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Please help - finding this tough!

(90 Posts)
doublemocha Wed 07-Nov-12 10:21:46

Please help/encourage me!

We have had our new puppy since Saturday. He's lovely and sweet and hard work obviously.

I need some help with crate training. On the advice of our breeder and friends with well behaved dogs and specifically close friends with a Vizsla (our puppys sister from a previous litter) we decided to do the 'tough it out at night' method. We don't want him upstairs.

Well, I have hardly slept since Saturday and desperately unsure what's the right thing to do.

First night we did go down to him but he wanted to play at 1.30pm, DH not impressed, ended up soothing him to sleep so bad move. The night after he got out as DD hadn't shut the bottom latch and pooed all over the floor then slept on my coat. Monday night was tough. Last night, he was super tired as he had been over with our friends Vizsla playing (they live over the road). Went to bed at 9.30pm (couldn't keep him awake). We woke at 11pm and cried for 90 minutes, then woke on and off all night but cried for 10-15 minutes. I got up with him at 5.15am as he was quiet then and I didn't want him to be crying when we went down. he hadn't wee'd or pooed.

Big play session, food etc, toilet etc now he's howling in his crate.

Been out for an hour to do some chores and he's still howling, although think he did have a sleep.

I am so tired and confused about what to do. My house is a tip, I can't get any work done, confused as to how often to play with him etc etc. I have even got angry with him and shouted, which I am ashamed of.

Please don't flame me, I am so tired and down, I don't even feel like I even like him........

I need him to be crate trained so i can go out etc.

WTFwasthat Sun 11-Nov-12 20:45:21

charlearose- what a great post. Everytime I have a minor wobble i remind myself that Max is happy, well cared for, loved and he is not judging me! Hope op reads this :-)

charlearose Sun 11-Nov-12 19:35:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

charlearose Sun 11-Nov-12 19:32:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WTFwasthat Sun 11-Nov-12 08:56:58

How's it going DoybleMocha? I had a surge of WtF have I done today!!

JaxTellerIsMyFriend Sat 10-Nov-12 09:15:16

keep going DM it will all work out. relax. grin

LadyTurmoil Fri 09-Nov-12 16:41:03

doublemocha SO pleased to read your post earlier today. How nice of DH to sleep downstairs with him, as he's not been feeling as his best recently himself, and how great that he feels more positive about it all now. How lovely it must have been to get a decent night's sleep! Really glad for you and fingers crossed for another quiet night Don't forget some of this wine smile

catsrus Fri 09-Nov-12 07:20:40

Brilliant :-) once he knows he's "home" then he will get more and more comfortable with being left alone.

WTFwasthat Fri 09-Nov-12 07:11:32

doublmocha - glad to hear it! If u are anything like me you will still have moments of doubt and anxiety - mine is based on leaving him in his crate while i pop out, I constantly feel as ifbi am racing against the clock and I hate that!

TantrumsAndBalloons Fri 09-Nov-12 06:45:42

I'm really pleased for you. You see, it's going to be ok.
Relax and have fun, puppies are amazingly good fun.
Stroppy, rebellious adolescent dogs who forget everything you ever taught them, however are not so much fun.

<glares at *LittleDog>

doublemocha Fri 09-Nov-12 06:37:55

Quick update!

We are all bonded! DH slept downstairs with him last night, not a peep from him and is completely on board, loves him to pieces. That was half the battle tbh, feeling the guilt of bringing him into the house. And being knackered!!!

DH alarm went off at 5.15am which woke him but he sat in his crate chewing. Toilet break, small cuddle with DH and he's asleep on DH's sleeping bag. DH can't wait for the weekend to be with him. He just needed a few days to accept the changes.

I love him more each time I look at him.

You guys are right, I always want to do it the 'right' way, but the right way is what's right for us, I realise that now.

I also left him for 40 mins last night and went to our friends for a drink, he didn't seem to mind.

Just want to voice my appreciation for those who posted understanding messages and advice, I needed to hear it yesterday!


WTFwasthat Thu 08-Nov-12 22:00:42

tantrums good advice

TantrumsAndBalloons Thu 08-Nov-12 21:05:50

I don't play with mine all day either!

Although to be fair, I am probably the worst person to give advice on crating as mine sleep upstairs.

Honestly, you really seem to be so anxious.

I think you have to do what feels right to you rather than focusing on whether everyone else thinks you are doing it right

If you want the dog to sleep in a crate, carry on with what you are doing. If you want the dog to sleep in the utility room, or in your bed, it's ok. It's up to you.

If you want to take the dog in the car, do it however works best for you.
If you want to chat away to the dog all day, yes, also fine.

I take my dogs to work with me, LittleDog since he was 4 months old. Everyone chats away to them. It's lovely.

Just try and relax. Try not to worry if you are doing it the right way.
Try and enjoy it a bit.

WTFwasthat Thu 08-Nov-12 20:49:49

I Certainly don't play with pup all day. I chat a bit and interact with training etc and i wave a toy at him to have a game of tuggy. He seems very happy about his level of care though smile

Inthepotty Thu 08-Nov-12 17:20:55

OP, calm down! I know it seems overwhelming, but puppies aren't really the hardest thing in the world.

Pop him in crate when u need too, play with/small training sessions when you want too. Make sure food and toileting needs are met and adopt a benign neglect policy!

Basically I agree with Daisy.

JaxTellerIsMyFriend Thu 08-Nov-12 15:57:29

It sounds like what you did this afternoon is perfect.

When you are at home, I wouldnt close the crate door all the time - I sometimes shut it, but didnt lock it.

Remember to give a 'command' when you are toileting - busy, be quick, whatever you want to call it. grin and gentle smiley praise "good busy" when they do their business.

Floralnomad Thu 08-Nov-12 15:25:51

Personally if you are at home and there is no need to have the crate closed I would leave it open , however I'm not a crate user so others would be able to give better advice. With regards to the showing Him stuff I wouldn't get to hung up on it at the moment ,there is plenty of time for that when you can take him out . BTW a Halti training lead is a good thing to get , it was the one our puppy trainer recommended. I think sometimes you can over think things , as I've said on a previous thread my DH agreed to get a dog on the Thursday and we bought pup home from Battersea on the Sunday so there was no time to really prepare or worry . In a way I think that was a good thing and my dog is very well adjusted.

doublemocha Thu 08-Nov-12 15:16:09


For those who slept downstairs in some capacity, did you just quietly say shush when puppy woke and after a toilet break, no lights or fuss etc. How did you 'withdraw', just move yourself slowly further away or, decide they were settled and go back upstairs?

Many thanks

doublemocha Thu 08-Nov-12 15:11:52


Thanks for your supportive messages. When you are on your own and tired, it's lovely to have people to 'chat' to!

doublemocha Thu 08-Nov-12 15:04:48

I don't want an argument, really I don't. I read Ceasar Milan (!), Gwen Bailey, Ian Dunbar. They all say different stuff and even on this infomative and supportive place (The Doghouse) there's a myriad of opinion.

For example, Gwen Bailey suggests taking pup home on your knee a cuddling etc during the drive, so he can go to sleep. I took wipes, a toy, rag from mum, blanket. Was that not prepared? She doesn't say what to do when the puppy wriggles and moves up down and round for the entire journey! Cesar suggests a different method. It's hard for a newbie.

I took out to the garden immediately. I had prepared the crate, fed him there, left the door open etc. Pehaps tried too hard to be upbeat and excitable.

I have been carrying him around to let him see stuff, been to see our friends vaccinated dogs etc. Trying to let him see various situations etc.

Perhaps mentally I wasn't prepared for the reality.

In addition, it's hard to know the reality. ie - this afternoon, we played in the garden for 20 minutes, I let him sniff around a lot too. I took him up the street to let him see traffic etc. He wriggled like mad!

I then toileted him but then had a bit of a tug with him on our broom which he loves then pottered round the kitchen and he's found a bullystick (dried bulls willy) which he also loves and let him chew by himself. He took himself to his bed in his crate and is now asleep. Would that be appropriate?

If I am not around when he wakes up, he will worry a bit. I wonder whether to close the crate or not, I haven't.

Thanks Lady, maybe I will be in a position to provide advice in a few months!

I am sorry your DD is unwell Floral and thanks for your kind words.

Floralnomad Thu 08-Nov-12 14:47:37

In the end it was pressure from our DD that made him cave , she hadn't been well ( still isn't ) and he just conceded . He then wanted a Westie and was persuaded to come to Battersea and ended up with a X Patterdale , so nothing really went his way . Having said that he loves him now , although he won't admit it ( we have photographic evidence ) .

LadyTurmoil Thu 08-Nov-12 14:31:56

Sorry, but Rhinestone doesn't seem to get it that you might have wanted a dog (for years sometimes), read all the right books, like DoubleMocha, but like many things in life, things don't turn out they way you had visualised them, just like children! I'm glad to see that others are more understanding about the situation and I'm sure you will settle into more of a routine and everything will seem better for you and not so overwhelming. All my best wishes to you in the few days/week. floralnomad I'm interested to see that your DH wasn't keen, mine isn't either - how did you persuade him??

Floralnomad Thu 08-Nov-12 14:11:10

Hi , I think I'd be tempted to try the utility room . Also re the car , I have a new car it's got seat covers on and I have a blanket that I put on the seat when the dog is in there . I don't open the window on his side as that encourages him to try and stick his head out . On nice days I take him out in my sons car which is older and he's allowed to stand with his head out of the window! I do think its very stressful at first , especially if the whole family are not as on board as they could be . My DH didn't really want a dog at all and although he loves him now at the beginning it was entirely up to me to deal with him . The thing to remember is it does improve quickly ( way quicker than children) and stop worrying so much , do what is right for your family and your pup - he won't break !

Rhinestone Thu 08-Nov-12 13:12:48

doublemocha I've tried my best to help you and give you some honest advice to help you and your pup. I don't really get the vibe from you that my advice is wanted or appreciated so am going to leave this thread.

Read your earlier posts back and I'm afraid you don't come across as someone who was prepared for any puppy, let alone that breed. Some of the questions you're asking are very basic and any puppy training book would have contained the answers. Of course I believe that you did do all that research, just saying your posts don't come across that way.

Good luck and I sincerely wish you and pup many happy years together.

doublemocha Thu 08-Nov-12 13:03:11

Nor is having children but how much stress do they cause?!

Rhinestone Thu 08-Nov-12 12:59:48

It's NOT fun, Rhinestone when you're completely stressed with worries about if you're doing things right - crate, food, housetraining, husband, children - they all seem to be insurmountable problems when you're stressed/tired and have a busy life full of things to deal with.

LadyTurmoil - you do know that getting a dog isn't compulsory don't you?

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