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Daughter upset

(25 Posts)
twojues Mon 23-May-11 13:25:37

I have just come home after being out for 1 1/2 hours to be greeted by my 17 year old daughter in tears and upset about our 14 year retriever.

He had been barking to go out. She couldn't get him up. He is so heavy and doesn't really seem to "help" you lift him. She eventually managed it and let him out in the front garden (he can't manage the steps into the back garden now). He just about managed to get up the 2 steps back in to the house, went to have a drink, lay down (he has to back himself into sitting and lie down that way now) and then started barking for no apparent reason.

He also poos in the house at least twice a day. I am getting a bad back from trying to get him up. He can sometimes get up on the carpet, but can't manage it on the wooden floors. We have put carpet down in places for him.

He still likes his food, but doesn't get up to greet us or get excited at all. I can't remember the last time I even saw him wag his tail. He is deaf as well.

Not sure why I'm posting this, but just needed to type it out. I don't seem to get much support from my husband with him, he just gets cross with the barking.

He is on Previcox for his back legs, but not sure what else I can do for him.

Lizcat Mon 23-May-11 14:07:48

My feeling is that you need to talk to your vet. There are some other pain killers that can be added to the Previcox to help with your dogs pain and it sounds like your dog needs to be examined to see if there is a cause for the barking. Your dog may have cognitive dysfunction and there are some drugs that can help with this, but again you need to talk to your vet.
The very first thing you need to do is protect your back. Using in long towels rolled into tubes under the front legs in the 'armpits' and under the back legs in the groin up over his back and held together so that you can lift the dog up without bending your back.

higgle Mon 23-May-11 14:23:33

Sounds like he could also have cognitive problems -"Doggie Alzheimer's" Our old dog had this for a couple of years before he died of old age in his sleep. He was incontinent, wandered about,barked in the night and didn't show us any real affection - we said his wag had worn out. He did eat well during this period and seemed to enjoy going in the garden and short walks - so he had some quality of life ( it was just our quality of life that was affected!) It was not a good time for us, but the vet did try some medication that apparently does work for some dogs, though it is about £40 a month ( you can get it cheaper on the internet).

coccyx Mon 23-May-11 14:38:19

Bless your daughter for trying to help your dog.
I would see the vet and see what they suggest

midori1999 Mon 23-May-11 15:09:19

I hope your vet can help and I am sorry your daughter is so upset by this, I am not suprised.

Has your vet discussed PTS with you? I am sorry to say that 14 is a good age for a Golden and it may simply be his time. sad

rogersmellyonthetelly Mon 23-May-11 15:38:13

I remember clearly being 17yo and helping my old staffy who was 14. He would stagger outside to go to the loo and his legs would give out and he would end up sitting in it. I think my parents held off making the decision to have him PTS as they knew I would be devastated. In the end, I was glad when we took him, it was the right time, and although I missed him so much, I was glad he was at rest.

twojues Mon 23-May-11 15:43:19

I really don't think he's in any pain. I think the doggie alzheimer's is probably it. Perhaps being deaf he doesn't like the nights as he thinks he's on his own. We do have another dog (lab x, 7 yrs) and he sleeps with Harvey. We have tried leaving a light on, but it doesn't make any difference.

Lizcat - thanks for the advice about the towels. I will try that.

My vet hasn't discussed PTS with me. We have had dogs before, but there was a definite thing wrong with them and we knew it was their time. With Harvey, I'm not quite sure if it's arrived or not.

I am giving him some skullcap and valerian which has helped a bit during the night.

Higgle - I know exactly what you mean by his wag having worn out.

thanks for your advice

midori1999 Mon 23-May-11 15:55:56

I'm sorry to be blunt, but a dog that cannot get up by himself most of the time, walk properly (as you mention he can't manage the back steps) poos in the house and is also a Golden Retriever who doesn't wag his tail is not having a fun life. sad

If you don't think he is in pain, I suspect even more that it is his time. I know you obviously love him dearly and are trying to do what is best for him, but it is very important to put the needs of our animals before our own.

I apologise again if you think I am being harsh, but a vet visit to discuss all options is essential at the very least. sad

twojues Mon 23-May-11 21:09:48

We are going to see the vet tomorrow to have a chat.

CoffeeIsMyFriend Mon 23-May-11 21:33:16

twojues I am sad that your daughter was so upset by this, but have to say I agree with Midori, your dog doesnt sound like he has much quality of life at all. No wag in his tail, how sad in a Goldie? sad

twojues Tue 24-May-11 20:26:29

I went to the vets tonight with Harvey.
Had a long discussion with him and he says we have got to do what's right for Harvey and for us as a family. He doesn't think it is time yet, but it won't be much longer.
My son is going to come home from Uni at the weekend to see him and then we'll make the decision during half term when I haven't got any children to look after (I'm a childminder).

CoffeeIsMyFriend Wed 25-May-11 07:42:06

two I think you are doing the right thing by all of you.

Its never an easy decision to make.

twojues Wed 25-May-11 08:51:04

I just don't know whether I'm making the decision because it's easier for me or it's the right thing to do for him.

I've not slept well last night trying to work it out. Hubby says it's up to me because I have him 24/7. He doesn't hear Harvey if he barks during the night.

It's such a hard decision to have to make

ExitPursuedByAKitten Wed 25-May-11 08:54:31

twojues - I had the same emotions with my cat - was I doing it for me or her. But when the time came it was most definitely for her.

Thinking of you all.

twojues Fri 27-May-11 07:59:09

We have had a long talk and lots of tears and have made the difficult decision to saybgoodbye to Harvey tomorrow. My sone is coming home from Uni as he wants to see him and be there with him.
Thank you for the advice.

CoffeeIsMyFriend Fri 27-May-11 09:17:58

Will be thinking of you tomorrow two I do believe you are making the right choice.

so sorry.

Gay40 Fri 27-May-11 09:25:57

I'm really sorry you've had to make this decision, but it's the right one. When it's their time...it's just their time and then you have all those lovely memories. Good that your son will be here when you say your goodbyes.

My cat is on meds every day for her kidneys which are failing and I'm dreading that moment of just knowing she's had enough.

walesblackbird Fri 27-May-11 09:27:11

So sorry to hear that. We're getting close to that now with our 13 year old Dalmation. Back legs gone, struggles to get up the steps without help. Needs a good shove to get him on the sofa and has started weeing in the house. Also deaf, but still likes to bark whenever he sees anyone approaching the house. He can't hear them coming - but has to be able to see them.

Can''t walk further than around the front garden where there aren't steps to negotiate but can still manage to steal food from the bin and does still like to eat.

I feel for you.

Madsometimes Fri 27-May-11 09:35:27

You are doing the right thing, but I can see why you and your children are devastated. He was their childhood dog, and your daughter can probably not remember a time when she did not have him. It is going to be very tough, I'm so sorry.

Madsometimes Sat 28-May-11 21:34:09

Just a quick bump to say that I'm thinking of you and your family.

walesblackbird Sat 28-May-11 22:21:27

Are you okay?

twojues Sun 29-May-11 08:48:02

Thanks for your thoughts.
Well we spoiled Harvey yesterday morning. He had a lovely cup of tea, a nice breakfast, lots of cuddles.

My son came home from Uni because he wanted to be there. My eldest daughter is in the Bahamas and my youngest was at work and didn't want to come anyway.

He went very peacefully, although fought the sedative, but that's him all over!!

We went to the surgery with him in the end. Our other dog Bailey (labxcocker spaniel) is very mopey and is spending a lot of time curled in to a tight ball in his bed. He just seems lost somehow. He adored Harvey and would be like this if we took Harvey out on his own and would get excited and lick Harvey's mouth when we came back.

Any ideas on how we can make this easier for him?

WoodRose Sun 29-May-11 09:37:15

I was so sorry to read about Harvey. sad We lost our 14 year old collie girl last summer and our collie boy reacted very much like Bailey. Following the advice from fellow mnetters, we tried to hide our tears from him so that he wouldn't be more distressed. We gave him lots of attention, cuddles and walks. He did get back to his perky self after a few weeks. Sending you very unmnetty hugs.

minimu1 Sun 29-May-11 09:47:30

So sorry twojuess a horrible decision to have to make but made with love for Harveys. Take care and love to you all.

Re Bailey I would leave him for a day and then, sorry it is hard to do but up the cheeriness around him. Loads of play loads of walk and jolly hockey sticks type behaviour (just what you don't feel like I know) but he will be reacting a lot to your mood and this will show him everything is ok.

follyfoot Sun 29-May-11 09:48:17

Poor you and your family twojues sad So sorry that you are going through such a sad time. We cared for a very elderly rescue boy a number of years ago and ended up having to have him PTS for similar reasons. Despite him not being with us for very long, our other dog (who is poorly herself now) became very mopey. We gave her a teddy and I know it sounds bonkers but it did seem to help her to settle again. She still takes it to bed with her years later.

Thinking about you and and the Harvey shaped gap you now have sad

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