How much Freedem do you give your teenager

[mumeeee]

My 13 year old was upset today as a friend called for her at 7pm and they wanted to walk round the park. I felt thatit was a bit late to be wondering around the park. She does stat out later then this if she is at a Friends house and is being brought back. She is also aloud to go to town with her frinds as long as she is back about 5.30. She is aloud to go to the park earlier in the day I was just uneasy about the time of day. She got over her upset and is quite happy now

[mears]

I don't think that going to the park at 7pm is unreasonable for a 13 year old. I have to say though it has taken me a long time to loosen the reins for my 16 year old who now has much more freedom. This, in turn, gives my 14 year old much more scope because I know they can go out without getting into trouble. Now it is the holidays for us, my 16 year old comes in between 10.30pm and 11pm and my 14 year old comes home between 10pm and 10.30pm if he is at a friends house. They are boys though and perhaps I will be different with my dd.

[CP1]

As long as they are with a friend I wouldn't be too worried, wouldn't let them wonder around on their own though.

[Rosebud6]

My daughter is nearly 18 but as yet cannot be trusted as she lies all the time and has spent most of last year staying out 3 nights a week and switching off her phone so we can't get hold of her. she is disrespectful if we try to talk to her about it saying its her private business and all her friends can do as they like. Lovely friends she has!! She has had boyfriends but will not talk about them and this is our big block . She just won't talk to us and her life is shrouded in secrecy. I have been very open with her over the years encouraging her to talk things through and tried to show I am understanding. She says we will show her up and just keeps the boyfriends secret from us. All this has caused me severe depression and now we are at end of our tether as we just want her to be part of our family whereas she just wants to go out and text her friends ALL the time. Just don't know where to turn as makes us so unhappy all the time as love her very much indeed but don't know her any more. We are lenient about alcohol and let her smoke in the garden. We know she is sexually active which we don't approve of but she is on the pill and we can't put our values on her. We brought her up in an educated family and gave her chances to explore all aspects of life from guides to piano to horse riding and theatre school. She has given everything of any value up including college and only wants to be out having fun.. Help needed!!!

[musicposy]

Yes, I've let my 13 year old out to the park at this time with a group of friends, and in the dark. I like her back by about 8.30pm, 9 at the latest. I'm fairly confident, though, of a) her trustworthiness, b) her friends and c) the area in which we live.

[musicposy]

Just realised this is a very old thread. Rosebud I'd suggest starting a thread of your own with your previous post copied into it. You'll get much better answers from people who can help.

[musicposy]

I would say, though, that she is nearly 18 and you have to be a bit realistic. They all want to be out all the time and with their friends at this age. Family won't be the same as when they were younger. DD1 is nearly 17, luckily we've had quite an easy ride with her, but her peers are the centre of her world, not us.
Keep the apron strings loose, try to support them even when you think it will backfire. You have to let them make their own choices and mistakes to a certain extent. I think you may be being a bit too controlling with a teen this age, sorry. If you adjust your expectations you may all be happier.

[LynetteScavo]

I wouldn't be comfortable with my 13yo being out that long after dark. (In the summer, or at a friends house it would be fine).

But who in their right mind wants to go to the park in the cold and the dark? I would have invited the friend in for drinks and cake.

[musicposy]

Oh, and who is funding all this? You don't have to.

[LynetteScavo]

Hahahah, the DD in the OP will now be 22.

[bruffin]

This must have the record as one of the oldest bumped threads.

[cory]

Assuming that this thread is now about Rosebud's dd and not the OPs (who is hopefully making her way successfully in adult life by now), I'd agree with musicposy: at nearly 18, she is getting to an age where her life will be what she makes of it, not what you had hoped to give her. Imo it is better if that change comes gradually rather than as a sudden bump on her 18th birthday.

But otoh musicposy is also right that with independence comes responsibility: if she wants a certain lifestyle, it is reasonable to expect her to fund it.

[BIWI]

Rosebud - as this is your first post, I assume you are new to MN and not a NC?

Go to the parenting section and post in the teenagers section. Lots of people here with experience of the blighters.

[BIWI]

Ah. I see you have posted in 'teenagers' But better to start your own rather than resurrect someone else's as people will tend to focus on the questions/issues raised in the OP.

[flow4]

Rosebud, start your own thread by clicking 'Start a new thread' at the top of the list of topics: just paste your post into the blank box that comes up and give it a title. Otherwise many people will answer the original poster's question, which is no good to you! (Or the OP, since she asked it nearly 10 years ago!)

[BIWI]

Unless this is a research piece, of course ...