Ok the background, my niece is 13yo (soon to be 14) she has a terrible relationship with her parents and I am not close to them (there is a very big age gap). Recently her mother reacted in shock when I told her that it was against the law to smack or physically punish a child her words were "good job you told me" TBH I was too shocked to react.
DN is going through a tough teenge time, she walks out of school at will, stays up untill midnight on school nights and generally will not accept any authority at all. DSis has been going through a tough time for years, she has never engaged with her dc and never really cared much, she openly admits she wishes she had never had them (in front of them) and has days where she "can't be bothered to feed them" and so on. As they are older now they tend to fend for themselves.
SO, I have been aware of problems for a while and have tried again and again to get her mother to see it but she cannot seem to get the energy together to care and I am at a loss as to how to help given that her mother is not going to do anything other than scream at her...Her mother is also convinced DN is very innocent and does not really understand the outside world.
Problem 1; She is on Bebo, I know that she has friends on bebo that are adult and that she adds and chats to people who approach her - people she does not know at all, complete strangers.
Problem 2; she goes to nightclubs with friends, some her own age but I suspect also with her older friends too.
Problem 3; drinks, vodka and the like.
Problem 4; stays at friends houses and goes out drinking etc until 3 or 4 am.
Problem 5; her facebook is full of pictures of her posing in model type poses, including pics of her in her underwear - see through camis and thongs etc. The privacy settings allow friends of friends to see her photos (ie around 30,000 or more people)
Problem 6; when she is up late at night she is on networking sites and messenger with a webcam in a seperate room by herself, no-one checks on her at all. I know that some of her older friends have asked her to "pose" for them... I have no idea what else they have asked her to do or whether she has done what they asked. SHe is proud of and flattered by the attention.
Most of the above I have found out from my own teenage daughter and DN posts on facebook. I don't have a strong relationship with her as we have never lived close and I suspect it is too late to start one up now. I am nervous of getting my daughter involved, dd told dn how silly she was for accepting friend requests from people she did not know on bebo and got a serious dressing down from DN.
The problem is that her mother thinks she is innocent, doesn't drink, does not really "get" sex and also refuses to see any risk in sites like bebo and facebook, I have told her the statistics of people getting targeted on bebo and so on but she "doesn't buy it". Her mother does not go online and has no clue at all how these sites work.
What on earth can I do to help DN, how can I approach it? I know she is already half a step away from running away all-together and goodness knows where she would end up then! Sorry this is so long I am just at my wits end to know how to help when the parents are not willing/able to help too!
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I need advice on how to help my niece she is going off the rails and no-one has noticed! (long sorry)
61 replies
NoNameNameyChangey · 28/10/2009 13:03
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