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what to do with my teenage ds who just can't be bothered...................HELP ...custy I need you!

(60 Posts)
supersalstrawberry Sun 13-Sep-09 22:54:08

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supersalstrawberry Sun 13-Sep-09 22:54:50

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noddyholder Sun 13-Sep-09 22:57:26

My ds did the same I ranted and raved about disappointment and opportunity etc and he has gone back to school raring to go and says he is going to show us!He has been doing little bits daily and we have really played the positives up and its working.he got an A in his history essay friday and that is unheard of.Ds also said mocks didn;t matter and got terrible results in most nothing like his predicted grades.Maybe a quiet chat instead of a huge row

supersalstrawberry Sun 13-Sep-09 23:01:17

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supersalstrawberry Sun 13-Sep-09 23:03:09

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mumeeee Sun 13-Sep-09 23:04:51

Don't worry. Mocks are actually not that important they are really just to get young people ready for the GCSE's. A lot of teens do badly in their mocks but go on to get good grades in thier GCSE's.

noddyholder Sun 13-Sep-09 23:07:29

I was like that too and tbh it didn;t achieve nuch but took me a few days to calm down.What about threatening to go in to talk to his teachers etcMy ds missed 25% of his science exam as he wanted to come with us to Wimbledon tennis and we took him as we had no idea the exam was that day.I rang the school from the motorway to say he wouldn;t be in and they gave me a real earful.That was is final warning tbh.I think they still feel invincible in yr 10

OurLadyOfPerpetualSupper Sun 13-Sep-09 23:13:24

I'm quaking as I read this as DS1 has just started y10.

So much to look forward to!

supersalstrawberry Sun 13-Sep-09 23:17:30

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NotanOtter Sun 13-Sep-09 23:20:16

dd is like this and she follows a real bright focused and hard working brother

laziness - i have decided sally - will not be excused

dd says she came from the 'shallow end of the gene pool' ha ha ha dd ......not!

i dont know what your school is like but dd at very good focused high perfrming school and since some fairly rubbish module results i have started operating a new - no excuses ...just do it policy.

I try to get her to focus on how she felt picking up the mediocre results and how she will feel when it is gcses

i dont think the module/resit thing helps

supersalstrawberry Sun 13-Sep-09 23:26:22

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pasturesnew Sun 13-Sep-09 23:29:05

I think from DBs and DH that a lot of bright boys are like this - don't see the point of mocks, don't really see the point of GCSEs etc. and will just focus on the things that interest them or that they can see a point to.

So I think that is where the discussions need to focus, with logic and evidence to back this up. My contributions along these lines would be:

- exams are primarily not for personal interest or to show how intelligent someone is but are rather social constructs to provide results as badges of application and willingness which act as passports to things you want in life inc.
-- parents taking you seriously as a young adult and trusting you to behave sensibly in other ways e.g. staying out late /having parties / going to musical festivals etc.
-- teachers taking you seriously meaning that you can choose the A levels you want, given sensible help with your coursework and getting good UCAS refs etc.
-- university admissions
-- jobs, e.g. it really hit my youngest DB hard that his UCAS points made him ineligible for many graduate schemes even though he went on to get a 2:1 and a prize for his dissertation from a top Scottish university and did an MA after that - he really did not know how much school results would stay with him in life and my parents didn't either, they say they would have encouraged resits if they'd known.
- uni debt as it's far far cheaper to get good UCAS, good uni and good job than poor A level results, OK uni, subsequent study and work your way up a non-"graduate" / "fast-track" scheme
- job security / career employability following on from the above.

The History Boys has some quite good dialogue in it about how exam technique is the key to results more than academic interest, and how this can be a revelation to bright boys who previously thought that the standard of intelligence for exams was much higher - makes exam passing much more achievable.

supersalstrawberry Sun 13-Sep-09 23:31:13

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NotanOtter Sun 13-Sep-09 23:32:39

sounds exactly like dd

top of her class for chemistry - got b in module - her response 'well most people got a c'

lazy in ict got an a - response ' i did not do much but what i did was great'hmm

i said 'ok we have your rules - now it's ours. knuckle down' no threats - no 'if you dont then ....' - just do it!

laziness and a blasé ' i will succeed' attitude is so hard to parent

NotanOtter Sun 13-Sep-09 23:35:35

that is so badly written sorry - ranting a bit

i told dd 'your school is shit hot - best teachers in country - focused parents - no problems at home - no issues etc' 'if you under achieve it is down to nothing but laziness - do you want 'you had it all you threw it away' hanging over you for life'

trying to shock her into attitude change

supersalstrawberry Sun 13-Sep-09 23:42:27

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supersalstrawberry Sun 13-Sep-09 23:45:58

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supersalstrawberry Sun 13-Sep-09 23:50:10

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pasturesnew Sun 13-Sep-09 23:50:33

Not sure about you being scary, just that when he acknowledges the truth to you it makes it more real to himself? You already said it was a shock for him, seeing your disappointment and worry will reinforce this and make him stressed and prob angry as that seems to be how teenage boy hormones work.

supersalstrawberry Sun 13-Sep-09 23:54:42

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SomeGuy Sun 13-Sep-09 23:54:50

Mocks aren't important. I have fond memories of the F- my English teacher gave me for my English GCSE for taking the piss out of the exam.

I got an A* in the actual exam.

He is quite right.

SomeGuy Sun 13-Sep-09 23:56:19

Also GCSEs are a bit of a joke TBH. If you are heading off to do A Levels then they really aren't going to matter much.

Tortington Mon 14-Sep-09 08:08:36

Actually you can't do A-levels without at least 5 C grade an above at any mediocre college - so they do matter.

However....Failure Mrs Strawberry?!...Mrs 'Nurse' Strawberry?!....are you shittin' me?

you and i both did it the hard way and we don't want that for our kids and we see the opportunities, they are almost tangible, ripe apples there to be eaten..and they can't see it!

but that's it exactly. If he somehow manages to be really pants at his gcses, remember the world will not implode, and that he can carry on.

let me tell you the biggest stick - the social stick.

does he really want to be doing re-sits whilst his mates are doing A-levels?

Both mine started college last week - one a-levels, one Apprenticeship.

i have been running around phoning colleges and visiting places for the past two weeks - it's a very stressfull time.

if i learned anything from it - that i think you should take with you sally - it is - make sure you go for interviews at about 3 or 4 colleges to give yourself options.

being a bit naive, i enrolled dd in the towns college and when her results came through, it didn't have what she needed. and it was a scramble.

however i digress. Mrs Strawberry, i will have non of this 'failure' malarky from you.

It is like potty training in that you have to think big picture to have hope.

one day my 3 yr old will nopt pis on the floor

one day my 15 yo will find his path in life.

Give im a love

cory Mon 14-Sep-09 08:12:13

"NotanOtter Sun 13-Sep-09 23:35:35 Add a message | Report post | Contact poster

that is so badly written sorry - ranting a bit

i told dd 'your school is shit hot - best teachers in country - focused parents - no problems at home - no issues etc' 'if you under achieve it is down to nothing but laziness"

I'd be careful to let her take that attitude onto uni; that she's been given so many opportunities in life that it is her fault if she fails

as a university teacher I see so many students who have had all the same opportunities and done fine at school, but are simply not bright enough for university studies- or at least not bright enough to get the First their parents expect- and it is so sad to see them blaming themselves and feeling they've let everyone down, when really they've done nothing wrong and they should think of their 2:2 as an achievement

not saying that you shouldn't push your dd to work harder (we like people who work hard grin), but it is a great help in life to know that you can work hard and still not be the top

cory Mon 14-Sep-09 08:18:23

I also see students who are actually quite bright but who underachieve in exams because of the enormous pressure put on them by the expectations of the parents

of course a swift kick up the backside is good

but making someone feel they owe you the As because of the opportunities they've had is a strategy that can backfire very badly

and a teen who seems to be deliberately lazing may in fact be frightened that they're never going to live up to expectation, so they are too scared to try

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