Is this typical teenage girl behaviour?(46 Posts)
yes it is completely normal teenage behavior sorry!
Yes, it sounds like typical teenage girl behaviour to me! Only thing was my mum made me work for my money, so I had a paper round 6 mornings a week from the age of 13, followed by a succession of other jobs to pay for what I wanted. I wonder about parents who complain about their kids lifestyles - if ya don't like it, don't fund it!
I think it's one thing to be in a permanent strop, another to bully your parents. I very much hope I'll stand up to the teenaged Inferiorettes (a prospect which already makes me quail) slightly better.
I would say thats normal teenage girl behaviour....bratish yes...out of order completely.
If I was her mum I would of been tempted to of pull daughter in pool.
Would agree and say that it sounds pretty typical, ie pushing mum as far you can go but mum doesn't have to take it.
As for not doing them any mischief, well it's come close sometimes and I did once pour a pint of water over dd1 when I was particularly annoyed with her.
To be fair to the mum in question she maybe gave her dd a good bollocking when she got her home - hope so.
To be fair they're not always like this. Sometimes they can be almost human and I've been assured they'll grow out of someday.
they're not all like this , at least not all the time.
my kids have had to have jobs if they wanted to fund anything special- and they have grown up with a healthy respect for money(so far !!)
equally they would do jobs for me to earn money- but i learnt very quickly a few jobs first (nothing drastic ie.dust and vaccum lounge) money after.
dp's kids are totally opposite- they have had everything given to them (with the best intentions) and now dp is single,(and kids live with him ) they are always nagging him for money, and foolishly he tries to give it to them. his daughter went on school trip last week - before she went she had fake nails and spray tan done... and he wonders why i couldnt live with him .
No, they don't have to be like that at all - my DDs (23 and 20 now) both had friends who treated their mothers that way, but the mothers let them, and my DDs were often shocked at how rude their friends were.
If you raise your DDs with respect for them, but demand/expect similar respect from them for you, then it won't happen. Trust me.
Thank god for a message of hope from Janh. I'd have to kill myself now otherwise.
Yes, I was considering tottering down to Catford station and finding a soothing train to throw myself under too.
dd1 has her moments,at aged 13, but no way would i let her start treating me like that. She can try, but would suffer the consequences of being publically and loudly humiliated in front of the world and his wife
Ooh yes, I'm planning to be the most embarrassing mother. "If you don't do this, I will chat to your friend about what GCSE's she wants to do when she comes round. I will then move on to the topic of what films she likes. And then (piece de resistance) will ask her what bands she's into."
Is this threatening enough, or too mild?
Far too mild. You need to show her your varicose veins and suggest she starts wearing support tights right away.
Too mild, that book I'm reading says you need to threaten to go outside in your underwear and talk to their friends about SEX.
You could demonstrate some of your coolest dance moves, maybe?
It's the Get out of my life but first take me and Alex into town book, only a bit of the way through it though.
I accidentally mortified mine once when playing Triv with them and boyfs by being a bit pissed and talking in a peculiar voice.
Didn't mean to, sorry miss.
i dress in a way to embarrass mine , starting out gently
DP and I have discussed trying 'you're not going out in that skirt, it's far too long', and 'what do you mean, you haven't been smoking', and 'Oh, I thought he was lovely, darling, such an interesting collection of tattoos and do you know he told me he'd been pierced in the most fascinating places', to put them off...
get a hairnet and big rollers and a nasty too short quilted dressing gown and hairy legs and then you can make sure that at the very least they will be embarrassed a few times...
Wait for their friends to arrive (preferably male ones) and start discussing periods, tell your daughter/s not to forget their condoms, get out the baby photos, make suggestive comments (to the male friends), remind them to brush their teeth and put clean underwear on ... oh ... shall I go on ???? ....
ask them to show you the correct way of putting a condom on, while doing your utmost to flirt blatently and embarrassingly with them in front of your kids
dh is looking forward to dd1 bringing all her pretty gf's back for him to flex his muscles at
... I do remember vaguely bringing up the subject of how to put a condom on with both dds ... there'd been a demonstration on TV using bananas ... somehow thought their friends might like to know ... (think I was actually trying to get my own back for their continual harrassment that day!)
Yep, I think that's what I said at the time !!!!
Any teenager can be like this, given half the chance but why would you let it get to this point? Believe me, my dd1 has bordered on behaviour like this but there are a few differences.
I don't give her any money at all - she has part time job at weekends at local pub and earns between £35 and £50 a week. Since she was 14 she has earned money babysitting and actually started this pub job when she was 14 so no need to hand out dosh. Having said that, I do still buy her clothes and I can stop doing that if her behaviour is crap.
It does put you at a disadvantage because you have no 'bargaining tool' (i.e. withdrawal of money) so you have to use something else and I refuse to drive her somewhere if she plays up. I would not put up with the behaviour you described in the swimming pool. Why would anyone let themselves get in that position. My DD1 tells me of teenagers at her school whose parents pay for their contract mobiles and the bills are nearly £100 per month. Mad, mad mad!!!
My top tip, keep 'em short of money and then they have to have some sort of responsibility. Any teenager can get a job doing something and from the age of 15 upwards, they should pay for their own entertainment, mobiles, etc.
Sorry, janh, I have always treated my teenagers the way you describe but DD1 still turned into the teenager from hell. I had no control over what her father was like since we split up when she was 4. He put her through the mill and I had to pick up the pieces. DD2 is the complete opposite but is only just 13 so there is still time!
DD1 is slowly rejoining the human race due to our persistence I think! But it's been a long hard struggle I don't think I could have got through without the advice and support of mumsnetters!
Yes, I often fantasise about her dealing with difficult children herself and finally understanding what we've done for her and why we didn't agree with her so many times! For her to phone me in 10 or 20 years time and say 'Mum, now I understand what I put you through when I was a teenager' would be the most satisfying thing I could imagine! I think that hanging out for that is the only thing that keeps me alive sometimes, when I think the stress of raising her is going to kill me!
And, helliebean and everyone else who says 'why let it get to that point?' It's not so easy when your teenager declares that they don't care what consequences they are going to face, they've decided to make their own decisions regardless of anything you say. If they refuse to accept an allowance, lifts, laundry service or cooked meals in order to remove your every chance of influencing their behaviour you have no way of forcing them to do anything, short of using physical force.
On the plus side I am pretty sure she wouldn't have ever got like that if she'd been brought up solely by my dh and I and her father had had no contact from a much younger age. She did suffer a very severe depression due to some things he did, and it damaged her badly.
Very interesting points anorak. I often wonder how people parent effectively when they share care and control of a child with another person, who may not have the same values and rules as them.
I think when kids are young, it might be do-able because they are good at distinguishing different boundaries with different people; every time my Mum comes around, DS's behaviour changes dramatically (for the worse) because he knows that stuff she will pander to I won't tolerate. But he doesn't try that on with me when she's not around. But when they're older, I imagine it's a completely different kettle of fish and am interested to know how on earth people manage it. How do you stop teenagers playing off two households against each other? I hope it's a problem I won't have to face, but you never know what's going to happen in life.
I stand by "If you raise your DDs with respect for them, but demand/expect similar respect from them for you, then it won't happen" though, anorak - as you said, "I am pretty sure she wouldn't have ever got like that if she'd been brought up solely by my dh and I and her father had had no contact from a much younger age". He messed her up, and she was so damaged by him in her early teens that she would never have been at the pool with you under the circumstances trefusis described.
despite whatever impression i give about the way i live my life, i am v strict with my kids in terms of behaviour and respect. I think it is something that has to be started v young and continued into adulthood. Maybe the mum wasn't always able to be about to guide her as much as she wanted to be, i guess we will never know
ahhh but you can't make them take a pen to school!
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