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Having second thoughts about puppy

(10 Posts)
Singlediva Fri 10-Dec-10 23:03:23

We picked up a 12 week Lhasa apso last weekend, he is lovely but I'm having serious doubts about being able to cope with a dog.
I separated from my husband in September and dcs were very upset.(it was his choice, I still loved him). I thought long and hard about getting a puppy and decided it was a good idea.

On the whole he has been good but today was a bad day and has made me question if I should have got him. I feel sick when I think about the responsibility.

Would it be best to find a new home for him now while he is still very young and would he settle in somewhere new quickly or should I give it longer to see if my feelings change?

Please don't be too harsh on me, feeling very fragile.

Scuttlebutter Fri 10-Dec-10 23:31:59

Have you contacted your breeder to see if they will accept the dog back? Any reputable breeder would prefer to do this than see a dog not being happy in a home, and will usually also have a waiting list of homes wanting pups. It can often take the pressure off if you at least know you have an exit strategy.

What are you finding particularly difficult about puppy/dog ownership? Is it the mess, the training, finding time for exercise, money worries, how the dog gets on with DC?

Was there a particular reason you opted for a puppy (with all the attendant work) rather than an adult dog? Was there a particular reason for choosing Llaso Apso? Are you doing puppy classes? Sorry, I'm bombarding you with questions, but it's useful to know and understand how you got where you are and what the problems are before wading in with suggestions/advice/solutions. smile

kid Fri 10-Dec-10 23:37:42

Puppies are extremely hard work.

I have a 6 month old springer who I got when he was 11 weeks old.
I adore him but he does drive me mad sometimes!

I haven't had doubts about being able to cope with him because our previous puppy died unexpetedly at 7 months old so I guess I cherish the 2nd chance we have at sharing out love with our puppy. But, I do worry about some of his behaviour and do wonder how long it will take him to grow out of certain things.

What is it that you are concerned about? Financial issues, exercising, training etc...?

I don't know what the answer is about getting a dog rehomed, I guess it is easier to rehome a puppy than an older dog, but you really need to make sure its what you want.

hatwoman Fri 10-Dec-10 23:45:48

in what way was today bad?

larahusky Fri 10-Dec-10 23:56:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Singlediva Sat 11-Dec-10 05:29:57

Thanks for your replies.

I have been awake most of the night thinking about this. I'm going to contact the breeder this morning to see if they can take him back.

I don't think I was emotionally ready for the committment he needs, I feel real panic when I think about it. Dd will be really upset as she has bonded with him, but I do think it's best to do this sooner rather than later.

minimu1 Sat 11-Dec-10 09:51:45

Any consolation it does get so much easier

The first few weeks you have this stranger in your house who really ust makes work for you. They do not give a lot back to start with just demand wees, food and you are not sure what they want.

Over time as things settle down the dog will give back to you so much more than you have given it. So maybe just give it time I know what you mean about giving it back before you bond too much but what if you bond and you just love him to bits.

I would phone the breeder ask for advice but maybe give it another week and see how things go.

You can do this do not doubt yourself you have brought up a DD that is much harder work so do not think you ar not capable of looking after a dog you really are. However if you do not want to then I do understand your reasons and would in no way critise you if you were to return the pup.

LotteryWinnersOnAcid Sat 11-Dec-10 10:54:13

I broke up with my ex (no DCs then) and got a puppy immediately after - a week after to be precise. I had been visiting her at the breeder's while the ex and I were still together and had already made up my mind that I was going to give her a home. I did "cancel her" (that sounds awful) a couple of days after we broke up but I then decided that getting her would be the best thing after all so I rearranged with the breeder again and collected her that weekend. I already had one dog and it was quite daunting and a lot of hard work running around after two and making sure the pup got the training it needed. I also moved from our shared home and changed jobs within a couple of months of getting her.

It wasn't necessarily my finest hour but I stuck with it and came through the other side, I would not be without either dog now. In retrospect it was worse for her than for me. I feel as though she should have gone into a more stable and prepared home but she is fine now (still feel guilty about it though). I had moments where I would look at the pup and think I had made a huge mistake and I feel terrible about that now, she has always been difficult but it was not her fault that I got her at such an emotionally turbulent time, and I didn't feel I could just hand her back after she had bonded with me and my other dog. It took longer than with my first dog who I had also had from a pup, but I did end up falling in love with her. The puppy phase is so hard with all the training, the crying, the pissing and crapping everywhere you don't want them to - it is enough to test anyone - and when you are emotionally fragile it just feels like your best efforts are being brought down in front of you again and again and again. But it does get better. And it is all worth it. Well, it was for me, anyway.

Just thought I would share as I have been in a similar situation to you, although without DD, and it all turned out great. My advice would be to contact to breeder to let her know you are having these concerns and then perhaps give it another week and see how you feel then. I wish you and the pup all the best.

Singlediva Sat 11-Dec-10 19:05:55

Thank you for your replies especially Lottery winner, it made me realise that I'm not the only person to get a puppy at a difficult time. Dd has persuaded me to give it another week and has promised to take an active role (she's 14). Ds who is 11 gas been away a couple if nights this week and hasn't built a relationship up with puppy, doesn't seem very bothered wether it goes or stays, he's more bothered about our 3 cats.
Dd and I have decided to become a little stricter with puppy, I think he thinks he us the boss at the moment and I will try training classes tomorrow to see if they can work miracles!

everlong Sat 11-Dec-10 20:50:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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