Never Gonna Kyiv You Up: Grand Final Eurovision 2017

[SuffolkNWhat]

Welcome one and all to the Grand Final thread!

Put up a chair, grab your blue cocktail and join us for an evening of dancing gorillas and loads of red and white outfits.

The running order of the Grand Final of the 2017 Eurovision Song Contest:

1. Israel: Eye Candy
   
2. Poland: First Aid Kit Dress
   
3. Belarus: Boat Wind Machine and Sticky Back Plastic Guitar
   
4. Austria: Lee Ryan in Dreamworks
   
5. Armenia: Hyundai Bollywood Dancers
   
6. The Netherlands: Talent Contest Rejects
   
7. Moldova: Epic Sax Guy Solo
   
8. Hungary: Sgt Pepper's Rapping Gypsies
   
9. Italy: Dancing Gorilla
   

10. Denmark: "Danish" Traitor with a Massive Gin and Red Dress
11. Portugal: Singing Werewolf in his Dad's Suit
12. Azerbaijan: Goth, Ladders and scary Horseman
13. Croatia: Go Compare Pavarotti Man
14. Australia: Bush don't come cheap, buy him some socks
15. Greece: Wet Underwear in a Paddling Pool
16. Spain
17. Norway: Darth Punk
18. United Kingdom: Whole Lotta Gold
19. Cyprus: Fair Isle Sequins and Gravity
20. Romania: Yodelling Taylor Swift and Her Massive Glittery Cannons
21. Germany: They really don't want to win
22. Ukraine
23. Belgium: All Alone in the Rabbit Headlight Zone
24. Sweden: TopMan ad. Too Frikkin Beautiful to be Dr Evil
25. Bulgaria: Bieber Untouchable Child
26. France: it'll be in French.

A huge thanks to RedToothBrush for the summaries on the last thread and GinSwigmore for the thread title.

[Raahh]

Afternoon!

Sooooo excited!

[SuffolkNWhat]

Me too! I'm racing through my marking so as to give it my undivided attention tonight and so I can have a drink

[InglouriousBasterd]

Fab title! Right confession - I love the Italian and Portuguese entries...hoping one of them nabs it. Also will be whispering 'fall...fall' to Swedish treadmill man

[OublietteBravo]

Hello! Really looking forward to tonight.

C'mon Belgium.

[CormorantDevouringTime]

Afternoon. Why do hackers never go after beneficial targets like the system controlling the Swedish treadmills. Think of the good you could do!

[OhYouBadBadKitten]

We have a random snacks dinner ready. And wine. I've not seen any entries as I like it all to be a surprise.

[allegretto]

I love the Italian entry this year. Really catchy, dd has been singing it around the house.

[OublietteBravo]

I've got blue Curaçao - I should Google blue cocktail recipes before the shops shut.

[GinSwigmore]

Waves to everybody. I am stupidly excited. My husband has been playing me Armenia all day in an inception-stylee. He also loves Sweden (he adores your Corporate Bonding Weekend gag suffs) but he thinks Moldova embodies Eurovision.
I like Belgium, Israel, Hungary and France.
Germany should have held back Lena with her gimpy dancers for a few years rather than the frankly cringeworthy defend the title BS the year following Satellite.
I am hoping Belgium have a better night. Monkseal put it beautifully when he said her performance looked like it was breaking the Geneva convention. "People have looked more comfortable being waterboarded".

[GinSwigmore]

Off to get nibbles and...refreshments alcohol and print out my scorecards
www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/articles/190g9GLLwpQCyf8vrRR8YfC/eurovision-2017-party-pack
and bingo cards.
www.scandikitchen.co.uk/2017-eurovision-bingo-card-scandikitchen/

[Raahh]

I am definitely supporting Belgium, the waterboarding comment was very funny. She did look petrified. Quite literally. She barely moved.

I have wine and nibbles, but am going to pace myself. There have been many years when i have fallen asleep before the voting, and woken up to some random programme in the middle of the night.

[SuffolkNWhat]

I'm going to break with tradition this year and actually bloody support the UK. I love the song so yah boo sucks to the crappy voting system.

Quite simply I Love Lucy

[SuffolkNWhat]

Although as a back up I will be calling upon my 1/4 Flemish heritage and support Belgium

[ElspethFlashman]

Oh forgot about dear old Monkseal!

We've seen damn all but we managed to catch Croatia which almost made us combust with joy at the perfect Eurovision campery.

[ElspethFlashman]

But hasn't the crappy voting system changed? It was quite exciting last year!

[OublietteBravo]

Same voting system as last year AFAIK - jury scores reported by each country in turn and then public votes added right at the end.

Filled the ice cube trays earlier, and have just acquired assorted mixers. Blue cocktails for real in the Bravo household this evening

I'm going to base the ones for the DC on blue food colouring and lemonade - they aren't old enough to help me get rid of the Curaçao yet

[Redcrayons]

Marking my place. I'm amateur compared to you lot, I haven't watched any of it so far.
Tips on who I need to look out for?

[OublietteBravo]

You need to look out for:
Romania (who have combined rap with yodelling),
Azerbaijan (who must surely win this year's prize for most random staging),
Croatia (whose singer can't decide whether to be a pop star or an opera singer)
and
Sweden (in case one of them falls off the treadmill)

[GinSwigmore]

in case one of them falls off the treadmill^

[SuperBeagle]

Still sad Montenegro didn't make it through

[GinSwigmore]

You also need to watch out for Italy (dancing ape), Moldova (dancing brides) and Israel kicking off the competition (dancing himbos).

[GinSwigmore]

Beagle, I was gutted. He waved his hair back and forth like noone has since Willow Smith.
m.youtube.com/?gl=GB&hl=en-GB#/watch?v=rQ1BXJpfa4I
I was also sad about Estonia.
And MaccyDonia (jeez, if a baby ultrasound and a spontaneous marriage proposal can't get you the votes...)

[GinSwigmore]

stevenperkins.wordpress.com/2017/05/13/eurovision-2017-the-definitive-ish-ranking-of-non-qualifiers/#more-1827

^ redcrayons this sums up the ones you have been deprived of seeing ce soir!

[Rhubarb01]

Good evening. Just popping in after twelve months absence to say how I am looking forward to tonight. I enjoyed all your comments on the semi finals. I have to say Moldova are my favourites - you can't beat a catchy dance and a bit of sax. I really like the UK too but that's obviously immaterial. Will attempt to join in if the wine doesn't get me first

[sheldonesque]

Belgium for me. Quite like Israel too. And Portugal.

Desperate for there to be a treadmill malfunction of Janet Jackson starry nip proportions. Desperate.