posing and is especially good with the kissing and hugging.

Female boxer would be a nosy neighbour/curtain twitcher, she loves sitting and looking out the lounge window, and grumbles under her breath when people park outside our house (yes, really).

HoneyDragon Fri 05-Jul-13 13:33:51

Hully would be the national grid.

Not work for it, be it. Hook her up, let her loose with s tennis ball and enough energy to power Scunthorpe.

fanoftheinvisibleman Fri 05-Jul-13 13:27:06

grin at Stanleys career Chickens.

Jas would be a neurotic, chain smoking fashion writer.

Stanley would be a hole punch <rubs sore ankles>

Arseface Fri 05-Jul-13 12:13:13

Old Greyhound girl would be Mary Poppins. Elegant, quite prim and reserved with an almost magical effect on overwrought children, from stroppy teens to waily babies.
Young GH boy would be David Beckham, dim, pretty, loves his children and great at football.

GrimmaTheNome Fri 05-Jul-13 11:55:28

Also, self-heating hot water bottle.

Vibbe Fri 05-Jul-13 11:37:23

She would be a nanny or gardener.

She loves kids. Some of the kids in the neighbourhood will run over and hug her - and she loves it. If there are loads of kids in the local park, she'll sit there and look at them for ages.

When out, she'll pick up cones (it can take a while, as she usually wants several and is spending some time finding the best ones) and sticks and chewing gum and puts it somewhere else the cones often end up in her bed The other day, she moved a 2 metre branch from the path onto the grass. Surely, it must to ensure the old ladies don't trip on it...

Mattress tester could also be a job she'd be good at.
Or she'd be one of those nosy receptionists that hug people when coming in and will talk too much about herself. And who wont answer the phone as she's too busy chewing gum.

moosemama Fri 05-Jul-13 11:28:57

Lurcherboy would be one of those living statue street performers. It's incredible how long he can lie in one position without moving! grin

Either that or ball boy at a tennis club - although they might have a job getting the balls back again.

(He has two settings - on walk 200 mile an hour ball chasing and horizontal. grin)

Floralnomad Fri 05-Jul-13 11:14:05

My terrier would either be in garden clearance ,as he can destroy a garden in minutes or a tennis player so that he could indulge his love of tennis balls .

Fraggle78 Fri 05-Jul-13 11:01:52

Big dog would be a nightclub bouncer.

Little dog would be a kids tv presenter - one of the really irritating incessantly cheerful ones. Or a charity mugger.

MagratGarlik Fri 05-Jul-13 10:41:38

My lurcher would be a retired supermodel/pop star who has seen a little too much party life (she distinctly perks up when there is beer around and takes an unhealthy interest in cigarette butts on her walks).

Our whippy would be a teenage layabout who spends most of his time lolling around sleeping and then periodically springing up saying, "OK what are we doing, I'm bored. Someone dooooo something". He also seems to think that a friendly greeting towards lurcher girl is to nibble her back legs. He needs to refine his chat-up lines grin

LtEveDallas Fri 05-Jul-13 09:52:33

MuttDog would be unemployed.

Her hoarding issues would preclude her from working - she just couldn't leav eher 'stash' grin

mistlethrush Fri 05-Jul-13 09:43:48

Mine's a rough lurcher... Supermodel with pest extermination (insects as well as small furies) on the side.

GrimmaTheNome Fri 05-Jul-13 09:37:41

I think he'd like a job as a receptionist - the sort who makes people feel unwelcome. And then is very nosy as to what their business is.

His other occupation is Lawn Ornament.

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