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First Dates - Woman telling date he looked in late 50's when he was 51 - potential theory why

(38 Posts)
birdspooping Fri 26-May-17 03:24:16

Don't expect many/any replies as can't see a current thread about First Dates. But just in case anyone saw this weeks' episode would be interested to hear your thoughts. 47 yo mum of two Jo (who looked amazing!) on a date with a charming, handsome 51 year old man (so 4 odd years older). They looked like a great match and were getting on well. He asked the dreaded question 'how do you think I am?' and she said late 50's. He was really shocked and that killed the potential they had. Like most of us, he looks his age, but a very good looking, well groomed and young 51. (And nothing wrong with looking in your late fifties mind you - but naturally we all want to be told that we look younger than we are).

BUT I think what happened is that, whenever she sees anyone slightly older than her, she assumes that they're much older, even if she didn't mean it in an offensive way and still thinks he looks very desirable.

For example, I'm 35 and if I clock that someone may be around my age, I automatically think they're in their late 30's/early 40's because I still see myself as in my mid-twenties and can't get to grips with the fact that I look their age as well. Even though I think 'wow, you look great', I ridiculously think 'well I must look younger' (I don't!). Anyway, long story short, I think that she (and me and maybe you) skew our perceptions of looks/age to convince ourselves that, we alone are uniquely bypassing inevitable mortality. (that sounded very pretentious but didn't know how else to put it!).

elkegel Fri 26-May-17 03:48:20

I don't think she looked great at all. Botoxed to the nines, fake stripper hair, wannabe Housewives of Cheshire or one of those other dreadful programmes. And came across as rather thick.

Guy had such an ego on him though. He was attractive but I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him. She probably had a lucky escape.

scottishbride Fri 26-May-17 03:53:14

I did think he over reacted to the age thing- NEVER ask someone to guess your age, it will end in tears!
And agree with elke that I thought she looked pretty awful!
There were much cuter couples than that.
LOVE first dates!

elkegel Fri 26-May-17 04:00:32

IMO because she has had work done herself and maybe a distorted view of how young she looks, and maybe her friends look like that as well.

Then meeting someone only 4 years older who looks good but with grey hair and laughter lines, as almost everyone has naturally by the age of 51, it made her think he was older because he doesn't dye his hair and have skin treatments.

Silverdream Fri 26-May-17 04:32:30

I was surprised at his age. I thought he was a lot older facially and with his dress sense.
But I also thought she had made herself look very plastic. For me it's a dreadful look. But it's just not my style.

SandysMam Fri 26-May-17 04:42:32

The fact he kept banging on about it really showed him for who he was and made him very unattractive. A real gentleman would have made one joke then let it go. Something slightly sinister about him I felt!!
As for your point OP, I know what you mean although my brain is too fried from being up all night with the baby to show an example that I understand. Love First Dates, my favourite show at the moment!

elkegel Fri 26-May-17 05:04:21

The fact he kept banging on about it really showed him for who he was and made him very unattractive

Agreed.

TizzyDongue Fri 26-May-17 05:40:56

I think she said it because he looked late 50s to be honest.

He came across as egotistical and horrible - set down his personality from the moment he said he 'looks for be best looking bird in the room and works down from there', then went on the sulk about being told he looks older than he is - harping on about her saying he was 60 (she hadn't) and then letting her answer first as to whether she'd like to see him again and her saying yes, when he knew he'd say 'no'.

Regardless of whether she looks good or not. She dodge a bullet there - as fake looking or 'thick' as she might have seemed she was way too nice for him.

Ususally i dont watch these reality type shows but i love First Dates and it's possible I am way too over invested ...

elkegel Fri 26-May-17 06:05:59

I love it too. I nearly always forget when it's on though as they hardly ever seem to promote it. I only saw this one as I'd remember to record it.

I liked the opera singing woman, she seemed a lot of fun. I found myself wanting to go for a drink with her (as friends!) Not sure about her date though. He seemed rather child like.

The two women on a date were interesting, liked the Rochdale woman very much. The most horrible thing anyone actually said on the night was by her date. "You are what you eat. No offence." Just horrible. I'd thought the Dutch woman was all right until then. Way to end a date. Taxi!

The young couple were so cute. The woman was clearly very young but I'm sure I said daft things when I was 21. Glad my dates weren't filmed.

I also love the staff and their comments. The main maitre'D is HOT. That restaurant is right next to where I work, I must go and check it out sometime.

elkegel Fri 26-May-17 06:07:14

I think she said it because he looked late 50s to be honest

Always knock 5-10 years off the age you think someone is if you are ever asked...

But yes, he was egotistical and a bit scary.

fessmess Fri 26-May-17 06:11:05

Interesting point op. I have never thought of this but it makes sense. I'm 49 and have aged, obviously, but as I don't see myself animated I don't realise how old I look. I constantly see people my age and ALWAYS think they're older. It adds up. First Dates is brilliant.

birdspooping Fri 26-May-17 06:13:29

Was doing cleaning while watching it the first time round so missed the bit where he said about looking for the hottest woman in the room. On thé second viewing, yes he does look late 50s and she was just being honest.

Strangely your comments have made me realise why maybe really, deep down I was so intrigued by this situation. I thought (still do) that she she looks good, but agree that you can tell she's had work done. But is that a bad thing? Not sure it matters - these days it's so normalised that it's similar to wearing makeup to enhance your looks. (If makeup was a new thing maybe we'd find that as strange as some people find Botox at the moment?).

So with full disclosure, I got Botox for the first time a few weeks ago (just to test it out what it looks like confused). But it's clear that my perception of what looks good/normal has already been skewed - holy crap! Maybe I won't get it done again then. Do you really think a bit of light help here and there is such a bad thing?

birdspooping Fri 26-May-17 06:23:22

On a lighter note agree that first dates is brilliant - beats blind date hands down and has a such a good success rate - it seems the producers actually care about making actual matches rather than drama.

Fred is HOT and love the way they're creating a pseudo flirty thing between the two waiters, Sam and Cici, even though we know they don't fancy each other in real life.

Am working my way from season 1 again at the moment for fun - would recommend it - the first season was so different!

elkegel Fri 26-May-17 06:24:28

I don't mind people having Botox or work done. I'm only 41 and don't think I want anything doing but ask me again in 10 years. I am happy to look and own my age at the moment though. Any lines and bumps I have show I've lived. It was more the overall image of the woman I didn't like, I don't like that fake look, but some people do and that's fine!

For most people eating plenty of fruit and veg, not drinking too much alcohol, getting good sleep, getting exercise and not smoking will make a much bigger difference than Botox. Too much and it just makes you look frozen anyway.

birdspooping Fri 26-May-17 06:27:09

Haha so really you are what you eat. No offence 

Badliar Fri 26-May-17 06:32:48

I thought he did look late 50s although I wouldn't have told him that. He looked quite dated/old fashioned compared to 51 year olds I know. Didn't like him anyway!

I still can't get over the girl with alopecia not wanting to see her date again. He was so lovely.

Badliar Fri 26-May-17 06:34:11

And I agree that we all like to think we look younger than we probably do.

bruffian Fri 26-May-17 06:36:13

He looked 61 imo. I think she was being polite! He was frumpy and egotistical. She was plastic but seemed like a nice, fun person

birdspooping Fri 26-May-17 06:38:51

Yes Badliar, that moment when she took her wig off and he basically fell in love was amazing.

But she didn't fancy him - you can't force these things.

Loopytiles Fri 26-May-17 06:39:13

"You are what you eat. No offence"shock

Loopytiles Fri 26-May-17 06:40:50

That was said to the rochdale woman who bravely blew the whistle about the sexual abuse crime ring and treatment of victims? Wow.

bruffian Fri 26-May-17 06:42:18

Yes that was harsh. She looked rough as well (the Dutch woman)

Fliptophead Fri 26-May-17 06:44:38

Do people need to be quite so offensive about the woman's looks??

Anyway I agree with you op. I'm still 25 so I find it off when people who are 35 like I actually am look so old. My ex is ten years older than me and because we'd been together so long and I've sort of watched him age I don't notice how old he is but someone his actual age always seems ancient to me. It's weird the way we perceive things

Longdistance Fri 26-May-17 06:45:52

I couldn't believe he was 51, that's 10 years older than me. I think he lied about his age tbh. Though, I have to pinch myself that I'm 41, and get told I had an easy bus ride as look 30.
She was only 6 years older than me, and I was a shock

Luckily I have great genes as both my dps look young for their age. I don't act 41 either, so that probably helps keep the aging at bay.

Fliptophead Fri 26-May-17 06:46:03

Off = odd

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