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The Baby Has Landed

(797 Posts)
Sotiredsomuch Wed 27-Nov-19 21:05:02

Anyone watching?

I love stuff like this.

SmileyClare Sat 21-Dec-19 20:24:03

Hello to Helen. Extremely brave to go on a programme like this and I think you are wide open to criticism after doing so, particularly with an usually large brood.
I'm impressed you found the time and energy to write an essay! I probably wouldn't be capable of stringing a coherent sentence together in your shoes.

Let's face it, no family is perfect. I can't imagine the chaos in your household at Christmas but wish you all a merry Christmas fsmile

hifolks Sat 21-Dec-19 20:24:45

My dislike of the situation had nothing to do with sexuality. I don't think it's fair to place an order for twins, simple as that.

Minster2012 Sat 21-Dec-19 20:29:19

@smileyclare being emotionally equipped for it is very difficult, but in the U.K. you have legally have to have counselling for surrogacy so it’s as good as it can be.

And in the quickest terms the “fastest” that a child (despite being biologically completely nothing to do with the surrogate) can be legally accepted as the child of the ACTUAL biological parents is at roughly 7 months old. So in terms of being coerced, it’s actually the surrogates that hold the legal power unfortunately in the U.K. despite often having no genetic link to the child they are the legal parent & if they didn’t want to “give up” the child as you say, they wouldn’t have to. That’s why it’s so hard here in the U.K.

SmileyClare Sat 21-Dec-19 20:36:40

Fair enough hifolks. A single embryo carried by a surrogate would be acceptable but you don't agree with putting mum and babies at a higher risk by implanting two?

It's only fairly recently that IVF clinic regulations have changed to reduce twin or triplet births. Multiple birth rates used to be unusually high in IVF babies simply because transferring more embryos gave a higher success rate. The reason they don't now is as you say to limit the risks to mother and child.

Of course there are still twins produced by IVF when an embryo divides naturally to produce identical twins.

SmileyClare Sat 21-Dec-19 20:42:08

That's true Minster there is a real risk that parents using a surrogate won't end up with a child.

There's a Louis Theroux doc about surrogacy in the U.S. and it followed two women who both agreed to be surrogate, accepted thousands from the couples (appeared to be allowed in America?) And then exercised their right to not hand over the baby. It was hideously corrupt.

doublebarrellednurse Sat 21-Dec-19 21:01:51

The NHS do get a good package. I want to say a years full pay but I could be wrong.

VVVVVV wrong. Did you just pluck that out of thin air 😂

Laughable how not the case this is.

Minster2012 Sat 21-Dec-19 21:04:09

Yes @smileyclare but I still think you are missing the point, the U.K. laws & American laws are VERY different. That’s why for instance Tom Daley went to the US. In the states it’s usually c$150,000 for the surrogate & the papers are signed immediately (that’s the one part of the show I thought didn’t line up they showed something about that straight away which was weird & not U.K. law for parental orders)
In fact as you said to the other poster, they did IVF in Cyprus so they could implant an embryo fathered by each as U.K. Clinics won’t do this.
But that’s not the point, for the hay couple to get the parental order in the U.K. despite the surrogate not being related her & her husband would be the “legal parents” on the birth certificate until the parental order is granted. Which, having had a child through surrogacy would take roughly 7 months. So it’s not just that you could end up “without A child” if a surrogate changed their mind, you (if in a lot of cases like our it’s your biological child) you could end up without YOUR child. That’s the horrible risk. Surrogacy is all about trust.

SmileyClare Sat 21-Dec-19 21:14:41

Yes my reference to the Louis Theroux documentary was a bit off the point.
You're right about the implications of a surrogate in the UK changing their mind and keeping the couple's child. That's a moral minefield.

SmileyClare Sat 21-Dec-19 21:17:47

And I suppose there's a chance that the couple change their mind or their circumstances change dramatically while the surrogate is pregnant, leaving her responsible for that couple's child?

Minster2012 Sat 21-Dec-19 21:50:15

@smileyclare no don’t worry it’s a hard one, unless you’ve been through it, or know someone that has, it’s a very hard thing to understand “in real life” or to know anything about other than listening to the archers maybe! It’s a legal nightmare & something some ppl are still very much against, or can’t get their head around but that’s fair enough! If, like you say, circumstances changed dramatically when the surrogate was pregnant then you have to put legal provisions into counteract that. Social services had to give us the go ahead, for the IVF we had to had welfare of the child then extra for the surrogacy. If anything happened to us who would “adopt the child” on our side? That’s the hard thing, we all had to have new wills drawn up to reflect the “what ifs” including us paying for wills for my friend & her husband to say the child born through surrogacy had no rights on their estate for instance. All really boring legal stuff you just don’t think of if I were the person pregnant. And her midwife team did an extra social services evaluation as they did actually have a surrogacy case where the biological parents refused the child when it was born as it had a facial disfigurement so it was immediately taken away for adoption to avoid the surrogate having that exact situation. So yes. Very very complicated. We took 2 years planning in secret, at age 7 months our completely biologically ours son was named legally our son & given a new birth certificate in a family court with us all there & he has amazing oddparents in my best friend & her hubby. We had all the same emotions the gay couple & their friend did on the programme it was very real!

SmileyClare Sat 21-Dec-19 22:33:19

Minster glad that it worked out for you. You've opened my mind to the legalities involved. I can only imagine the tangle of red tape you encountered!

I remember reading the case story of the baby rejected by her biological parents because she had a facial deformity. The surrogate mother raised her I believe.
Thanks for explaining how scenarios are covered legally. It's reassuring that surrogacy is so tightly controlled in this country.

Softleftpowerstance Sun 22-Dec-19 11:29:48

Helen I don’t know if you’re still reading but I think you come across well in your post. It’s a shame the TV edit didn’t really capture you and Nige.

Chrisorla Mon 23-Dec-19 00:30:48

I've come late to this thread and all this may have been said as I haven't managed to catch up on all the posts yet. But I loved the show. I felt all the families were so "real" and were truly letting us in to their lives and the struggles of having a new baby.

And thank you to Hermisha and Shabazz who have been like a little marriage guidance counselling for me: don't forget to laugh.
The argument over Shabazz eating too loudly and then they ended up giggling about it. Brilliant and such a gorgeous family.

montmatre Fri 27-Dec-19 11:02:01

I dislike how the family of parents of 5 are just constantly shouting and ordering around their kids.

MyDcAreMarvel Fri 27-Dec-19 17:40:47

I dislike how the family of parents of 5 are just constantly shouting and ordering around their kids.
You must be watching a different programme? There has been no shouting/ordering about.

Poetryinaction Sat 28-Dec-19 01:02:15

I really enjoyed this. All lovely families. Baby Ace is the sweetest looking child ever. Loved the gay dads. I felt like Helen, that for me, more children = more love, but physically I had to stop at 3, and practically it made sense too. So I identified with the parents of Ramiyah. Our family life is similarly full of love and chaotic. 6 lucky babies there, with 6 lots of doting parents.

Silverservice1011 Thu 09-Jan-20 19:38:32

Just watching this now and that blanket had me shouting at the TV!!!

kof2020 Sun 12-Jan-20 09:35:59

Not in relation to any particular comments but does anyone know what make the red carrycot Helen is using in episode 3 is?!! I did take a screenshot but can’t work out how to upload it !! blush

WindyScales Sun 12-Jan-20 11:20:37

Just from memory is it this one:

kof2020 Sun 12-Jan-20 12:55:57

@WindyScales thank you very much

MummyMisha Sat 22-Feb-20 15:04:15

Hey! Hermisha here...

Firstly, thank you for all your kind words during a very special but quite intense time in my life and that of my family.

I know it's been a while. However, for those that would like to continue to see our journey. We will be launching our YouTube Channel tomorrow...

We will be having weekly videos from me, Shabazz and of course Elijah, Ezrah and Princess Ramiyah!

Remember - In a world where you can be anything... Be Kind xx

DobbyTheHouseElk Sat 22-Feb-20 22:15:50

@MummyMisha Hello. Your family came across so well. What a loving and kind family. Your boys are so polite. I’m so in awe. Really hope things are ok now. Seeing you crying on the bed, I recognised that feeling so well. I was crying watching, I knew how you felt. Big hug.

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