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Allowance for 17 year old starting Uni but staying at home

(102 Posts)
Missgiraffe1 Wed 31-Jul-13 15:46:10

Either I am clueless - as the offer I made to DD was met with a less than enthusiastic response - or she is being unreasonable.

She will stay at home, rent/digs free. No tuition fees (we're in Scotland). We will pay for her travel, food, toiletries, but makeup/clothes and social life will be for her to pay out of her allowance and any other earnings.
I don't want her to work too much during term-time, but I think 1 weekend day, or 1 or 2 evenings, would be reasonable. So she could top up what we were willing to pay by doing this, or by babysitting (we have a 1 year old) or by helping with housework (of which she currently does NONE!! [bone of contention emoticon]

She has been working a minimum of 4days per week since her exams finished, but has spent it all.

I suggested we give her £30/week. Working 1 weekend day would surely top this up to around £55. With potential to earn more by helping out (I offered her £10 to clean all the bathrooms) and £5 to watch her little Bro once a week to let me get out to the pub gym. That's £70/wk.

I honestly don't know if this is reasonable. She has got used to earning a bit more with her summer job, and her only reference is a friend who's already at Uni, but who gets a bursary and has taken out a student loan. She gets about £600/month (apparently)
With a reduction in my days of work, and childcare costs, we now have almost £13k less coming in per year. We are also looking to insure her for learning to drive, so that will be another 1.5K expenditure.

Would anyone be willing to share details of their arrangements in a similar situation? Am really struggling to understand what is reasonable. I know clothes aren't cheap, and they all have a great social life these days (spa days, city breaks etc) but I also want instill some life lessons in her (which I think I have mostly failed to do in this regard, regretfully)
Thanks (if you've got this far!)

curlew Wed 31-Jul-13 15:48:33

Why isn't she taking out a loan?

NatashaBee Wed 31-Jul-13 15:51:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chocoluvva Wed 31-Jul-13 15:57:16

I'm sorry to be no help - but I really have no idea -My DD might be in the same situation next year.

How has she managed to spend all her pay already?

I wouldn't have thought she'd need more than £30pwk when she will have almost no expenses. How much will transport cost her?

£55 a week should be plenty I'd have thought, but I'm not quite at that stage so I don't know.

I think she would be able to manage more than one day of work per week if she does nothing to help round the house though.

chocoluvva Wed 31-Jul-13 15:58:42

Clothes ARE cheap IMO. Stuedents are expected to look scruffy!

chocoluvva Wed 31-Jul-13 15:59:46

You could find out how much she'd get if she got SASS and use that as a guide.

chocoluvva Wed 31-Jul-13 16:01:55

Sorry - SAAS

Missgiraffe1 Wed 31-Jul-13 16:02:52

She won't have any transport costs, we will pay her monthly train ticket.
I would rather she didn't take out a loan tbh. If she can avoid debt, then she should. But I also can't afford to fund her lavish social life on top of everything else!
She spend her money on a 3day trip to London, a 3 day trip to Dublin &spending money for turkey (she has gone with her best friend &family for the last 3years. But we pay the actual holiday .... at a cost of £900 this year!!)

chocoluvva Wed 31-Jul-13 16:06:38

It's hard when they have friends who come from rich families and high unrealistic expectations of what they can afford.

nagynolonger Wed 31-Jul-13 16:10:51

If she is living rent free and most meals included I would let her have a loan for the rest or work. I wouldn't pay for anymore holidays either.....But then I'm really mean.

Missgiraffe1 Wed 31-Jul-13 16:11:36

Choco absolutely! I mean, we are reasonably well off, my dh earns quite a lot, but DDs best friend, 19, works Fulltime in her parents business. In fact they have 2businesses, and way more money than us (enough to travel by limo to English airport to fly first class to Florida, and party in New York every year for example) We just cannot compete with that!

BackforGood Wed 31-Jul-13 16:12:59

Honestly ? I think you are being more than generous.
If my ds stays home next year (very unlikely - I think he thinks the main point of Uni is to leave home wink), then we would cover his food, and toiletries, etc and that's it. (Can walk or cycle to a lot of places here).
If he wants a social life then he funds it himself.

You're not only offering to cover all living costs, but also travel, and also give her money as well, and she's complaining ? shock

Do you spend £30 a week on your social life ? I know I don't.

nagynolonger Wed 31-Jul-13 16:18:21

Do they start university at 17 in Scotland?

My older DC moved away for university at 18. The younger ones want to stay local but will still go into halls for the first year if possible.

Mine will be in debt unfortunately £9,000 a year at least.

ajandjjmum Wed 31-Jul-13 16:22:41

You don't want to compete with that! Although we're all slightly jealous, it's setting expectations too high!

DD moved to London to work for a year after her A levels, and more or less lived within her earnings. She has now started uni (just finished Year 1), and lives at home. She gets no set allowance from us. She earns a little money through part time jobs, and does have some savings. I think we are going to have to start giving her some sort of allowance next year, as her savings are disappearing very quickly, but she knows that really it's her responsibility to find her spending money.

Realistically we probably give her around £30 per week informally, and she doesn't complain (until she starts comparing with DS!)

littlemisswise Wed 31-Jul-13 16:22:44

I agree with BackforGood.

If DS1 goes to Uni in September, he is still in 2 minds, he will be living at home but he will keep his weekend job. We will pay for essentials like food, travel, and toiletries. We will buy clothes, but not the £35 t-shirts he likes to wear, he can buy those himself. He also had to fund his own holiday this year.

We do pay for him to be insured on the cars, but when he was learning we went with Collingwood learner driver insurance. That was about £290 for 26 weeks IIRC.

Missgiraffe1 Wed 31-Jul-13 16:24:49

They can apply after 5th year. I'd rather she waited a year, maturity, affordability etc (we have a savings bond thingy that matures when she's 18 - when we thought she'd be going to uni! - another when she's 21) but shes a determined wee bugger wink I just asked her she thought increasing allowance to £45/week would be enough. Still not happy. I'm starting to think she's acting a bit unreasonably and, quite frankly, spoiled hmm

Rummikub Wed 31-Jul-13 16:30:32

I think your paying her loads, esp when including everything. Total it all up for her and compare to what she would be getting and paying out if she didn't have your help and living in student accommodation.

Rummikub Wed 31-Jul-13 16:32:36

If she's not happy then suggest she takes out a loan and ask her to pay rent and travel etc out of it.

noddyholder Wed 31-Jul-13 16:36:49

Ket her get a loan? She will probably move closer to the uni in year 2 when she realises she may be missing out by living at home so for this year just bite your tongue!

Missgiraffe1 Wed 31-Jul-13 16:39:01

I think I'll sit down &work out how what we're offering compares to a SAAS bursary & a loan if she was to pay for her own travel as well as all other costs out of it. I wouldn't charge rent (maybe im too soft hmm)
Thanks for suggestions. And it's always helpful to get others opinions.

Missgiraffe1 Wed 31-Jul-13 16:43:00

Don't actually know if you can take out a loan at 17 (don't you have to be 18?) Will look into it. I guess if she has unreasonable expectations then she can just go and get herself into debt to meet them. It will then be her problem!!

morethanpotatoprints Wed 31-Jul-13 16:46:59

I think you are being too soft and I mean this in the nicest way.
My dc once over 16 have self funded except for cb which was theirs to keep, so approx £80 per month. Both have been to college and uni, but were expected to fund themselves. This included driving lessons, car, car insurance, MOT, course fees, toileties, entertainment, clothes, phone, the whole lot.
The benefit of this is ds1 has nearly enough for a deposit for his first home, he is 22. I think you have to be firm and they learn the value of money younger than those still at home with mummy and daddy when they leave uni.

Rummikub Wed 31-Jul-13 16:48:45

Include the rent when calculating, you can then remove it during negotiations as goodwill.

My sister used to get quite sulky when my mum would give me toilet roll and stuff to take back to uni. She had no idea how much it cost to live out as she stayed at home to go to uni. It's a different mindset.

hugoagogo Wed 31-Jul-13 16:51:40

Why on earth did you offer her more? confused

£30 a week is plenty.

She will never leave home at this rate.

hugoagogo Wed 31-Jul-13 16:56:13

Oh yes rummikib, dh stayed at home, he left home at 25 to live with me, he had no idea how much food cost. Wore all his clothes including jeans one time only after which his dm (the laundry pixie) returned them washed and ironed to his wardrobe!

He got a grant (those were the days) and spent it on a flashy stereo

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