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the husband or the dog??

(17 Posts)
joruth Fri 02-Sep-11 00:20:26

Feeling terrible, looking for sympathy.
After much persuasion and thought husband and 4 children persuaded me that we really, really needed a dog......found a beautiful lurcher at rescue centre and visited for a month. great with kids, gentle boy, terrible on the lead!
Now after 3 weeks at home where he has been ok though needed getting used to, husband has had enough disruption to his life and is f..ing and blinding and is making me take him back to the rescue centre ( this on the day when he has lectured DS1 on committment and not giving up on things.) have stood up to him all I can. Dreading the morning when will have to tell kids whose lives have been seriously disrupted and have been super supportive and not resented their time being taken away as I train the puppy (10 months). Want to crawl into a hole and die!!!!sadsad

DooinMeCleanin Fri 02-Sep-11 00:23:17

Don't take him back.

What problems are you/your husband having with the dog? We might be able to help with some training tips?

Your husband needs to grow up a bit, by the sounds of things.

BluddyMoFo Fri 02-Sep-11 00:27:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

joruth Fri 02-Sep-11 00:32:09

I am not a particularly doggy person but I think the dog has been remarkable for a recue dog who is 10 months old. I have crate trained him, taught him to pee on command, taught sit, wait, lie down, he now lets the humans exit and enter rooms before him.....not bad for a baby from kennels. His lead walking is terrible...trying to teach him to heel and to ignore other dogs and fluffy things...vv dif for me, have booked on training course to help....he sometimes barks at night and has separation anxiety during day which I am gradually trying to sort.

Husband problem is long standing...very emotionally immature, he does bully and is very difficult to live with. i spend a lot of time with the kids explaining what is happening and helping them to understand and forgive what they can ( they are only 9,8,6,4).

Might have to take him back...fighting too many battles on too many fronts and nearly at the end of my leash. think dog might be confused by the dynamics and husband travelling away a lot with work...don't want to but......sad

joruth Fri 02-Sep-11 00:40:02

BloodyMoFo think dog is probably doing ok...any training available for husband/wife?angry

Ephiny Fri 02-Sep-11 08:03:08

Sounds like the dog is doing fine - rehoming is a big disruption and a stressful experience, it's only been 3 weeks which is not much time to settle in. And at 10 months he's only a pup really. So I'd say he's done pretty well to have mastered crate training and basic commands already, and it sounds like you're doing a good job with him.

I know it can be awful having a dog who's not good on the lead, makes it impossible to relax and enjoy walks, but it's a very common problem and almost certainly can be sorted out with some training and persistence. Hopefully the training course will help, you could also consider 1-1 sessions with a behaviourist if needed.

Can you contact the rescue centre and say you're struggling - they might be able to offer some advice or support to help you? They're often happy to work with new owners to help the dog stay in his home. And if there's a possibility he might end up having to go back, I expect it's best for them to know in advance so they can plan for it, rather than have you just turn up with him one day!

coccyx Fri 02-Sep-11 08:09:23

Poor dog, hasn't done anything wrong. Poor kids as well. You say husbands problems are longstanding so you need to deal with him surely

saintlyjimjams Fri 02-Sep-11 08:09:59

What do you want to do? If he's away all the time surely it's your decision anyway? How would your husband respond if you just said no he's staying?

MmeLindor. Fri 02-Sep-11 08:14:48

I'd sending the husband to the pound, tbh.

Sorry, flippancy is no use to you. You sound like you are really struggling.

Ok. You are doing great. I had a bad wobble a couple of weeks after we got our dog. What had I let myself in for? We had tied ourselves to the dog. Why I'd I do it.

I would not have given her back but I didworry that I'd bitten off more than I could chew.

Stick with it. Tell your husband that you have to give the dog a chance to settle. Arrange a time scale - say 6 months - by which time your dog will be well trained an everyone will be used to it. Then agree that you will have a chat again.

tooearlytobeup Fri 02-Sep-11 08:47:25

Is he usually this controlling about things? It doesn't sound like the dog is actually the problem to be honest.

Merrylegs Fri 02-Sep-11 08:54:32

But if you get rid of the dog, you will still have the husband....

Sighthounds are notorious for separation anxiety. I have a whippet who was a real whiner as a pup, but he grew out of it. Crate training is an excellent idea. It sounds like you are doing a really good job.

I am sorry you are feeling so stressed, but it is clear this isn't just about the dog... the question is, what do you want to do about it all?

CoffeeIsMyFriend Fri 02-Sep-11 09:19:52

OP, if I were you, I would keep the dog, sounds like you are doing great with the puppy.

Tell your husband to grow the fuck up and stop behaving like a toddler! If needs must, put husband into rescue and keep the puppy.

Dont mean to be flippant, but this sort of behaviour is so out of order.

You might want to pop to relationship topic and get some advice there for you and your husband, but I think you will be advised to ditch DH and keep dog. sad

joruth Fri 02-Sep-11 21:15:50

Thanks all...yes you are right this is not about the dog...and should be on the relationship topic.

DH (HAhaha) has prevailed because i can't talk sense into him (since many years)and he's started to throw his weight around . Dog would be better option but have gone with marriage vows and kept the husband.

Rehoming centre think we have done great with our puppy and have taken him back...they have someone in mind for him who was interested before but were not sure about having him with children....now he is proven as a superb family pet I know he will be super happy with them and they have all the info they need to go forward. Have elected to call ourselves foster carers...does not really help but what can you do??

Of course Dh has gone off back to work for the next week in London and I am left with 4 very upset children...and upset myself, but not the first time.

Lesson is be careful who you promise to stay with 'til death...cos if you mean it it may be tricky....

Think dog would have picked up on the traumatic relationship and might have been difficult for him, so better he goes to a stable loving pack.

Thanks all for your words.

off to cry some more...about dog or relationship I cannot really tell..........

Ephiny Fri 02-Sep-11 21:38:39

Oh that's a shame sad But it does sound like you gave him a great start with the training you did and getting him accustomed to children and family life, and I'm sure the work you put in will help him settle into his new home.

Do come over to the relationship board if you feel you want to talk about the other stuff any time, it doesn't sound like a nice situation at all...

Vallhala Fri 02-Sep-11 22:02:17

What a dreadful shame. It sounds like you'ce done brilliantly with the pup and that the problm, tbh, wasn't the dog. I hope you can sort out the marital ones... and if it helps tell your husband that he's bloody lucky you're not me because I can promise you from the heart that he would have gone and not the pup were he my spouse.

wildfig Fri 02-Sep-11 23:00:34

That's a real shame, for you and the DC and the poor dog - it sounds as if you worked really hard with him, and he worked really hard too! But you're right; animals do pick up on tensions in the house, and he might have started to 'guard' you if your DH came back and made you visibly upset, which could have caused even more problems.

Please don't be too hard on yourself. As ephiny says, you've done something really wonderful for that little dog; you've given him a fresh start, a clean sheet, and a set of manners that'll set him in good stead for his new home. I hope someone's looking out for you, too.

[unMumset scritch behind the ears]

CoffeeIsMyFriend Sat 03-Sep-11 07:48:49

OP, sorry that you are upset, but you were good foster carers for the puppy. And you deserve a pat on the back for giving him some manners and basic training.

I am with Vallhala on this - the husband would have gone - emotional abuse and bullying are NOT part of marriage vows, to love, cherish and honour are. sad

Anyway, if you fancy some revelations and help with self esteem and some straight talking Relationships will be there to hand hold and help.

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