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My dd hates me

(11 Posts)
wotsitallabout Wed 21-Oct-09 11:29:11

My dd age 13 has written on Facebook 'I hate my f* mum. She is a f*** cow'. I feel as though I've been kicked in the stomach!

ADifferentMe Wed 21-Oct-09 11:45:04

sad

Was it in response to a particular event? Should you have seen it?

If there's no reason you shouldn't have seen it ie you're friends on FB, can't you sit down calmly with her and discuss why she wrote it?

I think the feeling isn't unusual - it's how I felt about my mum at 13 - but better dealt with than not.

If you were snooping (no criticism intended), much harder to deal with unless you instigate a chat anyway.

I'd have an issue with the language rather than just the sentiment. Not just f*, but "hate" too.

wotsitallabout Wed 21-Oct-09 12:11:55

I've had problems with her for a year now and it blew up when I had to talk to her tutor at school yesterday. I was not snooping. She just happened to leave her laptop open and on Facebook when she had gone to school. I was just collecting the ususal collection of dirty plates and cups. Maybe she meant me to see it(: It really hurts. I love her to bits.

ADifferentMe Wed 21-Oct-09 13:45:31

I'm sure you do. I didn't realise till I had my DDs how much it was possible to love someone so I don't think they realise the power they have to hurt you.

I don't think I've ever been as unhappy as I was at 13 sad. Do you have the sort of relationship where you can sit down and talk about what's bothering her? Is it one event she's upset about?

Sorry, posting from work so dipping in and out.

Hassled Wed 21-Oct-09 13:49:14

She doesn't hate you. That doesn't make it any easier when you see/hear the words, though, I know. You need to talk to her about how she thinks it must make you feel - but it probably won't be the last time she says that. I had it from my DD often at that sort of age - it's really never meant.

preciouslillywhite Wed 21-Oct-09 13:50:56

I really do feel for you, but I bet you weren't supposed to see it, wotsit-

as far as I can recall, all 13 yo girls hate their mothers, and if they don't, they pretend to hate them to their friends!

desertmum Sat 24-Oct-09 06:45:44

I agree - they all hate us at that age and further into their teens. It is possible she left it there deliberately for you to see -even if that was a subconscious move - normally they tend to be more careful imo. Mention you saw it, tell it hurts, that you love her anyway and try to move past it - difficult - but she does love you really, after all you are her mum. And I always think if my daughter says she hates me I must be doing my job right!!

ErikaMaye Sat 24-Oct-09 06:50:19

Everyone thinks they hate their parents at thirteen. I found some of my old diaries the other day, and some of the things I'd written..!!! blush

As painful as it is, please try not get upset by it. She doesn't hate you, she's just being a teenager, and especially if its on a public site like facebook, its "cool" to detest just about everything, but especially your parents.

They become human again in a few years - and she'll probably realise how cruel she was and apologise to you Do try not to take it to heart. x

wotsitallabout Sun 25-Oct-09 09:18:38

Thanks for all your reassuring comments. Yes I probably hated my parents too. Anyway I think her uncle had a word with her (mainly about the language) and he said most of the worst stuff has been removed from facebook.

wilkos Sun 25-Oct-09 09:23:29

oh don't worry about it! i used to think this all the time when i was a teenager and i adored my mum!

Tortington Sun 25-Oct-09 13:05:51

totally normal behaviour i think.

if you start telling her about stuff you have seen on facebook - she will cut you off as a friend and it's an invaluable tool for seeing what your teenagers have been up to.

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