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15year old troubled boy

(6 Posts)
naturalblonde Sun 26-Jul-09 12:46:45

We currently have my dh's 15 yo brolther living with us, temp at the moment but hoping for it to become permanent after meeting with social services next month.

He's had quite a troubled upbringing, and has been in a care home for 3 months before we could get him down here. He continually absconded from teh care home and was told staying with us is his last chance or he goes into a secure unit.

Trouble is, he's still disappearing for long periods. He wanted to stay at a friends house, so we asked for phone number to cjheck with the boys parents that it was ok, he said he'd get it but just went out and didn't come back til 8am the next morning.

He's just done it again, went out with his mates and just didn't come home, my dh was out looking for him at 3am. He finally turned up at 11am today, shouted at me to get out of his way. I told him he doen;t speak to me ike that, and that he was totally out of order staying out all night. He said he didn't know our phone numbers. hmm

He's gone out again in a strop, don't know where, and don't really know what to do for the best when he gets back.

He doesn't even come back for meals, and refuses to help around the house, just sit on the laptop all day or is out with his mates.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Mumwhensdinneready Sun 26-Jul-09 17:58:13

I have to say I have no experience of troubled 15 year old boys so I am probably not qualified to help.
My first thought is that you do need help with this one. Clearly this boy has long standing problems and there must be professional help available to you from social services?
Like most parents my only experience of children came when my own were born.I have two DS's aged 13 and 11 and I would have been quite daunted to manage even well behaved teenagers when my boys were only babies.
You have said that you hope for this to become permanent..presumably the boy also wishes for this? Can you try to agree some ground rules when he is in a calmer more receptive mood? Explain that you are going to do your best to give him a happy stable home but he needs to respect you. He is probably used to much more "freedom" than is really good for him. You may have to compromise on what you expect from him.
I do feel it''s reasonable that you know where he is and that he keeps in touch. How can you be responsible for his welfare otherwise?
Help around the house might be unrealistic at this stage but communication is not.

naturalblonde Sun 26-Jul-09 18:19:30

We have no support at all, he was in care in Scotland, and he has a social worker and help there, but we have no help. When it was arranged for him to come down here, we asked what support was available and were told absolutely nothing. Not even financial support (can't claim child benefit for him even). TBH, it seems to me that the care home are just relieved to be rid of him.

He's quite a streetwise kid so we give him alot of freedom, I think telling him to be in by 9 would be a waste of time, but it feels like he's gonna do what he wants no matter what we say, he takes absolutely no notice of me. He'll listen to my dh, but he can't be here all the time.

We sat down with him a couple of days ago and said we expect you to do a,b and c, (was nothing too strenuous, put your dishes in dishwasher, clothes in laundry basket and cut grass once a week)and we will do x,y, and z.(cook, clean,wash clothes, provide ahome), He was really receptive to it, ageeed to it all then went out and didn't come back!

Mumwhensdinneready Sun 26-Jul-09 20:03:34

No help at all. That's awful. It seems to me that an investment now in this child could prevent all sorts of problems in the future.
If there is no "official" help what about a cchildren's charity? It might be worth some research? I found this.

naturalblonde Sun 26-Jul-09 20:52:27

Thanks, that link looks really useful, I'll give them a call in the morning. I was really shocked when I found out no support was available; he has a support worker in Scotland so surely he'll get one here. Maybe if he decides to stay then he'll be referred to the local social services and something will be worked out for him.

I just don't know what to do with him in the meantime. He's still not back, my dh has gone out looking for him but he has to work tonight so it'll be left for me to deal with.

Destine Mon 27-Jul-09 13:29:25

Hi

I have just joined this site. My 16 year old son is doing the same. I feel totally helpless, he has gone from being part our our family to opting out completely. We have tried all kinds of sanctions and nothing is working.

I grounded him, he disappeared. We have stopped his allowance and mobile phone top ups in an effort to get him to help at home, he just goes out and doesn't come back.

He is a very talented musician and has always been clear in his ambition to go on to Uni etc. but now I can't even arrange his lessons as I can't get hold of him!!!

We are totally stumped and don't know what to do. Can anyone help?

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