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difficult teenagers

(9 Posts)
tatt Fri 11-Mar-05 07:46:59

anyone see that programme last night? I was horrified at what might lie in store for me

SeaShells Fri 11-Mar-05 08:04:23

I missed it, but I remember how horrid I was as a teenager!

oxocube Fri 11-Mar-05 08:21:15

I watched this Tatt and agree, it was horrific. The language the children and parents used, the violence, the complete lack of respect for each other were really sad. I actually felt really sorry for a couple of the parents as they didn't seem to have any idea that the way they acted or reacted with their children has contributed to their behaviour today. What did you think of the counsellor lady who was telling parents that they were not in any way to blame for the way their kids had turned out? While I don't think a big guilt trip is going to help these parents, my own feeling is that they have to accept partial responsibility for their kids' behaviour. Think of the couple who laughed at their toddler when she told people to f**k off and encouraged it because it was so funny. And they wonder why she swears like a trouper now she is the eldest of 6 children at 14. Heartbreaking really.

Pamina3 Fri 11-Mar-05 09:10:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tatt Fri 11-Mar-05 15:39:34

some of the parents were accepting responsibility. What worries me is that my husband spoils the children so our family is a bit like one of those but in reverse. He doesn't swear at the children (yet) but he doesn't properly back me up on disciplining them.

The parent that I really felt was to blame was the one who claimed her sons were only being normal boys when they were out vandalising the car. It may actually have been their car but still not normal behaviour.

Tinker Fri 11-Mar-05 19:29:18

Think the counsellor had to really bite her tongue with some of these. Will be intrested to follow this . But, tbh, think Jennifer's parents had learning difficulties. That they, teh father especially, coudln't see the link between their own behaviour and their daughter's at all was quite frightening.

happymerryberries Fri 11-Mar-05 20:32:50

The parents of the boy with adhd were also hard to understand. Granted they have not caused his adhd. However the mother thinks that his behaviour is something over and above his adhd, and then they go on to say that they don't have any rules.

I would have thought that having rules that a child can understand is essential for all families, not least those who have the additional difficulties of adhd to deal with.

One minute they were laughing with the boy because he was hitting his dad, the next saying that he had hit and hurt his father. Hello? Mixed messages or what?

oxocube Sat 12-Mar-05 07:24:04

Tinker, I agree with you re Jennifer's parents. They did seem to have learning difficulties, the dad in particular. It will be interesting to see how much the counselling and behaviour therapy can help. This is way beyond the 'Little Angels' series IMO. Do you think it might be too late for the older children like Jennifer to change? At 14 I think her attitudes might already be too 'moulded' which is just tragic.

tiktok Mon 14-Mar-05 11:20:04

I didn't think any of the parents had learning difficulties - and they did recognise that laughing at a toddler using swear words can contribute to them using them as a teenager. I thought it was heart breaking to see them all swear at each other, and the dad of that family was physically abusive to his daughter, too. Yes, she was vile....but they were almost as bad, I thought. The parent counsellor's job was to understand that these parents loved their kids and only wanted what was best for them, and to accept that you can't 'make' someone change, but you can change yourself and this can have the desired effects.

Yes, a lot of it starts in toddlerhood. In our house, we have never sworn in front of our kids, and I have had to develop a list of other milder words like 'dickhead' and 'div' that might be used at school, but which I don't want to hear at home because they are not respectful. I wouldn't call any of my kids 'dickhead' or 'div' so I don't want them calling each other that....and certainly not me!

Swearing can become a form of aggression. It's not acceptable in a family. It's ok in the pub, or at school, or among adult friends. but not in the house. Once you have that rule, then stick to it. But if the parents break it all the time, then how can they tell their kids what to do?

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