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Do your teens have proper, close friendships or just lots of buddies?

(8 Posts)
smileydee Sat 12-Sep-09 08:51:17

DS upset last night, so posting for wise words smile.

He's just going into yr10, and the form groups have been shaken up.

In his last form, which he'd been in for 3 years, he'd formed a group of 5 friends and they'd go off to the cinema, each others' houses, occasionally theme parks, etc etc. He's also always had a wider group of casual acquaintances. He's friendly, kind, generally nice kid (yes I'm biased, I know!)

He also has a close friendship with a boy up the road who goes to a different school, and they're forever in and out of each others houses, having sleepovers etc. They see each other prob. 3 nights during the week and one of the weekend days.

Anyway, with this form group shakeup he isn't seeing much of his old friends and eveyone seems to be regrouping. I know that he's worried that he'll be left with no friends so have suggested that he invites new people round for tea after school etc as that's how most of his old friendships got off the ground, but he's not keen.

Last night he & his local friend had a bit of a fallout, can't quite work out why, and I suspect it'll blow over soon, but when he went to bed last night he was close to tears and saying that now he doesn't have any friends left.sad.

I've told him that everyone prob. goes through these times sometimes, and it's just a little glitch, but (and I know I'm rambling), has anyone else's teen gone through this and how did it work out?

He's an only, btw.

aGalChangedHerName Sat 12-Sep-09 08:54:01

How old is he?

smileydee Sat 12-Sep-09 08:57:25


aGalChangedHerName Sat 12-Sep-09 09:06:22

My ds1 had/has a group of around 5 or 6 mates (he's just 18 now) and during school they were really close. Saw each other all the time etc. He had one mate who lived opposite us and was closer to him than the others and was gutted when he moved away sad

He is struggling atm as his mates are all going off to Uni and he's here attending the local college. His mates are flat sharing and he feels like the friendships are over. I can't say anything either way because who knows what will happen?

No advice really,i just gave/give ds lots of cuddles when he feels sad. He will be friends again with his local pal soon hopefully and that will help a bit eh?

smileydee Sat 12-Sep-09 10:24:36

Thanks AGal. You'd think we'd stop fretting over them the older they get, but it doesn't happen!

pagwatch Sat 12-Sep-09 10:29:45

They are pretty fragile atthat age. DS had some similar times - especially when classes were changed around.
We worried away but it does just sort itself out. We are all guilty of assuming that all the other boys are cool and sorted when they are all having these concerns about whether they are liked.
DS1 is 16 now and able to manage his relationships even with those who have moved to different schools etc.

What I am saying is that he is just anxious and emotional ( as that comes increasingly into the mix at this age) and it will be fine. If you can convince him that you understand and sympathise with his concerns but still make him feel your confidence that it will be OK, then that wilkl help.
Don't dismiss his concerns and tell him he is being silly. Just assure him that many of his friends will be feeling the same and that it will turn out OK

smileydee Sat 12-Sep-09 10:47:32

Thanks Pag, you make sense as always.

pagwatch Sat 12-Sep-09 10:55:20

if only that were true...

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