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I'm so angry about my friend

(28 Posts)
DogGoneMad Thu 15-Sep-11 15:52:58

so angry with her I've had to ignore her calls because I might say something I regret.

She and her husband have behaved so irresponsibly. Their dd has been begging for a dog. They went to look round a local dogs home (which is really a fucking pound) they came away with a dog that had only just been brought in. No quarantine or assessments!! They have 4 young children ffs!

A few days later they had to take the dog to the vets because it was clearly unwell. Turns out it had kennel cough.

One week later they decide a dog isn't for them because of the vets bills, chewing, shit etc and take the poor thing back to the bloody dogs home!!!

Poor dog! Been dumped at pound. Taken to a strange home. Then dumped back at pound. I can't imagine how stressed the poor thing has been.

Why the hell do people think it's ok to treat a dog like this?!

We have been friends for 10 years but don't think I can look her in the face again.

NevermindtheNargles Thu 15-Sep-11 15:59:11

Wow. There's a lot of it about unfortunately. I think that how people treat animals says a lot about them, I can understand you feeling like this.

NevermindtheNargles Thu 15-Sep-11 15:59:11

Wow. There's a lot of it about unfortunately. I think that how people treat animals says a lot about them, I can understand you feeling like this.

PGTip Thu 15-Sep-11 16:08:30

How would your friend know if a dog was going to fit into her family if she didn't get one? I understand to a degree why you're annoyed but I also understand where your friend is coming from. We have a dog, have had her for nearly 15 yes and I hate it. I don't hate the dog but I do hate having a dog and all that it entails. DH thinks animals are part of the family whereas I think animals are pets. I hate that my dc can't play on the carpet without getting covered in fur, no matter how much I vacuum, I hate that they can't just go and play in the garden without it being inspected and don't get me started on picking up shitangry. Kennel fees are so expensive but I'm not telling the dc we can't do what we want on holiday because of a dog! We camp btw so couldn't leave her in the tent while out.

Having a dog has definitely put me off ever having another one.

Sorry to jump on your thread.

DooinMeCleanin Thu 15-Sep-11 16:22:58

My Dad camps with his dogs with no problem at all (well one out of three. One is aggressive, the other is my sister's and she won't allow him to go). They are letting my kids take Whippy with them next year.

I completely understand why your are annoyed Op, I'd feel the same, but I am afraid that I wouldn't be able to not say anything. I couldn't be friends with someone who thought animals were disposable in this way.

PGTip, it's not that they realised the dog was not right it's that they risked taking an unknown and untested dog from a pound, thus risking their children and the life of the dog if it went wrong. When it did go wrong they were unwilling to put their money where their mouth is and get a trainer in to put things right, instead they returned the dog to the pound where he will, most likely, be killed. They couldn't even give their 'pet' the curteosy of finding a reputable no kill rescue.

I made the mistake of taking in a pound dog. I thought I was experienced enough to pick a 'good' dog. I was wrong. I have spent hundreds of £££ putting that mistake right. Every behaviouralist in town knows of my dog hmm. The pound will get him back over my dead body.

I'd be equally annoyed at someone who just realised that dog ownership was not for them. Why don't people think things through? It's fairly obvious, to even the most dim that if you get a dog it will shit in your garden, it will shed hair on your carpets, it is possible it will chew things, it will need vetinary care (kennel cough is cheap to treat btw), it will need training and it will not just settle in and adapt within a week or two. I despair of people sometimes, really I do sad

<gets down off high horse>

I pray the doggy gets a happy ending and someone else comes forward for him before it is too late, preferrably an experienced rescue. You should send your friend this. English dogs get 7 days, that is the only difference and in the words of DogsBestFriend, it's our taxes that pay for this angry.

PGTip Thu 15-Sep-11 16:26:33

We've never found a camp site that allows you to leave dogs on their own in a tent.

DooinMeCleanin Thu 15-Sep-11 16:32:25

Why would you need to leave your dog alone a in tent? There are plenty of activities you can do with your dog. Most holiday places have pubs that let you take your dog, parts of beaches where dogs are allowed. parks, outdoor paddling pools, woodland walks etc. My kids adore camping with the dogs, more they like holidays abroad with us. Kennel fees are factored into the cost of holiday, if we can't afford them, we don't go. Simples. My dogs are more important to me and give me far more than fancy holidays do.

PGTip Thu 15-Sep-11 16:59:32

Sorry Dooin but dogs aren't allowed everywhere and it would restrict what we want to do. We don't always want to go to the pubs that allow dogs, sometimes we are driving and just see a pub we like and decide to stop for lunch, if they don't allow dogs our plan is ruined and we then have to find somewhere that takes dogs whether we like the place or not. I resent paying kennel fees as it takes up money we could spend on our dc and ourselves having fun. As I said having a dog has put me off having a dog. But I like them.

Tchootnika Thu 15-Sep-11 17:57:17

Get back on your high horse, please, Dooin. What you say needs to be heard.

DogGoneMad - can you show this thread to your friend?

DogsBestFriend Thu 15-Sep-11 19:15:29

PGTips thank you for demonstrating so clearly why a decent rescue will never rehome to a family where not all adults are on board with the decision to own a dog.

I find your 'I'd rather spend money on me and the kids and having fun' attitude very distasteful and selfish but each to their own. Anyway, you asked:

"How would your friend know if a dog was going to fit into her family if she didn't get one?"

Had these idiots gone to a reputable rescue instead of a pound they would have been assessed and homechecked and the dog would have been completely assessed for suitability and safety as well as being vaccinated, neutered, wormed and vet checked.

And they'd probably have been turned down flat by any decent rescue.

Instead they walked into a pound, said, "I like the look of that one", paid their money and walked out with a (totally unsuitable) dog the same afternoon.

Or more to the point, they are the totally unsuitable ones, not fit to be dog owners - there's probably sod all wrong with the poor dog, there's certainly nothing in the OP to suggest so.

As a result of their purchase and rejection of this poor dog his chances of staying alive are now quite possible very slim.

DogGoneMad, all I can say is that my circle of friends would have been reduced by two after learning of their unkind, thoughtless stupidity, as would the number of people welcome in my home.

<<hands high horse back to Dooin >>

PGTip Thu 15-Sep-11 20:10:06

Actually our dog was from a rescue and we had a home visit, and at the time we all wanted a dog, but things change. However we are not so irresponsible that we would get rid of a dog we made a decision to home. My point is that having never had a dog before the I couldn't have known what it would be like, maybe the same is true of the OP's friends.

DogsBestFriend Thu 15-Sep-11 20:35:15

PGTips, yes things change but I wasn't talking about your original decision to adopt a dog, I was talking of how you feel now. And, truthfully, you wouldn't pass a homecheck with a reputable rescue if you felt as you do now and so it should be, for your sake and that of your marriage, for the sake of the example you would be setting to your DC about owning a dog and of course for the sake of the dog.

Naturally no novice can know what it's like to own a dog but a properly carried out homecheck and meetings with rescue prior to adoption would have enabled them to identify the most suitable dog for the applicants or perhaps say that the applicants aren't suitable candidates to own a dog. The better the assessment and checks, the less chance of the dog being returned or worse, taken to be PTS.

These checks and assessments allow rescue to tell of the joys, allay the applicant's fears and warn of the potential pitfalls of dog owning. A decent rescue will be there to offer support for the rest of the dog's life, meaning that when he chewed the DCs favourite toy rescue would be just a phone call away, advising on how to prevent it happening again and how not to punish the dog but instead how to train him. Instead these people took on an unassessed dog from a pound - into a house with 4 kids FFS shock angry - and when the dog chewed they had no-one to advise them and no professional support so they dumped him back in the pound.

DogsBestFriend Thu 15-Sep-11 20:36:17

Oops, sorry for re-naming you, PGTip! I see you only have one tip, not several! grin

limetrees Thu 15-Sep-11 20:41:42

I am writing this as a dog lover...

But perhaps try to cut friend a bit of slack? She didn't do it all deliberately - she went in rather naive and that wasn't wholly her fault, though I suppose she could have thought it through more carefully and done more research. The place she got the dog from shouldn't have given her the dog without interviews/checks and if that had taken place, she might not have taken the dog home in the first place.

PGTip Thu 15-Sep-11 21:06:28

Dogs - 1 Tip is enough grin

DogsBestFriend Thu 15-Sep-11 21:15:44

smile PGTiP.

Tchootnika Thu 15-Sep-11 21:17:08

DBF tips are awesome. One is never enough!

Midori1999 Thu 15-Sep-11 21:23:26

I wouldn'yt speak to them again either. Or rather, they probably wouldn't speak to me again after I'd told them what I thought...

I seem to have upset two of my new neighbours already. The first as they were going to let their un health tested Cav 'sow his oats; with some relatives cav. The other as their friend thought their cat was pregnant. Well, yes, if you're irresponsible enough to let them out unspayed, that tends ot happen.... angry

Surely anyway, if the dog has now been surrendered to the pound, they can put it to sleep right away if they feel like it? sad idiots! If people want a dog then I feel they have a responsibility to ensure it is from a reputable and reliable source and do their research to ensure that's what happens.

Tchootnika Thu 15-Sep-11 21:26:25

Quick question: why the pound and not a regular rescue centre?

DogsBestFriend Thu 15-Sep-11 22:05:29

Yes, Midori, a dog surrendered to the pound can be rehomed, sent to rescue or killed from the second he's handed over. A stray has 7 days in the UK before the pound may legally do that, in Ireland only 5 days. Often surrenders are quickly killed, especially if they are a hard to home breed - older, Bull Breeds, Greyhounds, etc or ill, even (or perhaps especially) only if they have kennel cough for as you know it's easy to treat with ABs but spreads like wildfire and it's cheaper to kill one dog than provide a kennel full with ABs.

Besides, a surrender is costly. Whereas a stray's keep is paid for by law by the local council - hence many councils who contract out instead of having their own stray kennels give the contract to boarding kennels who run a stray contract as a profitable sideline - a surrendered dog has no-one to pay for his keep except for the kennel owners so he's costing them money. sad

And as for a problem dog which is returned to kennels with a bad report and is thus definitely hard to rehome... that poor little bugger doesn't stand a chance. sad

GossipWitch Thu 15-Sep-11 22:29:22

I once had a dog, he wasn't great with 2yr old ds, he wasn't house trained (18 month old dog) even though previous owner said he was, and I realised very quickly that now my life has to revolve around the dog, I could no longer spend a day in the park with ds as I'd need to be back for dog, dog would need 2 walks a day (hyper dog), and I would need to poop scoop a lot, so I gave my dog to my mum who is a very good dog owner and he's now living a very happy life. I have never considered having another dog since even though I really like them, I know I'm not a good dog owner,and I wouldn't put my crap caring abilities on a dog. I now have two cats that own me.

SoftSheen Thu 15-Sep-11 22:59:24

Sorry to hijack the thread, but as someone who is considering getting a (first) dog sometime in the future how can I tell the difference between a rescue and a pound? For instance, I had a very good impression of WGAS (from where I got my cat), but I think I read on another thread that they are actually a pound rather than a rescue.

No-one should take on any animal unless they are willing to provide a good home for life. However, without expert advice it is difficult for a novice to decide on whether they are capable of providing a good home, especially in the case of a rescue animal which might have particular health or behavioral problems relating to its previous treatment.

Tchootnika Thu 15-Sep-11 23:06:53

SoftSheen - there are lots of independent animal rescues, as well as well known ones. (Dogs Trust, Mayhew Centre, Many Tears, All Dogs Matter, etc. all e.gs. of very good established ones - but there are others all over the country.)

Have a look at threads about rescues on here:
A good rescue should be rigorous in assessing you as a potential adopter, make sure dogs are neutered, innoculated, etc., should match you with a dog.

(Some) expertise should be apparent from the questions a good rescue centre will ask: i.e. about your commitments, home set up, previous experience, etc.

Any 'rescue' that doesn't ask you about these things isn't doing its job properly.

Do see previous threads, though, there's lots of good information in them.

SoftSheen Fri 16-Sep-11 20:27:57

Thanks for the advice- I think that we will probably go and talk to a few different rescues before we make a decision.

DizzyDummy Sun 18-Sep-11 22:55:29

Probably not relevant to this thread but it did remind me about a neighbour of mine a couple of years ago (and this will probably out me in RL but I am still bloody furious about it). She (the bloody bitch) got a dog from a rescue so she had an excuse to walk it with her best friends husband who also had a dog as she was having an affair with him. When he left his wife to move in with her she put the dog in a taxi, ON ITS FECKING OWN, and sent it to be put to sleep claiming it was aggressive, basically the dog had outlived it's use so she just sent it to be killed. 2 things piss me off, how DARE she do that to an innocent young dog and how could a vet put to sleep a dog based on the information of a clearly thick-as-pig-shit person. Sorry if this isn't very well written but I am so so so devastated that this lovely dog lost it's life because of a scummy human being.

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