Teens and alcohol - what's your policy?

[BodenGroupie]

DD1 (a very sensible and mature 15, but with friends of 16/17) has just started going to parties, the beach etc with a crowd. I know she has the odd glass of wine or beer and don't have too much of a problem with it. She always comes home rather than staying with friends so I can tell that she's not had much (no falling over or puking yet).

I don't supply her or help her to get it in any way and think most of the parents have the same view. There's obviously the odd older sibling who's more helpful as it seems to be coming from somewhere - we're in a village where it's pretty difficult to get served when you're under age as everyone knows you.

I do have one friend who gives her daughter a bottle of cider or wine when she's going out on the assumption she'll drink that rather than spirits. Others seem to say no booze at all.

Just wondered what's the MN verdict on what to do?

[juicyjolly]

My dd is 17yrs old now and I really think the attitude you have with your dd is the best way to go.
Can you imagine if you totally banned your dd from the odd glass of wine or can of lager? I think then it becomes something they have to start being secretive about which is never a good thing.

[BodenGroupie]

Thanks Juicy - she's always been allowed a half glass of wine with a meal at weekends so banning it when she goes out wouldn't make any sense. Some of my friends are shocked by that whereas others pack their girls off with big bottles of cider, so I'm not sure what's normal!

[itsbeingsocheerful]

I have allowed my 15yo DD out with a couple of Breezers left over from an older cousin's visit, hoping that she will drink one, share one.

I was uncomfortable with it, but she had talked of 'others' having peach schnapps and straight vodka, so I was kinda hoping she wouldn't feel it necessary to drink those if she had something else.

But since then, I have changed my mind and won't be giving her any more. I think it's a boundaries thing. If I give her this will she want to take more, just cos she ought - she's a teenager. Now she'll just have to develop a teenage cunning to get it! All I can do is hope I've instilled her with enough sense to negotiate it all safely.

But equally IMO saying NO to all alcohol would be pointless and counter-productive.

Sorry. It turned into a bit of a ramble

[bakerslovecakes]

hi im new to MN, my 13yo DD friend has started to get drank most weekends and hang around with older boys so far ive made up excuses why she cant hang out with her after school and weekends but im running out of excuses, i really dont want her seeing this friend out of school but i dont want her to start rebelling. Her friend is alot more maturer than my DD. any advice?

[mumeeee]

Just try and tell her your concerns and explain why you don't like her drinking.I know it's diificult and she might not listen. But at 13 you can still set the rules.

[mumblechum]

DS had his first bottle of beer at the weekend at a camping party. I'd told him if he was offered anything then that was fine, but only one glass of wine or one bottle of beer.

It felt v odd to be waiting up for him, he & his friend came in at 11.30 smelling of alcohol. V. weird. Now I know how he feels when dh & I come home!

[AuntEm]

Hmm. My policy sounds much like yours, BG. ie Don't ban it, allow the odd glass at home, don't make a big deal of it. Point out difference between having a drink socially and getting plastered. Go into gory details of being pissed (watch weirdly fascinating programme called Street Wars which used to be on channel 5 i think - showed horrific scenes of city centres on saturday nights). Advise eating, drinking water, keeping off the spirits. Keep fingers crossed.

[pagwatch]

My DS1 had his 16 th birthday party recently so we had a long chat about it.
He occasionally has a drink at home with us ( wine or pimms I think is all) but he never goes out reallylate and has never come home even faintly squiffy.
He says that actually most of his freinds will have a couple of drinks at parties but thatthey never just try to buy alcohol and that getting drunk is considered really really dim.
We bought enough for a couple of drinks each but checked that their parents had no problem with them drinking and I cheerfully assured them that anyone who seemed drunk would be put in a taxi.

TBH they all behaved well. I was slightly more concerned about whatthe fourteen ofthem got upto in the tent overnight

I don''t think I currently have any concerns as DS1 is an athlete ( rugby and cricket) and he hates being in any way out of control. When he goes to uni I just won't ask

[brimfull]

I have tried to intill in dd the importance of drinking something relatively weak...def not wine.

I did buy her the occassional bottle of wkd if she was going to a party.Not at 15 mind-more like a yr ago when she was 16

She has arrived home quite pissed after having wine.Much too strong .

She has learnt to stick to weak drinks of 5% or less.

I think you have to accept that they will probably drink if their friends do.