I don't want a dog!(59 Posts)
DD (who is very persuasive) and DH are keen to get a dog, I'm not. They're looking at rescue centres.
DH is an experieced dog owner and works predominantly from home, which of course is ideal. DD is renowned for being enthusiastic about pets then loosing interest.
One of my main concerns is that I leave the house much earlier than everyone else at 06:30, no one else is up. I don't want to have to get involved with anything that wants feeding, walking or attention at that hour.
Am I worrying unnecessarily?
No. At the very least you'll have to let the dog out before you go (if DH is still in bed). If you have a puppy, you'd need to do a lot more than that....it's like having a toddler loose; you have to watch them constantly and it would be difficult to take a shower, have your coffee etc. with a wide-awake puppy (our older dog goes back to bed with no problem after her morning pee though). I'm assuming DH will walk/feed/train the dog during the day?
reluctantly consider an older dog as I know how much work a puppy would be.
DH would attend to the dog's needs in the day but isn't the best at getting up in the morning. He says my arguement is spurious and I wouldn't need to do anything in the morning for the dog, I am sceptical and imagined it would need letting out in the morning.
DH does the school run but DD has to get him up!
I have,,just realised I have been unfair to DH, he gets up when my alarm goes off at 05:40 and makes me a cup of tea so he could let the dog out then couldn't he?
it is hard hard work! There is absolutely no way that you would be completely free of doggy tasks even if your other half swears he will do it all. It is virtually impossible to ignore a dog!
Just another thought, I wanted a dog and am finding it REALLY tough (a puppy so lots of work). If you don;t actually want one then you will find it ridiculously difficult and you will very likely get resentful. I would dig your heels in and say NO
DH gets up before me and has very little time in the mornings. We have an older rescue dog. All DH has to do is let him out for a wee and that's it- no feeding, walk or faffing. Dog goes back to sleep until I get up- sometimes he doesn't even get up when DH does, but stays upstairs with me.
But the benefits are.....
Weekend walks with all the family, stopping to climb trees etc....
A mate for your dd ( I nearly cried when my ds said to my puppy 'Now we're going to search for earwigs'.....) and went off down the garden with her....
Now five years on, and I am sitting here with TWO dogs and they are leaning against me, watching the TV.
Dh persuaded me to let him get a dog, I agreed on the understanding I wouldn't have to do alot for it and he'd take charge. Dh feeds, waters, walks and cleans poo up . I'm the one who has to clean up after the dog (hairs/muddy floors etc), I'm the one who has to clean up 'accidents' in the house as I finish work 3 hours before dh. I'm the one that has to apologise to the neighbours for the dog barking when we're out. I didn't really want a dog before and she is a lovely lovely dog but I do wish he hadn't got her
I've been saying 'No' for 10 years now.
DS (15) would quite like one but isn't that bothered.
DD (11) and DH are ganging up on me. DD spent the evening drawing a picture of a dog she's seen on the Dog Trust website and has now stuck it up on the lounge wall.
I'm trying to get her to back off a bit, it's getting unbearable.
Tough call. On a day to day basis, than no getting a dog isn't a major issue for you.
impromptu days out can't happen
you need to decide now what you will do about holidays / visiting family.
you will have the dog still once dc have left home. An elderly dog at that too.
I think your dh need to stop romanticising and decide what he plans to do over the next 10 years, what you plan to do over the next 10 years and ask honestly whether a dog fits in with that.
I would want a written and signed guarantee that your morning routine will not be effected because OH will tend to the dog while you get ready to leave for work.
This is not because I don't want dogs, it's just experience with my OH speaking here.
Also, as has been said, he needs to decide what he will do with the dog when you go on holiday, visits family etc. Also how he plans to pay for the extra costs that come with owning a dog. How he is going to keep said dog out of your way when at home, say cooking-would you want the dog in the kitchen/dinning room or not?
Your dh gets up at 5.40 to make you a cup of tea?
Let the man have a dog, he deserves a bloody medal
DP's a reluctant dog owner, I'm the doggy one. My last dog died nearly 2 years ago and I'll have a puppy in a couple of weeks, DP will only have to feed or take the dog out if I'm not here (as with the last one) and while it's tiny and house training, let it in the garden if he's up before me.
That only works really though, because I'm always here, lol, all the walking and training is down to me and because DP works long hours and I'm the one doing all the house stuff all the other incidental inconveniance comes down to me anyway.
I honestly have to say that ALL the family have to be aboard the 'getting a dog' train. Otherwise resentment happens.
What about holidays? Who will look after the dog? Can you afford kennels? Can you afford vet fees, insurance, food, vaccinations, microchip, and someone to help with training/behaviour?
How many days out do you go on where the dog cant come? Theme parks for example - or visiting people who dont want dogs in their home...
All these things have to be considered and thought about. Far too many people get a dog on a whim or fall for the big, sad eyes on rescue sites and dont think about when it chews the carpet/skirting board/ childs ipod or has an upset tummy or just the general hair in the house.
I am not trying to put you off, I have 2 large dogs here which I love and we all take care of their needs, whether it is feeding, walking, grooming - but most of their care falls to me.
There are far too many people who get a dog, dont realise how much work it is and then put it in rescue.
I've been in the same situation but from the opposite side. Me and dd persuaded dh to get a dog. He has next to zero involvement with the dog.
He doesn't walk it, doesn't feed it, he will let her in the garden if she's asking to go out and I'm not about. He gets up at 6am, before I do. Dog ignores him and he ignores the dog. Dogs are clever, mine knows that DH isn't the person who makes a fuss of her, feeds her, etc so she can't be bothered to get up to greet him. He certainly wouldn't walk her.
Having a dog does implicate on dh, he says the house smells doggy, we currently have fleas (though I'm blaming the cat), dog digs up the lawn. These things drive DH mad and he rants at me a bit. I feel guilty. Saying that DH is softening towards the dog and I've caught him giving her a pat a few times now - but we've had her 3 years! I know that I can never expect him to walk her. He would top her food bowl up if I was out and she was hungry. But I tend to do it before I go to work so he doesn't have to.
And yes days out are a pain. We're going to visit MIL today - dog has to come as its so far away. She'll have to stay in the car with the windows open, its safe to do it where she is luckily. But I'll have to keep going out to let her out to stretch her legs.
We are quite lucky in that our van doubles as a kennel and has windows in the roof. It doesn't heat up like a car. Cars are no place for anything with a pulse in the heat. In our household I sort out the training/behaviour things and the insurance. We all share walks, dh gets the food, we share vet things/vaccinations, I make sure we have enough flea/worm treatment for everyone. A dog is a huge commitment - a bit like having another child. If there is any thought in your mind that you might re-home a member of the family, don't add to it.
The reason it worked fine with the last dog and that I'm happy to simply persuade DP this time is that because of DPs work at the moment, I do 100% of childcare and housework, I'm the the one dealing chewed things or the after effects of digging or the fur and the doggy smelling house. I'm the one sorting out dog sitters and babysitters.
Previously with different work hours DP did do more around the house, but it was still mostly me...
So if you're not happy to do things that are dog related, but it will end up falling to you because of how your partnership works - you need to be realistic about that.
I'm not promising DP that I'll be doing anything that I'm not already responsible for and that's what I think makes it workable.
Oh and he's reluctant - not anti dog, he was very fond of my last dog, quite happy to stroke him, play with him and go for family walks, he just doesn't like the work part of looking after a dog, lol
My DH is also not very interested in our two dogs (one only 10 weeks old) we do enjoy walking with the dogs and I often work at the weekend and he will walk the one that walks and he obviously feeds them when I'm not around but he would ultimately prefer to be dog free. I think the housework/mess side is something you need to think about. My DH doesn't know one end of a hoover from the other, ditto the mop does yours? Dogs make a mess hair and mud everywhere. Are you house proud? I not so I'm not bothered and i love having the dogs so I don't care but if I didn't really want a dog and was even a little house proud then the dogs would drive me mad. Also dogs aren't cheap to keep, whose paying for it, are you already scarping to make ends meet? We don't have a joint account I go out to work and how I choose to spend my money is up to me, I work when I want, when I was buying a new puppy for a few weeks before it arrived I worked a few extra day.
Wow, lots more input - thanks!
Fisharefriends, you've got a point. He does go straight back to bed though.
DH and I have always pooled our resources since we married, he used to earn more than me, I spent some time at home when DCs were tiny, I currently earn slightly more but we've always seen wages as 'our money' and will continue to do so, therefore we will both be paying for it, I'm OK with that.
I'm very conscious of the impact a dog has on your freedom, I don't think they are. There is no plan, that I'm aware of, of what will happen to the dog when we go on holiday.
I'm more house proud than DH, but that's saying nothing, neither of us are really. If it wasn't for our dear cleaner we'd be in squalor!
I'm out of the house from 06:30 to about 17:30, five days a week. DH, as I've said, works predominantly from home and can get a bit lonely when the DCs are at school.
I've said 'yes' BTW but DH is backtracking now saying it will be 'too stressful' for me, I think he wants me to sit up and beg for the dog now, or more likely I'm supposed to be enthusiastic but, I'm not. How do I get round this one?
Just say "oh well, if you're not bothered then that's fine".
I don't want one either and I think I narrowly dodged a bullet today - MIL was talking about what would happen when her elderly fox terrier finally bites the dust, and whether or not she would get a new one, or perhaps we would. DS (4.8) jumped on the "Well I'd like a dog" bandwagon - but he prefers the idea of dogs to the actuality of them, he gets a bit nervous around dogs, especially jumpy ones. I know DH would like one but I also know, absolutely, that I would end up doing all the work and I don't want to. I have enough troubles looking after the guineapigs (which I do, fret not!) - and I'm 33w pg - I absolutely do not want a dog and I made that VERY clear to MIL, especially when she started wittering about some puppies at the local petshop. I just know she was thinking of getting us one - a couple of years ago she was going to buy us a miniature pony for the garden - FFS!! I talked her out of that too.
lease, please DON'T get a dog unless you and your DH are 100% committed. Have you thought of the many ways your family could have more doggy involvement without being actual dog owners?
Many charities allow you to sponsor a dog - in some cases you can even visit them, get regular updates, photos, etc. Most local rescue charities are crying out for volunteers - DD could do dog walking or lots of other voluntary activities. This would also be a very good way of testing her commitment - nice to walk in the summer, not so nice on a wet February morning when it's freezing cold.
DD could also consider going along to things like dog training classes, or helping to show dogs for a friend, there are many dog related activites she could do. There are also wonderful charities like the Cinnamon Trust - by walking for them you would be helping an elderly person as well as the dog.
Lastly, rather than the commitment of dog ownership, how about fostering? You would give the dog a home, and in return the charity pays for all vets bills, expenses etc. Family foster homes are very valuable as they allow charities to rehome dogs with experience of family living. Foster placements can be short or long term - you call the shots and the charity will be careful to place dogs with you suitable for your levels of experience. If you have a particular preference you can specify breeds - we do greyhounds and we currently have one long term foster girl with us and two short/medium term dogs - it's lovely.
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