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At my wits end, don't know how to handle this(sorry,it's long)

(7 Posts)
Angifi Thu 03-Sep-09 05:08:26

I am feeling quite angry and sad that my 18 year old son is turning out to be a loser.God, that sounds awful, but I just can't believe how he is choosing to live his life, and although I know it is his life it affects me as he has no income and lives with us.

He left school last Nov.He has completed high school (i'm in australia)but did poorly in his exams.Since then he has had a couple of jobs, but when he is sick of it,he just chucks it in.He has moved out of home and back again three times.He has bought and sold 4 really bad cars in that time! He can't afford rent etc, so begs for help , promises to pay us back, then doesn't. I've done this twice, but now lives at home again as I refuse to do it again. He says he wants a job, but today a guy who was giving him some casual work just phoned because he didn't turn up. Argh!
I have had to nag him to deal with paying fines,getting a tax number,applying for unemployment benefit etc, he says he will do it but it doesn't happen.When he's at home I have to constantly nag him to do anything and I am really hating having him here.
The last house he lived in was a dope dealing house.I know when he visits these people he gets stoned and I am guessing that is why he didn't turn up to work today.
I can't stand that he is wasting his life but I don't feel I can kick him out to live with dope dealers and maybe end up dealing himself. He has already got a conviction for having a smoking implement in his car and is going to court for a traffic infringrement.Why can't he see this is not how to live? My DH and I have always had a good work ethic, we are both professionals with uni degrees.
I don't feel it is a form of rebellion, but rather just a complete lack of motivation and lack of organisation.
Please, if anyone has advice, I'd love to hear it.

pasturesnew Thu 03-Sep-09 05:19:38

Do you think he might be depressed at all - might be worth him seeing a doctor if so?

Or any chance he might meet a nice girl and feel spurred on to make a bit more effort that way?

Angifi Thu 03-Sep-09 05:40:26

Pretty sure he isn't depressed, he actually seems quite happy to do very little and play his guitar, xbox etc.
As for a girl - I'm not sure that an unemployed,dope smoking boy without a car and no cash would be all that attractive!

pasturesnew Thu 03-Sep-09 05:47:35

Well that's the thing isn't it, have you tried pointing the latter out (at the risk of being shouted at etc.)?

lavenderbongo Thu 03-Sep-09 05:54:19

This sounds a lot like my brother. He left school with no qualifications and drifted for many years basically living of my parents who continually gave him money and bailed him out of fines etc..

In the end nothing worked but leaving him to his own devices. He is now holding down a job and living in his own place, independently from my parents. They believed he couldn't cope with things on his own and were afraid he would get into real trouble. He knew that whatever he did they would bail him out. So he didn't really bother doing anything. I do believe that he had a form of depression. Both myself and my sister went to Uni and have good jobs, but he didnt find it so easy.

I am sorry this is not much help but I think its a common problem with teenage boys. Hopefully someone will come along with some better advice.

purepurple Thu 03-Sep-09 07:35:44

OP, your DS sounds just like my DS. He doesn't do anything umless I give him a kick up the backside. At the moment, he is unemployed, after finishing his bricklaying apprenticeship.
He has no money, so isn't paying board. But, he does have to do jobs around the house, such as hoovering and the dishwasher and looking after his DS.
I am keen for him to realise that life is not a free ride. But, he also needs to learn from his mistakes.
He is (very slowly) realising he can't live on the dole forever, although he is treating it like a holiday.
Your Ds sounds similiar in his lack of motivation and organisation. I think that only comes with experience.
TBH, I can remember being similiar as a teenager; I was unemployed for 2 years, and didn't apply for one job, because I didn't want one.
It is different now, I have a family to support.
DS knows that I am not supporting him forever. there will be a point when I will expect him to get his own place.
And we thought the terrible twos was hard grin

purepurple Thu 03-Sep-09 07:36:49

Oh, and he hasn't got a girl friend either; I am sure that's what he needs, just like your DS.

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