Is this typical teenage girl behaviour?(46 Posts)
ahhh but you can't make them take a pen to school!
despite whatever impression i give about the way i live my life, i am v strict with my kids in terms of behaviour and respect. I think it is something that has to be started v young and continued into adulthood. Maybe the mum wasn't always able to be about to guide her as much as she wanted to be, i guess we will never know
I stand by "If you raise your DDs with respect for them, but demand/expect similar respect from them for you, then it won't happen" though, anorak - as you said, "I am pretty sure she wouldn't have ever got like that if she'd been brought up solely by my dh and I and her father had had no contact from a much younger age". He messed her up, and she was so damaged by him in her early teens that she would never have been at the pool with you under the circumstances trefusis described.
Very interesting points anorak. I often wonder how people parent effectively when they share care and control of a child with another person, who may not have the same values and rules as them.
I think when kids are young, it might be do-able because they are good at distinguishing different boundaries with different people; every time my Mum comes around, DS's behaviour changes dramatically (for the worse) because he knows that stuff she will pander to I won't tolerate. But he doesn't try that on with me when she's not around. But when they're older, I imagine it's a completely different kettle of fish and am interested to know how on earth people manage it. How do you stop teenagers playing off two households against each other? I hope it's a problem I won't have to face, but you never know what's going to happen in life.
And, helliebean and everyone else who says 'why let it get to that point?' It's not so easy when your teenager declares that they don't care what consequences they are going to face, they've decided to make their own decisions regardless of anything you say. If they refuse to accept an allowance, lifts, laundry service or cooked meals in order to remove your every chance of influencing their behaviour you have no way of forcing them to do anything, short of using physical force.
On the plus side I am pretty sure she wouldn't have ever got like that if she'd been brought up solely by my dh and I and her father had had no contact from a much younger age. She did suffer a very severe depression due to some things he did, and it damaged her badly.
Sorry, janh, I have always treated my teenagers the way you describe but DD1 still turned into the teenager from hell. I had no control over what her father was like since we split up when she was 4. He put her through the mill and I had to pick up the pieces. DD2 is the complete opposite but is only just 13 so there is still time!
DD1 is slowly rejoining the human race due to our persistence I think! But it's been a long hard struggle I don't think I could have got through without the advice and support of mumsnetters!
Yes, I often fantasise about her dealing with difficult children herself and finally understanding what we've done for her and why we didn't agree with her so many times! For her to phone me in 10 or 20 years time and say 'Mum, now I understand what I put you through when I was a teenager' would be the most satisfying thing I could imagine! I think that hanging out for that is the only thing that keeps me alive sometimes, when I think the stress of raising her is going to kill me!
Any teenager can be like this, given half the chance but why would you let it get to this point? Believe me, my dd1 has bordered on behaviour like this but there are a few differences.
I don't give her any money at all - she has part time job at weekends at local pub and earns between £35 and £50 a week. Since she was 14 she has earned money babysitting and actually started this pub job when she was 14 so no need to hand out dosh. Having said that, I do still buy her clothes and I can stop doing that if her behaviour is crap.
It does put you at a disadvantage because you have no 'bargaining tool' (i.e. withdrawal of money) so you have to use something else and I refuse to drive her somewhere if she plays up. I would not put up with the behaviour you described in the swimming pool. Why would anyone let themselves get in that position. My DD1 tells me of teenagers at her school whose parents pay for their contract mobiles and the bills are nearly £100 per month. Mad, mad mad!!!
My top tip, keep 'em short of money and then they have to have some sort of responsibility. Any teenager can get a job doing something and from the age of 15 upwards, they should pay for their own entertainment, mobiles, etc.
Yep, I think that's what I said at the time !!!!
... I do remember vaguely bringing up the subject of how to put a condom on with both dds ... there'd been a demonstration on TV using bananas ... somehow thought their friends might like to know ... (think I was actually trying to get my own back for their continual harrassment that day!)
ask them to show you the correct way of putting a condom on, while doing your utmost to flirt blatently and embarrassingly with them in front of your kids
dh is looking forward to dd1 bringing all her pretty gf's back for him to flex his muscles at
Wait for their friends to arrive (preferably male ones) and start discussing periods, tell your daughter/s not to forget their condoms, get out the baby photos, make suggestive comments (to the male friends), remind them to brush their teeth and put clean underwear on ... oh ... shall I go on ???? ....
get a hairnet and big rollers and a nasty too short quilted dressing gown and hairy legs and then you can make sure that at the very least they will be embarrassed a few times...
DP and I have discussed trying 'you're not going out in that skirt, it's far too long', and 'what do you mean, you haven't been smoking', and 'Oh, I thought he was lovely, darling, such an interesting collection of tattoos and do you know he told me he'd been pierced in the most fascinating places', to put them off...
i dress in a way to embarrass mine , starting out gently
I accidentally mortified mine once when playing Triv with them and boyfs by being a bit pissed and talking in a peculiar voice.
Didn't mean to, sorry miss.
It's the Get out of my life but first take me and Alex into town book, only a bit of the way through it though.
You could demonstrate some of your coolest dance moves, maybe?
Too mild, that book I'm reading says you need to threaten to go outside in your underwear and talk to their friends about SEX.
Far too mild. You need to show her your varicose veins and suggest she starts wearing support tights right away.
Ooh yes, I'm planning to be the most embarrassing mother. "If you don't do this, I will chat to your friend about what GCSE's she wants to do when she comes round. I will then move on to the topic of what films she likes. And then (piece de resistance) will ask her what bands she's into."
Is this threatening enough, or too mild?
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