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We have to rehome Duke for his own safety. I was worrying so much about the girls but I cannot stop crying

(83 Posts)
TrinIsASadSpottyFatRhino Mon 04-Jul-11 19:36:24

I've failed him sad

coccyx Mon 04-Jul-11 19:57:41

Oh dear. do you want to tell us more

Happymm Mon 04-Jul-11 20:03:12

You haven't failed. It takes a lot of strength to admit something isn't working out-for all of you obviously.
He can be homed somewhere more suitable for him. Don't upset yourself. Your DD's must come first...

BitOfFun Mon 04-Jul-11 20:07:12

You have made the decision that is best for your family. With the greatest respect, don't go into any details on here or try to justify yourself- you are the boss of you. I have seen people get the proverbial shit kicked out of them on her for talking about rehoming dogs- it ain't pretty, and if you are upset now, it won't help.

DogsBestFriend Mon 04-Jul-11 21:21:18

Oh Jeez, Trinity I'm so sorry lovey. I'm one of the ones BOF is probably referring to because I have bollocked people who have decided to rehome wantonly but as a longstanding MNer I know your personal story so to speak (although not your reasons for rehoming of course but I'm sure I can safely say that you aren't doing this lightly).

In fact, I think I know your reason come to think of it... not sure how to put this but if I'm right it's not anything to do with YOUR family or anything you are doing. If I am right then I'm all the more heartbroken for you.

If that's the case and you can think of anything I might be able to do to help or advise on to prevent this, or help in any way, just pm me, (it's Val btw, I namechanged).

Take care, please.

thesunshinesbrightly Tue 05-Jul-11 02:05:24

Ah ha DogsBestfriend i was just thinking about you and wondered if you namechanged and here you are,the new name suits you.

OP - Have no idea of your story so i will keep it zipped. Hope your ok.

DooinMeCleanin Tue 05-Jul-11 08:20:54

Aww Trin sad. I am sure you'll find a great rescue for Duke and he will have a new home in no time, where he will be safe and happy. Ensuring your dog has the best care possible is not failing him.

You won't get flamed.

TrinIsASadSpottyFatRhino Tue 05-Jul-11 09:17:16

I dont mind getting flamed, I probably deserve it
This would never be happening if Neil hadn't died

I swear Duke is grieving and he just cant seem to handle still living here but wthout neil

he has changed his behaviour when outside so dramatically and he is putting himself at rtisk

he has nipped a neighbour and he chases car tyres inches from them
he will not listen to any of us and he been a nuisance and impossible to keep in the garden since a few weeks after nheil died
I've tried and tried
I ended up having to put him on a chain in the garden but then he wouldn't wee and just looked so sad
I cvnt do it to him
I had a dog trainer but then he went funny ahd came on to me shock

UGH I feel awgful but I just cannot do the best for him here

He was fostered when we went on holiday and he didn't display any of these behaviours

it looks as though he is trying to protect us from EVERYTHING

glame me, I dont mind
I know I've tried my best and that I love him dearly but I know he can have a more relaxed and safer life somewhere else, I just know he can and thats the important thing
I have not taken this lightly in the leaset
The girls will suffer as it was their dads dog
this is not an easy option for me at all

but duke must be safe and happy and I dont think kthat can hapen here sad

DooinMeCleanin Tue 05-Jul-11 09:30:06

The dog trainer came onto you? shock. What an awful man.

Could Duke be rehomed somewhere close so the girls can still keep in touch? I'm sure if you explain the situation to the rescue, they'd be happy to ask his new owners kept in touch.

TrinIsASadSpottyFatRhino Tue 05-Jul-11 09:35:05

well there is a sanctuary place I'm going to contact today

dd1 has pleaded to be able to visit him
she has painted pictures for him and and written stories that she wants to snd with him
I feel so awful
i'm scared they wont get over it but if he died on the rroad or was put down for nipping someone else, I would never forgive myself and I think it would be much much worse for the girls

dp reckons keeping in touch wouldn't be the best for duke, I'm not sure tbh

I'm so confused

and yes he did come on to me
He was married when he started coming but then he turned up one day with wine and somehting to tell me
that he had split from his wife and was sleeping in his car and that he felt' I had alwasy understood him'

hmm
wjhat a fucking line

<shudder>

I never rang him again

DooinMeCleanin Tue 05-Jul-11 09:39:49

I don't see why keeping in touch would cause any harm, so long as you gave him time to settle into his new home. Dogs can be fairly adaptable in the right homes.

My Dad's failed foster Whippet is in regular contact with the rescuer who she lived with when she first came into rescue. She's going to stay there next week, when my parents go away. They're rescue experts and they think it's fine, so it must be fine smile

GrimmaTheNome Tue 05-Jul-11 09:46:52

Oh Trin, so sorry you've got this to deal with on top of everything else. Of course you don't deserve a flaming - you're putting your dog and your DDs feelings first, and trying to come up with the best solution you can.

Hope the sanctuary can help you all.

KeepErLit Tue 05-Jul-11 09:59:42

You have to do what's right all round and if that's rehoming Duke then that's what's got to be done.

Try not to worry about the girls. They will get over it and probably sooner than you think. I rehomed a dog from my mum's neighbour. The children were distraught and I felt awful at taking their dog away from them but the mum was on her own (husband walked out) and couldn't cope. The kids made me promise to bring him to visit. 3 weeks later, I brought dog with me when visiting my mum. Took him to see the neighbour's children and they were pleased to see him but only spent about 2 minutes patting him before they went off to play again. Next time I took him to visit (maybe 6 weeks after I'd collected him) they didn't even want to leave their friends to come and say hello. They never showed any interest in him again, even though we regularly visit my Mum.

Sorry you're having to make this decision, especially under the circumstances sad

Curiousmama Tue 05-Jul-11 10:07:46

So sorry for you sad but sounds like you're doing right by him. Would you get another dog to take some of the pain away for girls? Also agree that visiting won't harm him.

TrinIsASadSpottyFatRhino Tue 05-Jul-11 10:13:38

we are serously hinking of getting another dog in time

a collie cross lurcher at 7 months old was not a good idea sad

I feel like its my fault

Curiousmama Tue 05-Jul-11 10:20:40

It's funny my dog is collie/whippet and was a nightmare!! I managed to train him but to be honest I used Dog whisperer tips and I know he's hated on here!! But I swear by them as it worked but took time, which I had as dcs at school. Plus it's a different scenario, my dog was new to my home whereas yours has all those memories and emotional attachment to your Neil.

No it isn't your fault at all, why do you think that? Once you see him settled you'll realise it's for the best. And a new dog is a good idea.

Curiousmama Tue 05-Jul-11 10:22:22

oh and he was a rescue too, 16 months old. Sounds like he'd never been walked as they had this mega long list from last home, he didn't like wind, other dogs, had to keep him in garden with high fence, things he'd eat..... all got ignored wink

Ephiny Tue 05-Jul-11 13:01:35

Don't think anyone is going to flame you. I haven't got much patience with the many people who just 'get rid' of their dogs for stupid and selfish reasons, but it sounds like you're trying to do what's best for poor Duke.

I hope the sanctuary can help, and maybe they can advise you about things like staying in touch.

I don't know your full story, but I'm very sorry for your loss. Dogs definitely do grieve as well sad

TrinIsASadSpottyFatRhino Tue 05-Jul-11 19:21:24

now dd2 has made a picture for duke and wants to buy him a present to take with him sad

GrimmaTheNome Tue 05-Jul-11 19:26:53

Oh, thats sweet - and a good thing for her to want to do.

SecretNutellaFix Tue 05-Jul-11 19:39:23

Trin- it's not your fault. It's not Duke's fault either. You have not failed him.

You are being a responsible owner and wanting to make him happy and secure. It hurts like crazy, but I think that a fresh start will be good for him. You say he has only been like this since Neil died- it could well be anxiety. anything that upsets the balance in a household can make a dog very protective.

After my mother was hospitalized for a fortnight when her knee replacement went wrong, Kes became like a shadow to her when she came home. Watched everyone carefully and if she thought Mum was being approached by a potential attacker, she would go off her nut. Especially strange men.

TrinIsASadSpottyFatRhino Wed 06-Jul-11 22:39:50

he's going bak to the rescue centre on saturday sad

I dont know if I should take the girls or not

SecretNutellaFix Wed 06-Jul-11 22:47:56

I don't know what to say Trinsad

((hug))

TrinIsASadSpottyFatRhino Wed 06-Jul-11 22:59:39

thanks for not flaming me nutella

I cried on the phone to her when I asked her if she would just put hm down because hehas nipped someon

he was so kind, she reminded me that they do hve dogz for rehoming that have nipped andd they explain ghe situagion on the profile and they use a behaviourit

sh has said that its not good to ldt the kids kedp visiting him but not for duke but for the girls

she reckons its better if they draw a line under duke iyswim

but I can ring and found out if he has been rehomed

also hey wont leave him in kennels for months, he will get fosered tootill he is rehmed

i'm sttill crying an I cm't beliebve i has come to this

ands yes I have had ome wine butr the typing is very bad ass my friedn paid to have my acrylics done

TrinIsASadSpottyFatRhino Wed 06-Jul-11 23:23:12

flame me ifs its the only thing that can be done

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