New puppy - I am going to write a book (sorry long post)

[punter]

I have loved reading these threads, especially those re new puppy. We have had our lab puppy for nearly 3 weeks, he is 10 weeks old. Second jab not until Monday so cannot take him out walking yet.
I am exhausted. So much attention required, I reckon it is like having first baby, everybody tells you it is going to be tough but somehow noone tells you how tough. Got all the books, tried to make house puppy proof (hah) and primed children, DH and neighbours. then Monty arrived. Sweet looking pup. Saving grace is that he sleeps all night through in huge crate with no mess or whining. But MY book will cover the following aspects:

How to persuade DH this was a good idea.
How to stop playbiting and tugging even when standing still like an idiot for 5 mins
How to cope with, although you take him out every hour to perform (and he does) when he comes back in he can perform all over again
How to stop 5 year ds screaming blue murder if puppy (on a house lead) even looks at him
Prolonged use of tea tree oil to cover scratches on feet and arms
What is dangerous to eat? Does this cover all my plants (indoor and garden), small stones, branches, leaves and soil?
Why cant I sit down without being leapt upon? If I am standing this is acceptable. So I eat, read the paper and dog care books, watch the tv standing up.
When I play a game of fetch, or hide the treat, it is over in 30 seconds when he finds another shoe or boot to chew.
ny more ideas for topics fellow puppy people? (I don't says owners as I think they own us)

[WTFwasthat]

what about the impact it has on your lives inasmuch as you have to build it around the furbaby? i wasn't braced for the feelings that went with the practicalities!

[fanoftheinvisibleman]

Definitely need a section on how to cross a room whilst avoiding the attention of a land shark!

[tabulahrasa]

How to train other people not to encourage unwanted behaviours in 3 sections, family, visitors and random people in the street.

[LoveDogs]

'How to persuade DH this was a good idea'
Most men will say I told you so when the pup plays up, but as soon as their trained they love them, but they'll still pretend they don't - this is IME.

'What is dangerous to eat'
Almost everything when it comes to dogs, it's almost as if they know they're not to have it, so then go hunting for it, our small Ddog was sick the other day, guess what came up.....a nectarine stone, SCARY! I didn't even know she could swallow something sooo BIG.

[spudballoo]

What a great idea. My puppy (now 8 months) has really been 'easy' as puppies go (never had an accident, just held on all night, slept all night, didn't really chew anything much etc). But oh my GOD it was such a shock having a puppy, I thought I'd prepared myself for it but I hadn't realised how exhausting it would be, and how all consuming. He's just hitting his teenage years and I'm having a few problems with him, just when I thought he'd settled in to being Grown Up Dog he's turned in to Problem Dog.

I could suggest the following for you book:

How to deal with the inevitable Dog Regret
How to leave your house without being held hostage by Sad Looking Dog
What to do when luring Sad Looking Dog in to kitchen/prision (depending on your viewpoint) with a treat doesn't work any more
Stuff you will need: stain/odour remover, bitter apple spray, copious amounts of gin etc
How to set up a monthly direct debit to the vet/pet shop. Suggest 90% of disposable income, that should be about right.
How to disguise holes in your clothes. Holes will get higher as puppy grows. Possibly could be passed off as a fashion statement?

Etc etc etc. Seriously, if I had my time again I would not get a puppy. I got a puppy as I had some misguided idea that my cats might take better to a puppy than a fully grown dog. Wrong. And that my children would do better with a puppy that we could train etc. Wrong again. The children pretty much hated him at first and the 7yo begged me to send him back, they hated the mouthing/jumping up etc. Next time I'm getting an old boy or girl from a rescue who can sleep on my feet all day and go 'humph' ever ytime it turns around or gets up.

Stay sane puppy lovers....

[LadyTurmoil]

I was just thinking this yesterday after reading WTF and doublemocha's posts. All the puppy books on the market now are presumably written by dog experts, so they can give you all the correct "technical" advice but I've never seen one that really goes into the emotional turmoil and upheaval. Would be very useful! As my DH goes into a frenzy when I mention dogs, his latest was when I tried to offer a compromise of being a fosterer, it looks like I'll never be able to have one but I would never go for a puppy..

[HoneyDragon]

Puppys are excellent to have with children. They are a pita and help to raise responsible dog owners of the future.

Puppies are rewarding. Puppies are arses but one day they end up your very best friend.

Puppies smell lovely. And puppyhood is short in the grand scheme of things.

There is no other baby animal you can call a fucknugget to it's face and still love it.

Puppies always take your side in spousal disagreements. Always.

[Blackpuddingbertha]

But surely you've missed out the section on house redecoration? I need a information on how to replace skirting board that has been chewed please.

[punter]

Thanks for the extra thoughts and issues. I would also like to add

non wearing of bangles, watches, necklaces and scarves because they are a source of tug of war games
the first growl - at you - bit worrying
placing of items further and further back on the worktop
that blissful moment (just like with a baby) when they are asleep by your feet and look so gorgeous and peaceful
the Kong that is supposed to entertain them for ages - mm just 10 seconds actually

Any more? I shall write this book/[pamphlet even if I have to do it a midnight when puppy asleep. Btw, why do all the pictures in puppy training books (including the excellent Perfect Puppy one) show smiling, well dressed women doing all the training? No holey jeans and jumpers there.
Keep going puppy owners.

[LetThereBeCupcakes]

I love my dogs to bits but never, ever will I get another puppy. Our second dog is an ex-puppy-farm breeder with all kinds of baggage and she has still been less trouble than our boy! I spent most of his puppy-hood willing him to grow up!

Anyway, my suggestions would be:

• Where to buy long-sleeved tops to protect your arms.
  
• Teething: Frozen Fruit is your Friend
  
• Discipline: Sometimes older dogs will do it to your pup and that's FINE!
  
• Adolescence: When they forget everything you ever taught them, but they WILL get through it.
  
• The 10-foot-Rule: If they can reach it, it's theirs (probably applies more to labs and untidy husbands).
  

Can't wait to read the finished book!

[punter]

New problem - can anyone help? 12 week old lab puppy has started to jump up on sitting down husband, licking face and play biting. He has told him no and tried to put him down. Still jumps again, husband shouts louder - you get the picture. Now puppy is barking at him and it is a bit scary. We had the 'it's me or the dog' ultimatum this morning, half joking. I am primary carer and puppy does not do this to me although he will jump up to get attention sometimes. That is normal but I do not like this aggressive barking at husband.

[tabulahrasa]

It's not aggression - it's attention seeking...a toddler having a tantrum because you won't play with him and by getting shouty your DH is amping up the excitement, your puppy is just shouting back.

Has he been taught off? Or is your DH expecting the puppy to psychically know he's not allowed up and to understand English like my DP does, lol

[SpicyPear]

Yes he's not being excited, he just wants to play. And he won't understand shouting no! it's much more effective to outside the behaviour you want. E.g. ignore jumping then praise/treat when all four paws on the floor and quiet. For play biting i divert him to a toy. Does your husband make some time to play with him so they can bond?

I would recommend the compete idiots guide to positive dog training, which was recommended to me on here. Has a good section on why it's generally a bad idea to use no and explains what to do instead.

[SpicyPear]

I meant not being aggressive!

[punter]

tabulahrasa - exactly, every puppy comes with an in depth knowledge of the english language according to DH so understands completely when told 'please get down I am trying to watch TV and have a cuppa'. I came home last night after just 2 hours away from the house to find DH shouting SIT in a very loud voice and dog barking back at him. Sigh

[tabulahrasa]

My puppy's 17 weeks now, but I caught DP telling him to go and lie down at 8 weeks, the tiny puppy that we'd had for days and was still trying to learn his name...I mean seriously? Lol