Ancient Lab and stubborn husband

[Ladyflip]

Don't know whether I should post this in AIBU or Relationships but in the end thought advice from those with the dog's interests at heart would be best.
We have an ancient labrador (15.5) who is showing signs of age. He suffers with a skin condition and is covered in open sores which are treated and heal individually but then start somewhere else. He also has bad arthritis which means his mobility is impaired. He doesn't go out for walks any more but on a warmer nicer day he will go for a stroll around the garden (it is large). He is still quite interested in life and is very keen on eating still. (He is a lab). Despite having a lovely kennel outside, he has moved indoors since before last winter to help him a bit. He now lives in my kitchen.
Whilst the above on their own would be manageable, in the last week he has
-peed on the sofa when the cleaner left the kitchen door open
-peed on the carpet without asking to go out
-pooed on the floor four or five times.

My DH is a farmer and so works very long hours. Therefore it is left to me to clean up after him. I would leave it to DH but we have two young DCs and I don't think its healthy to leave it lying around. I think that in view of his assorted problems, reduced quality of life, but particularly because of the soiling, that "the time" has now come for the vet to come on the final visit. The dog and my DH were together before he met me and TBH I have never quite known who he (DH) loves more. I have tried to bring this up delicately, then lost my temper, then tried discussion, but at every step I am being stonewalled by DH. He just hangs up the phone or has even said that what I think doesn't matter because it is his dog. He has also said that its my fault because I'm not letting him out quick enough or making sure that he does something when he is out. I think that if his dog is old and he wants to keep him then he should be the one making the effort to look after him according to his needs.

Sorry for the long post; does anyone have any suggestions as to how to resolve the impasse?

[fanoftheinvisiblebigredman]

I would suggest consulting a vet for their opinion. I your dog were mine I think I would be questioning quality of life now. It is never an easy decision.

[Ladyflip]

Thank you for your suggestion. We have a routine visit from the vet due so I may ask him to take a look.

[Floralnomad]

Only you and your husband really know whether the dog has a reasonable quality of life but from your OP it sounds like your issues with him are purely the incontinence. Many elderly dogs become a bit incontinent and that alone is not a reason to PTS . TBH if he eats well and can still get around without being in pain ( that distresses him) he sounds to me like he has a reasonable quality of life and I wouldn't be having him PTS . At his age he's not going to go on much longer realistically so can you not just put up with it for a bit .

[ImperialSantaKnickers]

DH of course is never going to be there to see that poor old Lab no longer has time to ask to go out, so you're not going to win with that argument. Fan's idea about the vet can only work if DH is present, so you need to make sure he's home on that occasion. Not easy I appreciate - DP was still farming when we met so I know how long the hours can be. He also came with a cat, which he refused to contemplate having put to sleep when she became doubly incontinent.
Is it possible to confine the dog to rooms with easily cleaned floors? I'm assuming your cleaner won't be leaving the kitchen door open again! It may be better for the sake of long term marital harmony to buy plenty of rubber gloves and disinfectant... and as "Floral" says, it is likely that nature will take its course fairly soon.

[laptopcomputer]

I would ask the vet too. Is it you or DH who takes the dog to the vet? But 15.5 is a great age for a lab and dogs that age can deteriorate rapidly so the deision may be made easier soon. Your Dh sounds very sweet to be so devoted to his old dog :-(

[LoveDogs]

We have the same problem we've had our current dog since birth as she was one our dogs puppies, her mum passed away 4 years ago when she was 14, it was quite sudden and a shock as she had a heart attack, but it was good in a way because she was a happy dog up until the end and apart from being on meds for incontince she was a healthy dog.

Now we have her daughter who is at the age of 14, in a way we thought that she might go the same way, but she has more health issues than her mum did, we now think its time but my brother will not hear of it, which I can understand to a point because we grew up with her, but he's not the one who has to deal with her and her ways.

Anyway we've decided to leave it and see how things go.

If its only the accidents he's having I can't see that's a bad enough reason for you to PTS, I agree with Floralnomad only you and your husband know what his quality of life is like.

[Ladyflip]

Thank you for your wisdom. It seems I'm going to have to deal with the fallout, so to speak!! Will invest in more marigolds and disinfectant.
This afternoon, we had some visitors who left the gate open. Blooming dog only got out and was gne for a good hour and a half....as they say, there's life in the old dog yet. He does still have a reasonable quality of life even with his problems and I really don't know how my lovely if slightly stubborn DH will cope if/when anything does happen. Thank you all for your time. Have told DH about this thread and he's very pleased you all agree with him.